One Simple Thought to Help Solve Your Parenting Disputes

Dr. Juli Slattery spoke in March at the Hearts at Home conference about how to parent as a team. She shared three paradigm shifts she has made in her thinking as a mother and wife that have helped smooth out the parenting struggles between her and her husband.

One of them really hit home with me, and I want to share it in case it helps you too. Are you ready, moms? Here it is: My Kids Need a Dad, Not Two Moms. 

© Can Stock Photo Inc. / dobled

Whew. That really woke me up. When I heard that, I realized I often try to get Paul to parent the same way I do -- calmly and in a nurturing, motherly manner.

He tends to handle delicate situations more abrasively. It often makes me uncomfortable, and I feel compelled to smooth it over. But I have come to learn through experience and from hearing Dr. Slattery talk, that I need to be more open to Paul's ways.

For instance, there have been a few times when my "nurturing" way of handling an upset child actually made the situation worse -- the child cried harder.

Paul gets so frustrated with me in those instances and takes over in his "manly" way. Somehow it works. He manages to calm the situation down -- usually with his personal style of humor. 

His approach is much different than my approach, but it isn't wrong. And thank God for it, because it works better than mine sometimes! 

I mention God here on purpose. I think He has everything to do with this. He designed men and women to be different on purpose. We compliment each other. Kids need their moms and dads to parent differently for their healthy development.

Dr. Slattery shared research with us that indicates having both a mom and dad is one of the most critical factors to a child's academic, emotional, behavioral, spiritual, and physical well-being.

I know it's not rocket science, but I think it is profound, and we moms need to remember to allow our husbands to do what they do best -- parent as a dad! It's not to say they don't need some guidance along the way, but they might not need as much as we are accustomed to giving them. It's certainly something to ponder.

The expression on Paul's face when I shared this with him was priceless. I think it was a look of relief and excitement and feeling validated. I dare you to try this at home.

The Secrets of Being the Best Mom

Being a mom is the most difficult job in the world, but it’s also the most important. So, it is wise to invest time in learning how to do it well. What are the secrets to being the BEST mom? Obviously, all moms love their kids and take care of their basic needs, but this article will address a few of the more subtle, less obvious ways to be the best mom you can possibly be!

1. Take Care of Yourself Taking care of you has got to be your first priority. Proper nutrition, exercise and rest are vital to keep you healthy and energetic, but that’s not all. Taking care of you also means leaving time for things you love to do, like writing, painting, dancing or gardening. Easier said than done, I know, but it is important. If you take care of your own needs first, you will be an awesome mom!

2. Stop Judging Yourself for Not Being Perfect. As mothers we put WAY too much pressure on ourselves. We have an unrealistic image of what a good mom is. We secretly compare ourselves to other moms who seem to have it all together. When it comes to parenting, perfection is impossible. Beware of using Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest to compare yourself to other moms – look at it as entertainment instead. Become the expert on your life – make choices that work for you and your family, and don’t worry about what others are doing.

© Can Stock Photo Inc. / justmeyo

3. Ditch the Guilt. Two-thirds of all moms report feeling guilty on a daily basis, for anything from not spending enough time with their kids, feeding them fast food, letting them play too many video games and more. Guilt is a terrible waste of time and energy. Know that you are doing the best that you can. No one is perfect, and you are not expected to be perfect either. Simply trust that you are doing the best that you can. Your best is good enough!

4. Have Fun! When you’re a mom, it’s easy to become so wrapped up in the logistics of taking care of your children that you forget to be present and have fun. Kids give us a wonderful opportunity to be a child all over again and see the world through their sweet little eyes. Try to step away from your to-do list and play a little every day!

5. Take Care of Your Marriage. This is so important. Your children are with you for 18-20 years of your marriage. Then you could have another 30+ years of marriage ahead of you. Your stable relationship with your spouse is TRULY one of the most important things you can do for your children. Not to mention that you’ll be demonstrating a healthy marriage to your children – a lesson that will last a lifetime!

The Care and Keeping of Your Emotions

I have recently discovered a great book for tween and teen girls -- The Feelings Book: The Care & Keeping of Your Emotions by American Girl.

The Feelings Book will help your daughter understand her emotions and deal with them in positive ways. She'll get tips on how to express her feelings and stay in control, plus get sensitive advice on handling fear, anxiety, jealousy, and grief.

This book is a great resource for our girls ... and their moms, too! It is a great tool to help us guide our daughters through roller coaster emotions.

Because I am noticing more of these types of emotions from my 8-year-old daughter, I recently purchased this and the accompanying journal. I read it cover to cover over the weekend. It brought tears to my eyes to see these topics addressed in such a great, kid-friendly way.

In fact, many topics addressed in this book are things I work on with my adult clients -- likely, because they did not learn them as children. Just wanted to share!

Love the Kids You Have, Not the Ones You Wish You Had

Many parents wake up one day and realize their children are different than they expected.

Some wish their child liked the same things they like. Others wish their child didn't have a certain annoying habit or that they were more organized. Others wish their child got better grades.

The truth is that these longings keep us from loving the child God has given us. Once we can release these expectations about who we think our children should be, we can more joyfully embrace the amazing children they are! Contact me if you would like to work on cultivating more joy and peace in your parenting!

The Goal of Parenting: To Work Yourself Out of the Picture

The whole goal of parenting is to raise children who can go out into the world and be independent. Easier said than done!

Sometimes as a mom I feel tempted to help my children too much. My heart wants to make things easy for them so they can enjoy their childhood, but if I don't allow them enough freedom to experience life for themselves, I am only hurting them in the long run.

At every stage of development our children can take on more and more responsibility. It is our job to gently guide and teach them and let them do what they can do for themselves.

My husband and I felt the fruit of our labor last week as we encouraged our 11-year-old to attend Boy Scout camp by himself. That was the first time in his life that we have allowed him out of our sight for that long. It was difficult. We felt a bit nervous. But we also knew he could do it. And he did! Not only did he survive a week away from mom and dad, but he THRIVED! He earned three merit badges and accomplished some rank advancement requirements.

He told us he loved the independence and freedom of being away and making decisions for himself. I'd like to believe we prepared him adequately for that by allowing him to do things for himself at home.

It was such a great week of personal growth for all of us!

Parenting God's Way with the GUIDES Acronym

Enjoy this parenting acronym created by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs, author of Love and Respect in the Family.

G-U-I-D-E-S
G - Give, so that a child's basic needs can be met.
U - Understand, so your child is not provoked or exasperated.
I - Instruct, so your child can know and apply God's wisdom.
D - Discipline, so your child can correct poor choices.
E - Encourage, so your child can develop God-given gifts.
S -- Supplicate in prayer, so your child can know God's touch and truth.

Here is a link to a resource that spells out the Bible verses this acronym is based on.

If you're interested, you can listen to a radio interview with Dr. Eggerichs here. 

Happy Monday, and Happy Parenting!

How to Teach Your Children to Think Before They Speak

I use this verse with my children to explain we must use our words to build each other up, not tear each other down. 

Words are very powerful. They are a reflection of what is in our hearts and minds. Once said, they can not be taken back. 

As part of their First Communion workshop at school this week, Alyssa and her classmates will be using tubes of toothpaste to illustrate this point. The students will squeeze toothpaste out from the tube and find that it does not go back in -- just like words once they are spoken. What a great visual!

Every time you have a thought -- and before the words come out of your mouth -- you have an opportunity to evaluate whether they will build up or tear down. 

A Friend Loves at all Times

Couldn't resist putting this verse with these two cuties! This is one of Alyssa's favorite friends.

I wanted to continue on yesterday's theme of teachable moments for children, so I thought I would share this verse about friendship because it is simple, yet powerful. 

Imagine if, as your child grows up, you were to work this thought into daily conversations you have with her about friendship ... It will be like planting a seed that will bloom into the buds of many beautiful friendships throughout her life!

Making the Most of Teachable Moments with your Children

So, one of your children takes the last cookie from the pantry, and the other cries foul. What do you say to help solve the situation?

How do you comfort your daughter when she comes into your room at night and tells you she is afraid to sleep by herself?

What do you say if your son comes home from school and tells you about kids who are making fun of another child?

These are all valuable teachable moments that many of us experience within our daily lives. But do we always know what to say or how to comfort our children?

What if you had the ability to take some of the pressure off of yourself by showing your child what God has to say about these types of situations?

There is a parenting resource out there just for that purpose! It's called Parenting With Scripture. The book is divided into 101 sections, arranged alphabetically by subject-matter. Examples include forgiveness, humility, anger and procrastination. Each topic is comprised of Scripture passages, discussion questions, action items and parenting tips.

The format is very user-friendly. Here is a sample page for the subject of worry.

So, if a child is frightened, you could look up courage. You might find something like, "When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Psalm 56:3.

If your children are not speaking kindly to one another, you could look up kindness where you might find, "Encourage one another and build each other up."
1 Thessalonians 5:11

If your child is nervous about a test, you might look up worry and find, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillippians 4:6-7

The point is to help you connect your child's daily life to the Bible and see how God's word can help them live a more healthy, happy and peaceful life.

If you would like more information, I would recommend listening to a Focus on the Family broadcast interview with the book's author, Kara Durbin.

Also, here is a link to 15 foundational bible verses the author recommends to help you in your parenting. These would be great to post on the fridge.

And, finally, the author has a great blog with lots of tangible examples. Enjoy!

Misbehavior is a Request for Love

When your child misbehaves, he is really asking, through his behavior, "Do you love me?" If you respond, "Yes, I love you," with your words and actions, you will fill up his love tank, take the pressure off and make it unnecessary for him to continue testing your love. This will likely correct the behavior. Another great piece of wisdom from the 5 Love Languages of Children.

Help Create Peace in Relationships by Using Requests Instead of Commands

Another wise thought from the 5 Love Languages of Children ... The difference between a command and a request: "Say thank you to your father," or "Would you say thank you to your father?" A request is more soothing, wards off anger and keeps us more positive and pleasant.

I got 26 Hugs from my Daughter this Morning

Isn't that sweet? I got 26 hugs from my daughter this morning! Why on earth would I write about that? Well, because it was before school in the rush of trying to get everyone out the door! Every parent knows how busy mornings can be!

This morning, Alyssa had a few extra minutes before it was time to go, so she wanted to read me a book called Big Hugs, Little Hugs. It tells a "story" about all of these different critters who hug and where they hug -- inside, outside, upstairs, downstairs ... you get the idea!

Reading it was cute enough, but then I was ready to move on. Not so with Alyssa -- she wanted to act out each and every hug.

One little voice in my head said, "Oh my goodness! I do not have time for this right now. I still have 26 things to do before we leave."

But another voice in my head said, "What could be more important than this?"

So, away we went on a hugging spree -- acting out each and every one. I have to admit, I was still feeling a bit reluctant -- it was 7:00 in the morning, my coffee hadn't quite kicked in yet, and my daughter was making me do all of these wacky things.

But, in the end, I'm so glad I made the choice to slow down for Alyssa this morning. It was the highlight of my day and a memory I won't soon forget! What could be better?

The Way We Talk To Our Children

A friend of mine has this quote displayed in her kitchen.

"The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. Discipline with soft words."

I love this reminder. Words are so powerful. As are the tone they are spoken with.

As parents, we yield quite a bit of power to influence our children's inner thoughts. We can influence the first thoughts they think when they wake up in the morning, the last thoughts before they go to bed at night ... and many thoughts in between.

This motto is easy to keep when everything is sailing smoothly, but the challenge comes when things are tense or when we are disciplining our children -- those times when anger or frustration is present. 

I also love the verse she has written above it, "Encourage one another and build each other up." That is what Jesus commands us to do. We must use our words to build people up, rather than tear them down.

Some examples of negatively using our words with our children are phrases such as these: "I can't believe you did that." or "What is the matter with you?" or "How could you do that?" or "You're a bad boy." or "You're so stupid." If this is how we speak to our children, these are the messages they will replay over and over in their minds throughout their lives. I don't know about you, but that is not how I want my children thinking about themselves.

Here's a personal example. The other night, we were trying to decide if we were going to go out for dinner or stay home. Tyler had a meltdown in the middle of it, because he wanted to stay home, but he also wanted to go out. He just couldn't decide. 

My husband got very frustrated by Tyler's tears and indecision and used some of the phrases I mentioned above. Rightfully so, Paul was frustrated with the situation. He doesn't like to see Tyler get upset over something seemingly so small. But what good do those phrases do in building up a child? Don't they just make the child feel worse?

I took a different approach that night by gently asking Tyler questions about why he was so upset and why he wanted to stay home. Wouldn't you know it, within a minute or two he came to the decision that he would like to go out. (I'm so glad he did! We had the best time!)

I'm not saying I always perform this well as a parent. And I'm not throwing Paul under the bus by sharing this example! He's on board! But, I share the story, because little lessons like these can help us all use our words to build up our children, instead of tear them down.

The Myth of the Perfect Parent

Parenting is hard -- especially when our children make mistakes. I'm talking about mistakes like not listening, hurting someone else's feelings, not sharing, hitting, etc.

When things like this happen around my house, I tend to beat myself up and blame myself. Why? Because I feel passionately that it is my job to raise good children. I am so afraid that I am going to mess this up. And there are no second chances here.

Image courtesy of Ambro /FreeDigitalPhotos.net

But, I recently gained a new insight on an old story that set me free from those negative thoughts.

It goes a little something like this. There once was the perfect Father, and he had two children, Adam and Eve, who sinned and rejected his ways.

Oh. My. Gosh. Stop the presses! Let me get this straight. God ... who is the perfect Father, had children who sinned?

Yes, I knew that. But I never put it into the context of my parenting.

If the most perfect Father could have children who sinned, how can I expect to have children who never make mistakes? And why am I beating myself up about it when they do mess up?

Wow! What a relief. It's a whole new perspective! Now, this doesn't mean that I will stop trying to raise wonderful human beings, but it means I will no longer expect to be the perfect parent!

Does that resonate with anyone else?

Moms and Anger

I heard this episode of Focus on the Family today that really hit home with me. Enough to make me sit down and write this.

It was about anger and moms. The guest on the show was Julie Ann Barnhill. She wrote a book called She's Gonna Blow.

I completely resonated with this woman. As I was listening I couldn't believe what I was hearing -- experiences so similar to mine. A couple of her stories were so funny they made me laugh out loud. I was shocked to hear someone else expressing part of what I went through as a mom.

With one child, I was fine -- so patient. People would compliment me everywhere I went on how patient I was. But then came baby #2, and oh my goodness. Suddenly there was much more stress ... and anger too. There simply wasn't enough of me to go around. This stress and anger took me aback. At the time, I didn't understand where it was coming from. But what is even worse is that I had no idea this was happening to other women. I thought it was just me.

There is a book I read several years ago called, I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids. I have always said if I wrote a book, my title would be, I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Two Kids.

Being the perfectionist that I am -- I have had to accept the fact that it is impossible for me to please both of my children at once, and that kills me, because I love them both so much. I believe that desire to please them both is part of where my anger came from.

The author says this anger during motherhood is a compilation of everything that may be causing us stress in life -- finances, career, relationship troubles and even problems from our past. She said it works like a volcano -- before the big eruption, there are many small earthquakes that signal something is wrong, but we ignore them until we lose it completely. Usually, the brunt of our anger is taken out on our kids or our spouse -- the people we love the most -- even when they are not the cause of it. Then we are filled with regret, shame and guilt.

Just knowing that this problem is not unique is healing. But Julie's insights and practical ways to handle the anger were also very helpful.

What do you think about this topic? Have you ever experienced surprising levels of anger while parenting? I'd love to hear from you on this!

Parenting is a Service-Oriented Vocation

While reading The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, I came across a quote that really struck me. It's in the section of the book about the love language called "Acts of Service."

Here is is:

"Parenting is a service-oriented vocation. The day you found out that you would have a child, you enrolled for full-time service. Your contract called for a minimum of eighteen years of service with an understanding that you would be on 'active reserve' for several years after that.

As a parent who must serve, you probably have discovered another truth about this love language. Acts of service are physically and emotionally demanding. Therefore, we parents must give attention to our own physical and emotional health. For physical health, we need balanced patterns of sleeping, eating and exercising. For emotional health, self-understanding and a mutually supportive marital relationship are crucial."

The reality of those two paragraphs just really hit me when I read them. Yes, parenting is a service-oriented occupation. Yes, it can be exhausting. Yes, we need to take care of ourselves in order to take care of our children. Yes, we need to take care of our marriages.

I think we all intuitively know this, but what a great reminder of what we signed up for!

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone looking to better understand their children's need for love. Since I started reading it I have been better able to understand what Tyler and Alyssa need from me.

It fills my soul to know I am communicating my love to them in the ways that mean the most to them.

And that is the greatest service we can provide to our children -- showing them our love.

Enough About Me ... Let's Talk About You

One day this week as we were standing outside school getting ready to go home, an older student approached Tyler and started asking about the patch of gray hair on the back of his head. His questioning was loud, a bit rude and included many of his own opinions about why Tyler had gray hair and what was going to happen next with it. It was nothing like the people who have politely inquired about it.

He even crossed a personal boundary and touched Tyler's hair. I honestly don't think the kid was trying to be mean, in fact, I think he may have a minor learning disability that inhibits his social filter.

At bedtime last night I asked Tyler about this interaction and he said, "Oh yeah, that kid always does that."

"Really? You've never told me that before," I said, feeling shocked that he had never mentioned it. "Does it bother you?"

"Sort of," he said.

"What is his name?" I asked.

"I don't know," he replied.

At that point, I explained to Tyler my hunch that this child probably has a minor learning disability that inhibits his social filter, and that he was most likely not trying to make Tyler feel bad.

But disability aside, there are plenty of people in the world who operate without social filters, so I knew this was an important lesson for Tyler.

My take on situations like this is that we can't control what other people think, do or say. The only thing we can control is us -- what we think, do and say.

So I suggested to Tyler, "The next time he comes up to you and starts talking about that, just smile and say, 'Enough about me ... let's talk about you. My name is Tyler. What's your name?'"

Then I gave him some questions he could ask the kid about himself. Things like -- "How long have you gone to this school?""Who are you friends with?""What do you like to do for fun?"

The key to handling situations like this gracefully is to turn the conversation around. Try to get the attention off of Tyler and on to the other child. Tyler really grabbed on to this solution and we talked about it for several minutes.

Honestly, this issue is not about the gray patch of hair on Tyler's head. He is really OK with it. It's been there since he was four -- and it's on the back of his head, so he rarely sees it or thinks about it. The issue is about how to handle awkward social situations with grace.

After my talk with Tyler, I went downstairs to talk to Paul about it, and much to my surprise, he said, "Your solution was right on, according to Dale Carnegie."

Imagine that -- me, unknowingly quoting Dale Carnegie!

Paul just recently finished reading Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, so he explained to me Carnegie's 6 Ways to Make People Like You:

1. Become genuinely interested in other people
2. Smile
3. Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
5. Talk in the terms of the other man’s interest
6. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely

My advice to Tyler incorporated several of these items. I guess I was on to something without even knowing it! Common sense, maybe? Regardless, I thought I'd share with all of you in case it is a tool that can help you or your children! Happy Thursday!

Ouch! I'm Wearing my Heart on the Outside of my Body

Yesterday when I picked Alyssa up from school, she came out of the building crying and very upset.

She couldn't even tell me what happened. I had to ask one of her friends. Apparently, a little boy told the teacher that Alyssa and another girl (his twin sister) hit and pushed him.

Alyssa said it was an accident. I'm not sure what she means by that. She's not normally the hitting type. Neither of my kids are. I wish I could have been there to observe the dynamics of the situation, because I don't know how to counsel her on what went wrong.

I asked if she hit him because she was angry with him, but she said, "No, it was just an accident." What does that mean? I'm confused. It's hard for me to imagine her just up and hitting or pushing someone. But, if she did, then she needs to know the consequences. I certainly don't want her hitting or pushing other children!

Anyway, the teacher had her apologize to the boy and said she would have to sit out on playtime the next day (today). Alyssa was confused by that. She thought if she said she was sorry that that would be enough. I had to explain to her that saying she was sorry was good, but that she made a bad choice in "accidentally" hitting someone, and that the time-out is the punishment for the bad choice.

So, since the event was at the end of the school day, Alyssa's punishment went overnight. (I think that was punishment enough!) The whole evening was excruciating for both of us. I felt like somebody ripped my heart out. She came to me in tears many times. She was worried her teacher was mad at her. She was worried about how long the time-out would be. She was worried that another teacher might see that she had a time-out and get mad at her too.

I tried to console her. Tyler tried. Paul tried. I even had her call a girlfriend from school. That actually turned out to be a really sweet experience! The girl was very caring and reassured Alyssa that everything would be all right. She made her giggle. She even said she would give her a prize if she was good during the time-out! How cute is that?

This morning on the way to school, Alyssa was pretty somber. I tried to cheer her up by making up silly songs about being in time-out, but it only worked mildly. (Might have been my singing!) All I can hope is that she learns something from this, and that we'll never have to deal with a problem like this again, and that this event scared her enough to always be on her best behavior at school.

I think for the first time I truly felt the essence of that Elizabeth Stone quote, "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Wow.

Experiences Help us Know we are LIVING!

We just got back from a wonderful mini-vacation in Lake Geneva, WI. It was our first time there. The reason for this blog post is to share my excitement about enjoying new "experiences" and stepping out of our comfort zones.

We stayed at the Timber Ridge Lodge and Waterpark, where they have several pools, hot tubs and two big water slides.

One of those slides was for going down in a raft, which was totally fun! But the other slide was for going down without a raft -- and it was pitch black inside. I wasn't so sure about trying this myself. Paul tried it and said it was fun, but a bit scary. I didn't attempt it the first day, but by the second day, I knew I had to!

I mean really -- kids 48 inches tall were going down this thing and having a ball, why shouldn't I!?  So, whoosh, I did, and I'm so glad! What fun! It was a little scary being in the water in the dark, and, to be totally honest, I did have to remind myself to breathe, but it was exhilarating to try it!

The other experience I almost let pass me by was going in the hot tub -- outside. Why? Because every time we walked by it, I froze my butt off. But Paul and Tyler pushed me, "You've gotta try it!" I was hesitant, but OMG! I  LOVED IT! I think I found a new favorite activity for when it's 30 degrees outside! I loved the feeling of being soooo warm under the water, while above the water, the fresh air was mixing with the mist and gently brushing across my face. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

As a parent, I notice that Tyler is a bit like me -- a little afraid to try something new -- especially something that could be risky. He did not want to try the water slide on the raft, but I reminded him of how much he loves the ride Test Track at EPCOT ... and how he was reluctant to get on that ride, too. That got him on the water slide in a jiffy!

While we were there, I also noticed the resort uses the word "experience" to describe their daily activity schedule. They say, "We don't remember days, we remember experiences." I thought that was really cool.

Overall, we had many wonderful "experiences" on our trip -- we tried new foods, taught the kids to play checkers, went down water slides, played in the pools, drifted in the lazy river, played family bingo, relaxed by the fire, discovered Lake Geneva and more. What fun!

How Alyssa's Preschool Gave me a Helpful Life Experience With Alyssa

Just wanted to share an interesting experience I am going through with Alyssa. There seemed to be some issues going on in her preschool class that ended up with Alyssa having hurt feelings and crying quite often. One morning on the way to school, Alyssa said through tears, "I want move back to Florida so I can have my Florida friends back, because these friends are too hard."

Oh my goodness. That broke my heart.

The teacher and I talked about this issue and were working on it, when one day she suddenly put all of the puzzle pieces together. She said some of the the other children in class may be experiencing jealousy toward Alyssa, because her mom has been volunteering in the classroom.This created an interesting dynamic.

Here's one example of what was happening: When I arrived at school to volunteer, the whole class would come running over to hug me, nearly knocking me down. Alyssa used to be a part of that big hug. She seemed proud to have her mom at school.

But as the year went on, I noticed she would not come hug me -- she would go off by herself. I wondered why. It seemed like she looked sad, too...but why would that be? Her mom was at school -- wouldn't that make her happy?

The teacher suggested I take a break from volunteering in the classroom to see if it worked better for Alyssa.

At first, I felt bad and sad about it, but after I had time to process the situation and talk with my life coach, I realized this was definitely the best thing. My life coach helped me to see what was happening energetically.

She said if you take out of your mind who the people are and just describe the situation you will see what is happening more clearly. So, in our case, a source of love (a parent) walks into a classroom of four and five-year-olds who have been away from their parents all day. The children are thirsty for love, so they run to the source of the love for a hug. This makes the child of the source of love feel abandoned, because she think there is no room for her with the source of love, so she goes off by herself, feeling bad.

My life coach also reminded me of something I didn't think I'd see until Alyssa was a teenager -- there tends to be an inherent feeling of competition between mothers and daughters. Well, regardless what her age is, the feeling of competition with her mother is not something I wish for my daughter to experience at all. So, I knew it was time to talk to Alyssa immediately.

Here's how our conversation went:

Me: Alyssa, how does it make you feel when mommy gets to school and all of the other kids come running up to me and give me a hug?

Alyssa: Sad.

Me: Sad? Why?

Alyssa: Because I think they like you more than me.

Oh my gosh. How sad to think that she thought that. And how amazing that a five-year-old could put that into words so simply.

I am grateful I took the time to talk with her teacher and my life coach, because it prepared me for that conversation with her.

I explained to her that her friends love her very much, and that even though they run to her mom for a hug at school, it's only because they wish they were hugging their mom instead.

I told her how much I love her and that there will always be enough love in my heart for her and her freinds, too! We ended the conversation with a big hug and a giggle as she started to get emotional and instructed me that we could stop talking about it now. OMG!