Imperfect Progress

I recently finished reading "Unglued -- Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions" by Lysa TerKerst. Fantastic book. 

The writer is hilarious. I love the colorful way she explains things and tells stories. For example, the way she explains what "coming unglued" means is with the expression, "when others bump into my happy." I love that.

She explains that when people bump into our happy, we either stuff, explode or react somewhere in between. People that bump into our happy can be our children, spouses, family members, friends or total strangers.

Most of us do both. For example, I tend to stuff when friends or strangers rub me the wrong way, but when my children are driving me crazy, I might explode. In fact, at the present moment, my kids are grating on my nerves by not leaving me alone while I am trying to write this, so I am stuffing my frustration in order to not explode at them! :)

Neither stuffing or exploding is the desired response, because both responses hurt ourselves and others. Stuffing builds up as baggage, and exploding hurts others while making you feel guilty about coming unglued.

So, the book teaches a few core concepts:

•    How to resolve conflict in your important relationships

•    How to be honest but kind when offended

•    How to respond, when you are triggered, with no regrets by managing your tendencies to stuff, explode or react somewhere in between

The concept of "imperfect progress" comes in when she reminds us that once we start working on better handling our emotions -- whether we are trying not to stuff or not to explode -- we may still make mistakes. I love that. I feel like that is a hand of grace reaching down to us. 

I think sometimes we get overwhelmed by the prospect of trying to change, but this book invites us to at least try, and to accept that we will not be perfect. It's a process. What a relief!

Reading this book showed me that I am not alone in my imperfect progress to better handle my emotions. It also helped me realize I need to give myself grace when I mess up, and I need to extend grace to others when they mess up, too.

Great book for women! I'd highly recommend. We should do a book club on this one!

Story Cubes Make for Dinnertime Fun

There's always talk about making dinnertime "quality time" with family, and all families have their own ways of making that happen. Our family tried something new last night that was really fun.

We used Rory's Story Cubes to craft stories. Have you ever heard of them? It's a set of nine cubes that each have six pictures on them.

So, here's how it works.

We started with Tyler. He rolls his cube. It lands on a magic wand, so he starts the story, "Once upon a time, there was a magic wand..."

Then Alyssa rolls and adds to the story based on her picture of a castle tower, "which the princess, who lived in the tower, used to turn her eyes green..."

... and so on. It was so fun! The kids loved the chance to tell their part of the story in their own way, and I loved watching them be creative. We were all giggling and having a fun time! It was one of those great living in the moment moments!

How does your family make dinnertime special? Got any ideas to pass along?

Journaling for your Health, Happiness & Healing

I am often met with a look of resistance when I speak to my clients about the journaling homework they need to do in-between our coaching sessions.

After the look, they start spouting off excuses, such as, "I'm not a good writer," "I don't like to write," "I can't spell," "I don't know what to write about," "I don't have time."

Many people simply don't understand the power of journaling. The truth is that journaling is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Here's an interesting tidbit about how it works -- writing uses your left brain, which is the analytical and rational side. So, while you keep your left brain busy by putting your thoughts on paper, you allow your right brain a chance to open up and be creative. This helps you understand yourself and those around you better and allows you to come up with creative solutions to the challenges you are facing. 

Here are the top 5 reasons you should make time to journal:

• Journaling helps you clarify your thoughts and feelings
• Journaling helps you get to know yourself better
• Journaling helps you reduce stress
• Journaling helps you solve problems 
• Journaling helps you heal relationships with others

Here's how you get started:

• Buy a journal and pen that you love

• Find quiet place

• Set the mood with a candle or cup of tea

• Journal at the same time each day for 15-20 minutes

• Write without editing or censoring

Here's what you can write about:

• Write about what makes you happy

• Write about what makes you sad

• Write about your goals and dreams

• Write about what you want to accomplish that day

• Write a letter to yourself

Contact me if you would like more information!

Moms, Join Me for a Group Life Coaching Program at the Y

Being a mother is constant. It never stops. There is more written on each one of our daily “to do” lists than is humanly possible to achieve; and as if that’s not frustrating enough, we’re supposed to make motherhood look easy and show up to every function smiling and looking like beauty queens. 


We have the best of intentions. We want to be the best we can be. But, where are we supposed to find the time and energy to do it all?

In this inspiring and motivational exclusive YMCA offering, Certified Master Life Coach Tina Haisman will lead you on an 8-week journey to transforming into the mother and woman you want to be!

Who Should Come?Busy moms who want to learn how to reduce stress and live a healthy and balanced life.

What Will be Covered? In the safety of a supportive environment of other moms, you will learn tools and techniques for handling the many ups and downs of mothering young children and keeping your family happy and healthy. You will pick one area of your life to work on and make better – it can be your health, finances, spirituality, relationships or career. You will learn tools and techniques for achieving your goals.

What are the Top 3 Benefits of a Group Coaching Program? 

• You surround yourself with other women facing similar challenges.
• You learn new techniques for goal-setting, action planning, stress management and more.
• You gain motivation from the coach AND the group!

When is it? This program consists of 8 one-hour sessions – one per week, starting Wednesday, July13th

What is the Cost? FREE to YMCA members, $40 for non-members

Where will it be held? Lattof YMCA Meeting Rooms

What do I Need to Bring?Physically, you will need a writing journal and a pen. (They need not be fancy, but they can be fun!) Mentally, you will need an open mind. Emotionally, you will need the desire to make your life even better than it already is!

Testimonials … What are Other People Saying? "Eight weeks of life coaching has made a remarkable difference in my life. Tina has helped me to put action behind several goals that I had set for myself but had been unable to accomplish on my own. Her positivity and encouragement have led me to not only achieve my goals, but also to have a better outlook on life and the challenges I face each day. I would recommend life coaching to anyone who wants to move forward in their life, whether it be in the area of finances, career, relationships, spirituality, or health. And don’t we all?" April

Heaven is for Real

I read a great book yesterday called Heaven is for Real. It's about a four-year-old boy's trip to Heaven while he was having emergency surgery.

I enjoyed many stories from this book, but one of the things that made the biggest impact on me is how the little boy, Colton, met his sister in heaven -- a baby his mother had miscarried. He did not know about the baby before this experience, because his parents thought he was too young to understand.

Colton told his mom that a little girl came running up to him in Heaven and wouldn't stop hugging him. She told him that she was his sister and that she had died in her mommy's tummy. As Colton told his mom this story, she was, of course, in shock, but he reassured her the little girl was OK, because God adopted her. Wow. (There's more to the story, but I'll let you read it for yourself!)

That story really made me smile, because it reassured me that the baby I miscarried is in heaven waiting for me. I've always believed that in my heart, but this story helped reaffirm that.

The whole miscarriage experience for me was a bit of a shocker -- I was 12 weeks along when I realized the baby was no longer alive. It was a Sunday, just two days after Hurricane Charley hit Southwest Florida. I instinctively knew. Oddly enough, I knew because I felt well for the first time in the pregnancy.

The timing for a miscarriage seemed horrible -- electricity was still out in some places, everyone in town was working to clean up and get back to normal. It was hot and humid and everything felt very heavy.

But, you know me, I always look for the silver lining, and I found many reasons to be grateful during that time -- especially for the love and support of family and friends. And, my belief that my child was taken to Heaven.

So, to read this book and learn that Colton met his unborn sister was awesome. It healed my heart to know that someday I will be able to hug my heavenly baby! :)

From the Mouths of 8th Graders

I have been blessed with the opportunity to bring my life coaching gig to the 8th grade students at Tyler and Alyssa's school.

I've been given four 40-minute classes -- one a week for four weeks. Truthfully, it's not much time, but I'm doing my best to impart some life skills on these kids.

The first week we talked about discovering their gifts (both God-given and learned). Last week we talked about the Law of Attraction (What you focus on, you receive). This week we talked about relationships -- mostly the dating kind (yes, they are dating in 8th grade).

I used the upcoming nuptials of Prince William and Catherine Middleton to start the conversation, and to capture their attention, I showed them the T-mobile spoof of the royal wedding.

Then, we got down to the serious business of talking about relationships and why they can be so difficult ... about how movies make it look like "happily ever after" is easy ... about what each of us can do to ensure we have healthy relationships ... and so much more in our 40 minutes. But what impressed me the most was the insight of these kids.

I asked them each to come up with one piece of advice for the royal couple. Seriously. Out of the mouths of 8th graders came these very basic, but sensible pieces of advice:

• Respect each other
• Allow each other space to be his/her own person and spend time with their friends
• Love each other
• Support each other
• Help each other
• Don't cheat
• Don't lie
• Be honest with each other
• Have fun
• Spend time together
• Find a hobby to do together
• Laugh together
• Communicate with each other
• Don't fight
• Appreciate each other

I thought these were all great reminders, and I was really impressed with these kids for having this knowledge so young. I also find it funny that I'm there to teach them, but somehow I always walk away feeling like I've learned something, too! Awesome!

Experiences Help us Know we are LIVING!

We just got back from a wonderful mini-vacation in Lake Geneva, WI. It was our first time there. The reason for this blog post is to share my excitement about enjoying new "experiences" and stepping out of our comfort zones.

We stayed at the Timber Ridge Lodge and Waterpark, where they have several pools, hot tubs and two big water slides.

One of those slides was for going down in a raft, which was totally fun! But the other slide was for going down without a raft -- and it was pitch black inside. I wasn't so sure about trying this myself. Paul tried it and said it was fun, but a bit scary. I didn't attempt it the first day, but by the second day, I knew I had to!

I mean really -- kids 48 inches tall were going down this thing and having a ball, why shouldn't I!?  So, whoosh, I did, and I'm so glad! What fun! It was a little scary being in the water in the dark, and, to be totally honest, I did have to remind myself to breathe, but it was exhilarating to try it!

The other experience I almost let pass me by was going in the hot tub -- outside. Why? Because every time we walked by it, I froze my butt off. But Paul and Tyler pushed me, "You've gotta try it!" I was hesitant, but OMG! I  LOVED IT! I think I found a new favorite activity for when it's 30 degrees outside! I loved the feeling of being soooo warm under the water, while above the water, the fresh air was mixing with the mist and gently brushing across my face. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

As a parent, I notice that Tyler is a bit like me -- a little afraid to try something new -- especially something that could be risky. He did not want to try the water slide on the raft, but I reminded him of how much he loves the ride Test Track at EPCOT ... and how he was reluctant to get on that ride, too. That got him on the water slide in a jiffy!

While we were there, I also noticed the resort uses the word "experience" to describe their daily activity schedule. They say, "We don't remember days, we remember experiences." I thought that was really cool.

Overall, we had many wonderful "experiences" on our trip -- we tried new foods, taught the kids to play checkers, went down water slides, played in the pools, drifted in the lazy river, played family bingo, relaxed by the fire, discovered Lake Geneva and more. What fun!

Rihanna's new song exposes a secret!

http://www.rihannanow.com/

Lately I can't get that new Rihanna song "Only Girl" out of my head ... "Want you to make me feel, like I'm the only girl in the world..." I love it! It's got a great beat, and it's fun!

But, besides that, while listening to some of the lyrics, I realized she let the whole world in on a big relationship secret. Are you ready for it?

One of the primary things a woman desires from her partner is to be made to feel like she is the only one in his world. The most important person in his life. That he notices her and that he thinks she is beautiful. That he is grateful for her.

What can a woman do to let her partner know she feels this way?

One surefire way is "to be who you want to be with." If you are a woman reading this article, and you would like your husband to treat you like you are the only girl in the world, start treating him like he is the only man in the world. Be consistent. Stick with it. Give it at least three weeks, then ask your spouse if he noticed anything different. Talk about your experience. See what happens. Keep me posted! I'd love to hear about your experience.

Anger Strikes at Starbucks

I witnessed an incident at Starbucks that inspired me to write. A girl and her friend were sitting outside enjoying some coffee, when the mother of one of them walked up and a fight ensued. The girls were probably right around 20 years old.

I tried not to listen, but it was difficult. The gist of what happened is that the daughter wouldn't tell her mother where she was going, who she was going with or when she was going. She refused to check-in with her mother. Her mother said she wanted to know where the girl was so she didn't have to worry. They were so angry with each other, I could feel the heat.

http://www.freeimages.co.uk/

I felt bad for them both and wished they knew a better way to deal with conflict.

While listening to them, some of the first thoughts that came to my mind were respect and control. Both parties need to have respect for each other -- the daughter, who is presumably living under her mother's roof, and the mother, because her daughter is an adult now.

Both are using control to irritate the other. The mother is being controlling with the way she is demanding to know many details about the daughter's where-a-bouts, and the daughter is being controlling, by purposefully withholding information. It's a power struggle.

I wondered what would happen if each of them put themselves in the other person's shoes. If the daughter could ponder what might be going through her mother's mind, and how her mother might feel with no idea where her daughter is or who she is with. What if the mother could reflect on her younger years when she wanted freedom and flexibility from her parents? Could this be how her daughter is feeling now? 

Even when there are years of resentment built up between people -- as was evident with this mother and daughter -- every one of us has the power to change the course for the better. One day at a time. One interaction at a time.

Let's imagine a new scenario. The mother comes up to the table and vents her frustration to her daughter. Instead of firing back, what if the daughter acknowledges her mother and says, "I love you, mom. I can see you're really upset by this. Can we talk about it later tonight?" No matter what the mother says -- even if she continues to fire back -- the daugher remains calm, loving and consistent in her request to continue the conversation later. Because, the truth is, no good will come out of a volatile conversation where one or both of the people involved are overly emotional and not thinking clearly.

Think it's impossible? It's not. Yes, it takes practice. Yes, it takes self-control. No, it is not easy. But, is the end-result worth it? YES! We can all start healing difficult relationships in our lives by handling difficult conversations like this one in a new manner.

-- Written with prayerful hope for this mother and daughter to heal their relationship.

Living Large! A Celebration for Tyler and Alyssa

We had parent-teacher conferences at Tyler and Alyssa's school yesterday. I left there feeling so fantastic that I knew we had to celebrate!

I keep tabs on the kids' school work, I volunteer in Alyssa's classroom, I try to attend the field trips, and I periodically set up playdates with the kids and their parents. So I feel like I'm aware of how they are doing academically and socially. I have my eye on them! :)

But to sit down face-to-face with the teachers and hear the amazing things they said about how Tyler and Alyssa are doing felt so wonderful!

Especially because of our move. Of course, Paul and I were worried about what would happen if we moved. How would the children adjust? I believe we are getting our answer! They are doing just fine!

It's not magic that they are adjusting well, though. It's because of the conscious efforts of their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends and teachers. Everyone has been so encouraging, welcoming and helpful.

So, yesterday at 3:00 we decided to hop on the train to meet Paul downtown for some Chicago-style fun! We toured the John Hancock Observatory and learned about some of the City's landmarks.

We stepped inside the American Girl store at Water Tower Place for Alyssa. You should have seen the smile on her face!

We grabbed dinner at a really cool-looking Cheesecake Factory at the bottom of the Hancock Building.

Then we walked down the Miracle Mile in awe of how the lights from the buildings twinkle in the clear night sky. The air was crisp ... our steps were light ... it was so much fun ... wow, what a gorgeous night!

--Written with love and gratitude for all of the people encouraging us and helping us adjust to our new home. Thank you!

Michael Buble Has it Right

I love Michael Buble's song, "Haven't Met You Yet." But every time I hear it, I am drawn to the part where he says, "I give so much more than I get." What an awesome philosophy for relationships! It's how it should be. Ideally, we should be freely giving our love to our loved ones without expecting anything in return.

In relationships, I think we naturally tend to be selfish and constantly wonder, "What's in it for me? If I do this for you, what will you do for me?" It's nobody's fault. It's the way we were raised. That's how life starts as a kid. But now that we're adults, it's time to change that type of thinking -- especially when it comes to the relationship with our significant other -- the most important relationship of all.

If we focus on what we are doing for our significant other, instead of what they are not doing for us, we will feel so much happier.

Instead of thinking things like, "if only he would send me flowers," or "if only he would offer to help me clean the kitchen," shift your focus to thinking about what you can do for your spouse. What would help him or her out today? Could you make a call for him or run an errand for her? Maybe it's something as simple as telling them how great they look that day. If you take the time to try this tactic, I think you'll see it works really well!

I'm not saying you should never sit your partner down and talk to them about things you would like them to do for you, you should still do that. I'm just proposing that we should not to get so caught up in the negative thoughts about what they are not doing. Next time you catch yourself with a thought like that, replace it with something that you will do for your partner that day. A specific action like the examples I mentioned above.

Check out this story I found online:

A woman wanted to divorce her husband and make him really suffer. So she went to a lawyer and told him, “I want to divorce my husband. I know that I am going to get control of most of his assets, but I want to make his life miserable. What could I do?”

“Have you told him yet?” the attorney asked. She hadn’t.

“OK,” he continued. “Here’s the plan. For three months, don’t criticize him. Speak only well of him and build him up. Every time he does something right, commend him for it and tell him what a great guy he is. Do that for 12 weeks. When he thinks he has your full confidence and love – nail him! Tell him you’re filing for divorce. It will come as a complete shock!”

The woman loved the plan and was confident her husband would fall for it. For three months she complimented him, built him up, and said wonderful things to him.

One day the lawyer called her back. “Are you ready to file?” he asked. “Oh, no,” the woman said. “We won’t be needing your services. In fact, we’re having a second honeymoon!”

By taking a more positive tack and building up her husband, she actually helped to turn her marriage around and make it better than ever.

Food for thought!