Motivational Mom's Life Coaching Seminar

A letter to my 5-year-old about riding the school bus for the first time

Here it comes!

Dear Alyssa,

Here we are at the beginning of your kindergarten year. That, in and of itself, is a big milestone, and we have both been so excited about it. You are growing up very fast, and I am so proud of you. This is going to be a great year!

Last week after much begging, I let Tyler ride the school bus for the first time. When I said, "yes" to his request, I knew you were going go want to ride it, too -- and that I'd probably have to say, "yes" to you, as well.

The facts are these my little angel: Tyler is eight. Tyler is a boy. You are five. You are a girl. Yes, you are a big girl, but you will always be my little girl. And you are my youngest child.

Getting on!

Some of the other kindergarten moms thought I was crazy to let you ride the bus. Others wondered why I wouldn't let you ride it.

Everyone -- friends and family -- cracked up when they heard I met the bus at school to see your bright, shining face as you got off of it. I laughed too! I guess it is kind of funny! But, why wouldn't I? I love to see you happy. And I love to see you so excited about getting to do big kid things!

When I finally gave in and said you could ride the bus, I was in the kitchen and you were standing at the top of the stairs looking over the railing at me with hopeful eyes. As I very quietly said, "yes," you started jumping up and down and screaming with glee. Then you ran right into your room to get your shoes and socks on. It made me feel soooo fulfilled to see you that excited! I think I will always remember that moment.

Speaking of moments, another doozie was that day in the car this week when you were talking to me about riding the bus, and I said, "I'm not ready for you to ride the bus." Then you so matter-of-factly replied, "But mom, I'm ready."

Arriving at school!

Well, Alyssa, I know. I know you are ready. You are so totally ready. But mommy will never be ready to let go of her little girl -- even for such a small thing as to take a 10-minute bus ride to school.

I just want you to know that I love you with every fiber of my being and that I like driving you to school. So if you ever decide you don't want to ride the bus, I'll gladly take you there.

Love,
Mommy

The Husband and Wife Ironing Controversy

Photo from http://www.oneinchpunch.net/

One of my clients had an interesting controversy about ironing and her husband that I wanted to share. Her husband hates ironing. So does she. Neither one of them is good at it.

Leah had this internal, old-fashioned voice inside that told her she should be ironing for her husband. That is what she saw her mom do. That thought is an old agreement she believed about what she thought roles and responsibilities are for a stay-at-home mom.

But in the real world in the 2000's, Leah does not like ironing. She barely irons her own clothes. Also, she works from home and does not think she has extra time to iron for him during the day -- when she isn't taking care of the kids, she is working. Some of her thoughts were, "He doesn't iron my clothes, why should I iron his. We are in this 50-50. I work just as hard around here all day as he does at work."

Every time her husband picked up the iron he ended up swearing and getting totally frustrated. Because of Leah's internal beliefs that she should be the one ironing, she felt a dagger go into her heart every time she heard him get pissed off as he was ironing. Part of her felt bad, like she should iron for him, but another part of her thought he needs to be responsible for his own ironing, just as she was hers.

This went on for years. Like more than 10. And they never really talked about it. It was just an experience that kept occurring.

It recently came to light again. Leah heard her husband complaining about ironing more and more. But she didn't say much other than to suggest he look for a tutorial video on YouTube. He did that, but didn't really find anything helpful.


photo from http://www.oneinchpunch.net/



Finally, one day, Leah decided to try to help make her husband's ironing experience better. She went out and bought him a new iron and ironing board. Her husband was excited about the new purchases and hoped it would help, but it only helped a little bit. He still got frustrated when he ironed.

Leah's next idea was to take his shirts to the cleaners to be professionally pressed. She did that and surprised him one day. It worked! He loved the surprise! They talked about the expense, which neither one of them had too much of a problem with, considering the frustration the ironing caused.

Finally, knowing he was in a good mood about the subject, Leah was brave enough to be honest with her husband. She said she had this old-fashioned, internal belief that she should be ironing for him, but that she did not want to. She said it felt like a dagger in her heart when she heard him get frustrated about ironing, because she thought the swear words were aimed at her. She said she didn't want his ironing to be her responsibility, but she wouldn't mind dropping shirts off at the cleaners and picking them up. He said she was awesome. That made her feel very relieved.

The moral of this story is in communication. Leah should have been more honest with her husband a long time ago, but she wasn't because she was afraid to rock the boat. Instead, she let this pattern repeat itself for more than 10 years and grate on both of their nerves. Now the issue is out in the open, making it easier for both of them to be honest.

Parenting Dilemmas

It's been an interesting week for me -- I've been deliberating about whether to send Alyssa to school for half-days or full days.

My initial thought was to send her half days this semester and full days next semester.

The class she is in is a full day class. She was the only one leaving after half the day.

But, after the first week, Alyssa expressed her preference to go for the full day. She said she didn't have enough time to play when she left after a half day.

Part of me was jumping for joy at the thought of having from 8 a.m. until 2 p.m. every day to work and get my stuff done. But, part of me felt I should keep her with me as long as I could...to completely fulfill my stay-at-home-mom duties and to continue to mold and shape Alyssa with our family values.

Ahhhh....the dilemma.

I spoke with her teacher about it, and she thought Alyssa would do fine, so we decided to try it for a few days this week. Of course, Alyssa took right to it.

On the first day she was going to go the full day, she flat out told me, "Mommy, if you need to cry you can bury your face in my princess pillow." Seriously?!?! My four-year-old just said that to me?

Then, she gave me a plastic fairy window decoration she made and said if I miss her and feel sad, I can squeeze the fairy. Oh my word. The things that come out of this kid's mouth!

All week long, Alyssa continually expressed that she loved to be there the full day.

This morning I said, "So, before I make my final decision, I want to make sure you would prefer to be at school in the afternoon, instead of home with mommy." She said, "Yes, mommy."

I said, "OK. Give me a hug. I love you. Thank you for being honest and sharing your preference with me." We hugged for a minute, and when I let her go, I noticed she had tears in her eyes. I think she realized it was a big decision and that mommy would miss her.

So, I guess that's it. She's going full days. In some ways it feels like the end of something -- my official "stay-at-home mom" days. But, I know it is so much more than that. This is a beginning. For me. For Alyssa. For our whole family.

We have just moved across the country. The kids are adjusting BEAUTIFULLY to their new school -- so much so that Alyssa wants to be there all day. What more could I ask for? My children are thriving here! This was my biggest fear about moving -- "What about the kids?" I guess I have my answer! Thank you, God! xoxoxo

New School, New Adventures!

It was such a joy watching Tyler and Alyssa adjust to their new school last week. It is awesome having them in the same school!

Tuesday was the funniest day of all. We laughed so hard as we listened to their stories about seeing each other and interacting (or not) during the day!

It all started when Alyssa couldn't find her snack in her backpack. Her teacher sent her down to Tyler's class to "borrow" a snack from him. She found some crackers and ate them all, except two. She put them back in Tyler's lunch box.

They told me about this when I picked Alyssa up from school at 11:00, but what they didn't tell me was that Tyler was not in the classroom when that happened. So, imagine Tyler's surprise when he opened up his lunch box to find a snack-size Ziplock with only two crackers in it! LOL!

Then, at one point, Alyssa snubbed Tyler in the hallway -- he said hello, and she ignored him! Later when we were having the conversation about it, he said, "By the way, what were you doing in the hallway alone anyway?" Apparently she was walking a friend to the office for an ice pack.

The reason Tyler saw them in the hallway was because he was going to get a new pair of shorts -- apparently he slid down the slide right into a puddle of water. The office staff got him a "new" used pair to borrow. The funny part about that story is that I didn't know about it. So, when I went into the school later in the day to purchase an additional pair of shorts for Tyler, just because we needed them, they said, "Oh, he already got a new pair today!" Imagine my surprise! Too funny!

It was a nutty, funny, crazy, joyful week! Hopefully this week will be just as fun!

Jack Johnson and Curious George Inspire

I know it's not a new song, but it's one that's really stuck in my head right now. Jack Johnson's Upside Down. It just feels so good to listen to. It's so positive and upbeat and full of hope. It makes me want to sing and dance.

It inspires me when he says "Who's to say ... What's impossible." ... Right? It's up to US to say what IS possible. Don't let people tell you that you can't do something. If you want to do it, go for it! Is it a dream of a trip you'd like to take? An advanced degree you'd like to earn? A career change? A place you'd like to live? Anything is possible ... it's up to you!

I also love how he says, "There's no stopping curiosity." I think some of us forget about curiosity as we get older. Kids have an amazing curiosity about them, they're into everything! But somehow as adults, we let that fade away as we get bogged down in our daily lives. We stop exploring. Let's get out there and try some things we've never done before!

How's this for inspiration, "I want to turn the whole thing upside down ... I'll find the things they say just can't be found." I love that! It's motivation! Well, it is for me anyway -- if someone tells me "it can't be done," that only pushes me harder to figure it out. And, trust me I do. Just ask any of my friends! :)

So, we've got all of this excitement and motivation, and then, the scary part comes -- what if we go after a goal and "fail" or try something new, like skiing, and fall? Have we really failed? Heck no! We tried! We LIVED! We experienced. Isn't that what we're here for? To love and live and have experiences?

And, as Jack says, "This world keeps spinning and there's no time to waste." You don't have yesterday -- it's gone. You don't have tomorrow -- it's not here yet. You only have today. Right now! So, what is it you want to do? Learn a new skill or sport? Start your own business? Make new friends? Repair a broken relationship? Come on! Let's go turn this world upside down!

What Spiders Taught Me About My Life

I had an experience yesterday, and I'd like to share in case it enlightens anyone else...here's what happened.

We are currently staying in my grandmother's old house while we wait to sell our Florida home. It is my dad's mother's house. Much needs to be done to this old house to make it habitable for our family. Over the weekend, Paul noticed some electrical issues and suggested we call Gary, my mom's significant other, to come over and look at it since he is a professional electrician.

"NO, you can't do that," I said to Paul, feeling very agitated. "That will never work. My dad will never be OK with that."

I felt so stressed about this, because Gary is who I would want to do the work if it were my home. But it's not my home. It's under the care and supervision of my dad.

Then, I realized how hurt my mother would feel if I didn't ask Gary to do the work.

NICE. Here I am at 36 years old. My parents have been divorced since I was 10. And I'm still getting all hyped up emotionally over anything that has to do with the two of them together. Whenever these types of situations arise, I feel like no matter what decision I make, I will hurt one of them. And, the last thing I want to do is hurt either of my parents.

I had a talk with a friend, who reminded me of the work that I have already been doing to handle these situations better. I remembered that I can't control my parents or their feelings. But I can control me, and by doing that I have the power to make these experiences more peaceful for everyone.

I think this is really coming to light now as I move back "home" near my family. I am really excited about it, but if I don't work on how I handle these situations, it will be a difficult move, instead of a joyful one.

I have the choice for how I want my relationships with my parents to be. Instead of letting my emotions run wild and feeling like I need to defend myself when I make decisions that might hurt one of them, I can use a tool from my life coaching toolbox. I can simply put myself in their shoes. Think about how they are feeling, and give them my love. Of course, I love both of my parents, and I do not want either of them to feel hurt by decisions I make.

Interestingly enough -- the day after this experience happened, I had a few run-ins with spiders -- in real life and in my dreams. I looked up their spiritual meaning, and, among other things, one website said that spiders are the teacher of balance between past and future. Wow. That made me immediately think about this experience with my parents, my past with my parents and my future with them -- especially now that I am moving back. It's up to me for how I want this to be. Peaceful or chaotic. I'm aiming for peace, and I know it is possible...one experience at a time!

Written with love and respect for all of my parents...please notice I did not share any of my parents actual feelings -- only my perceptions for how they would be. Also note that my parents were not really a part of this experience -- it was all in my head based on assumptions. :)

Random Acts of Kindness

I experienced an act of kindness last week that moved me to tears, and I have been excited to find time to share it with you.

Our family is without medical insurance for 2 weeks since Paul changed jobs. We realize that is a serious issue, and we discussed it. If something major came up, we would use COBRA, if something minor came up, we would self-pay.

As luck would have it, one of us came down with something that needed medical attention. You'd think it was one of the kids, but, no, it was me. I called the doctor's office and spoke to the nurse and tried to see if there was any way around coming in, but there was not. I knew they were right, so in I went, planning to self-pay. The office staff told me they would discount my price for the visit if I paid in full that day. I was fine with that, although stressed to have to spend that kind of money at all right now...and in disbelief that this would happen in the teeny, tiny 2-week window that I was without medical coverage.

My nurse told me I would have to see a different doctor -- one I had never seen before in all of my years at that practice. I was a bit nervous about it, but she assured me I would love him. She said he was sweet.

He was! I liked him right away. During my time with him, I explained the temporary lack of medical insurance and that I couldn't believe this would happen in this itsy, bitsy 2-week window, and, by the way, can we find a way to keep the prescription cost low? I was actually pretty stressed out about it, and I think the doctor sensed that.

My visit went well. The doctor was fantastic and assured me he would help out. That made me feel a little more relieved. Then he told me the prescription would probably only cost $10, or so. Sweet!

After the visit, I went to the check-out counter to pay, and the clerk said, "Oh, there's no charge today." "Huh?" I said. Then, she said, "Look, he circled 'no charge;' you're all set."

That's when the tears came. I was shocked. I didn't expect that at all. I didn't know what to say or do at that moment. I wanted to go back and say "thank-you," but I figured he was already in with another patient, and the tears might cause a scene. So I walked out to my car bawling and decided I would send a heart-felt thank you note, instead.

Why was I so moved by this? What that doctor did was about more than money. It was about taking care of patients – the whole patient, not just the symptoms. He took one component of my stress right out of the picture. He made it disappear. And by doing that, he helped my outlook on the other stressful parts of my life.

That experience has left a very big impression on me. It filled my heart with joy, hope, gratitude and motivation to pay it forward. Amazing.

Michael Buble Has it Right

I love Michael Buble's song, "Haven't Met You Yet." But every time I hear it, I am drawn to the part where he says, "I give so much more than I get." What an awesome philosophy for relationships! It's how it should be. Ideally, we should be freely giving our love to our loved ones without expecting anything in return.

In relationships, I think we naturally tend to be selfish and constantly wonder, "What's in it for me? If I do this for you, what will you do for me?" It's nobody's fault. It's the way we were raised. That's how life starts as a kid. But now that we're adults, it's time to change that type of thinking -- especially when it comes to the relationship with our significant other -- the most important relationship of all.

If we focus on what we are doing for our significant other, instead of what they are not doing for us, we will feel so much happier.

Instead of thinking things like, "if only he would send me flowers," or "if only he would offer to help me clean the kitchen," shift your focus to thinking about what you can do for your spouse. What would help him or her out today? Could you make a call for him or run an errand for her? Maybe it's something as simple as telling them how great they look that day. If you take the time to try this tactic, I think you'll see it works really well!

I'm not saying you should never sit your partner down and talk to them about things you would like them to do for you, you should still do that. I'm just proposing that we should not to get so caught up in the negative thoughts about what they are not doing. Next time you catch yourself with a thought like that, replace it with something that you will do for your partner that day. A specific action like the examples I mentioned above.

Check out this story I found online:

A woman wanted to divorce her husband and make him really suffer. So she went to a lawyer and told him, “I want to divorce my husband. I know that I am going to get control of most of his assets, but I want to make his life miserable. What could I do?”

“Have you told him yet?” the attorney asked. She hadn’t.

“OK,” he continued. “Here’s the plan. For three months, don’t criticize him. Speak only well of him and build him up. Every time he does something right, commend him for it and tell him what a great guy he is. Do that for 12 weeks. When he thinks he has your full confidence and love – nail him! Tell him you’re filing for divorce. It will come as a complete shock!”

The woman loved the plan and was confident her husband would fall for it. For three months she complimented him, built him up, and said wonderful things to him.

One day the lawyer called her back. “Are you ready to file?” he asked. “Oh, no,” the woman said. “We won’t be needing your services. In fact, we’re having a second honeymoon!”

By taking a more positive tack and building up her husband, she actually helped to turn her marriage around and make it better than ever.

Food for thought!

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

Because I think it could improve the lives of everyone on this planet, I've been moved to share something I've learned through my work with my life coach. That something is the concept of putting yourself in someone else's shoes.

When you are having a disagreement or an argument with your spouse or a  friend or your mother and you are having trouble seeing eye-to-eye on the matter, STOP. Stop the conversation. Stop thinking about the issue from only your perspective. Ask yourself, "How does he or she feel?" It will work like magic! You will suddenly know what you need to do! It's amazing.

I'll put myself (and Paul and Tyler) out there and share a story with you. One afternoon, Paul, Tyler and I were walking outside in the grass. Paul and Tyler started roughing around, pushing each other. Eventually, one of Paul's pushes was too much for Tyler and he hit the ground. I gasped at the sound his body made when it hit the ground. It was a loud thump. Tyler started crying. Then, Paul accused me of making Tyler cry by gasping.

That thought was crazy to me. He wasn't crying because I gasped, he was crying because he hit the ground. I thought I was being somewhat rational and told Paul not to tell me how to react when my son hits the ground, and I wouldn't tell him not to push my son to the ground. We were at an impasse. Paul was convinced I made Tyler cry, and I was convinced I did nothing wrong by gasping -- what mother doesn't gasp when her kids fall?

At that point, we dropped the issue, but it was still bothering me. Here's where the magic comes in. I brought the issue up with my life coach, Lynne. The first thing she asked was, "How do you think Paul felt when his push caused Tyler to fall to the ground?"

I said, "Oh. I never thought about how he felt. I guess he felt bad. They were just having fun. He didn't mean for Tyler to get hurt." I continued with a little epiphany, "Then, when I gasped, he probably thought it was in disapproval for pushing Tyler, but it wasn't ... I knew they were goofing around. I gasped at the sound of Tyler hitting the ground."

So Lynne said, "Then, what could you have said to Paul after Tyler fell instead of defending yourself for gasping?" Honestly, I struggled with this -- I was still thinking about defending myself. I needed some coaxing from Lynne. She suggested I could have said something to address Paul's feelings like, "Oh, don't worry, he's fine. You didn't mean to hurt him. This was just an accident." That would have let him know I didn't blame him, which I didn't.

It wasn't until Lynne got me out of my own head and into Paul's that I could handle this situation. Thinking about what Paul was thinking and feeling diffused my own defensiveness and created a channel of understanding and communication.

After my conversation with Lynne, I shared what I learned with Paul and we both apologized for our part. It was a great learning lesson. And that's just a minor little thing. Imagine if you could use this technique on much bigger, emotional issues!! Give it a try! I assure you, it will make a difference in your life!

The Diving Bell and The Butterfly

Have you ever seen the Diving Bell and The Butterfly? It's a movie that was released in 2008. 

Here's a quick overview: On December 8 1995 at 43, Jean-Dominique Bauby, inventive and charismatic editor in chief of the French magazine Elle suffered a massive stroke and his brain stem was rendered inactive. After lapsing into a coma, he awoke 20 days later to find himself the victim of locked-in syndrome - mentally alert but a prisoner inside his own body, his only means of communicating with the outside world the blinking of his left eye.


Forced to adjust to this unique perspective, Bauby created a new world for looking into himself to find the only two things that weren't paralyzed, his imagination and his memory. At The Maritime Hospital in France he was taught an alphabet, a code in the order of the most frequently used letters in the French alphabet. Letter by letter, painstakingly words, sentences and paragraphs tell the story of a profound adventure into the human psyche and into the battle between life and death. This alphabet unlocked the prison of Jean-Dominique's body which he called his Diving Bell and travelled the border-less regions of freedom that he called The Butterfly. 


Watching this movie was an assignment for my life coaching class. Why, you ask, would a movie like this be a class assignment? Because it's so inspiring. It shows that anything in life is possible. It's up to us – we have a choice in life to suffer or to soar. 


Jean-Dominique at first wanted to die after waking up from his coma and realizing he was “locked in” – who could blame him – but when he realizes he still has his imagination and his memories, he uses them to write a book. Yes, this man wrote an entire book by blinking his one working eye.

This tells me that any excuse I have for not going after my dreams in life are lame. If a man who is paralyzed from head-to-toe and is unable to speak can write a book by blinking one eye, I can surely accomplish anything I set my mind to! 


This movie shows us that there is no obstacle too great. When the going gets tough, get creative, like Jean-Dominique's therapist did by devising the system for him to communicate. 


Although the prognosis was grim, Jean-Dominique's therapists did not give up on him. They never stopped trying to improve his quality of life, and he achieved one of his life goals of writing a book. He still lived his life to the best of his ability. Amazing. Moving. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it.

How our Realtor got the kids involved in the sale of our home

When we hired Sandee Bozzuto to sell our home, we were looking for qualities like her knowledge of real estate, the current market and our community, but what we were not expecting was the way she involved our children in this life-changing event.

To start, I must say the kids took an immediate liking to her and made her little gifts the first time she came over. It was so sweet!

The next day, when she brought Paul and I our contract to sign with her, she also brought Tyler and Alyssa their own Coldwell Banker folder with a coloring sheet and a Kids Contract.

She spent time with each of them individually going over their contract. It was kid-friendly and printed in full-color -- really cute! The Kids Contract is the official agreement between Sandee and the kids that they will keep their room clean every day, pick up their clothes, put away their clothes and make their bed. She told the kids that their efforts will help her show the house and sell it.

They ate it up! I think she could have gotten away with that, because they liked her so much, but she promised to give them each a $25 gift card for keeping their end of the contract. Wow!

It was such a fun experience for all of us. I really appreciated that this seemingly minor effort for Sandee was doing something so significant for our children. As we all know, moving to another state is a very big deal, and part of helping children cope with it is to make the experience an adventure. This experience with Sandee certainly qualifies as that.

Not to mention the fact that Tyler made his bed today for the first time ever!!!!! How cool is that! Thank you, Sandee!

Hold onto Your Hats! Windy City, Here We Come

It's been a very exciting time in the Haisman household -- we're M.O.V.I.N.G. -- to Chicago! Yikes!

Yes, I know it's cold there! That's the furthest thing from my worries at this point. It's the distance from my wonderful family and friends here in Fort Myers that has me most teary-eyed. Paul and I have been here almost 15 years.

The reason we are leaving is that Paul found a FANTASTIC job opportunity. He will be the top IT professional for the YMCA of the USA! Neither of us could be any more excited about this opportunity. It is amazing, and we are feeling very blessed. The opportunity is not just for Paul though, it is for the whole family -- because my family lives in the Chicago area -- what a gift! The thought of living near my family has me very excited.

Although Tyler and Alyssa are leaving Paul's parents, they will be closer to my parents, my brothers and their wives, my sister and her husband, their cousin, Katlin, and their two new cousins who will be born in July! Not to mention tons of extended family.

All four of us are excited for a change ... for a new adventure. And this is the attitude we will take with us and teach to the children. This entire experience is a teaching experience for them -- about the logistics of moving and the emotions that go with it. It seems unusual to be feeling happy, excited, sad and scared all at the same time.

We're working with Tyler and Alyssa to sort through the emotions and be present as the friends and family we are leaving behind express their emotions, as well. It's difficult to know a decision you are making is hurting other people. It makes the whole experience feel bittersweet.

We know how it feels to be on the other end of good friends moving, as we've had two families move away from us recently. It is heartbreaking, but life does go on. Thank goodness for cell phones and the Internet! It's not the same, but it'll have to do for now.

Although everything for us is changing all at once, one thing is for sure -- we love, love, love our SWFL family and friends no matter where we live!

My Media Free Week

As an assignment for my life coaching class, I was instructed to practice being quiet. For seven consecutive days I was to watch NO television, listen to NO radio, watch NO movies and read NO newspapers. 

Sound scary? It wasn't, but it was more difficult than I thought. I’ve already paired down my media consumption quite a bit, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal, but my media habits are more ingrained than I thought.

Overall, I would say the experience has been very peaceful and calming. I think all the background noise and negative news creates more stress than I realized. It was also a bonding experience for me -- with both Paul and the kids.

It was bonding with Paul because he participated with me -- what a guy! Seriously! That meant a lot to me. It was bonding with the kids, because we were music free in the car and really enjoyed our conversations! 

During this time, I’ve noticed there is music playing in virtually every public place in this town. I was at the Bell Tower coffee shop trying to work one day, but the music was so LOUD, I had to leave early – before getting all of my work done. I just couldn’t take the noise anymore. I have to say, though, that leaving early ended up being a gift, because I got some shopping done for our upcoming family photos. I was really excited about that, because it saved me time and stress later in the week! 

Also during the week, I noticed how habitual we are about our TV, music and newspaper reading. On the first day, I reached for the radio right after dropping Alyssa off for school – forgetting for a moment about the no media week.

There was also one day when I went out to pick up the paper in the driveway and started reading one of the stories on my way into the house – Paul promptly reminded me about the no media week! Then, one afternoon, I glanced at the one of the TVs at the gym and watched an entire story before I remembered the no media week! Another awkward time was going to bed at night – Paul and I usually fall asleep to the TV. We also turn the news on first thing in the morning to catch up on the world’s happenings.  

Before having children, I almost always had the TV on at home – I couldn't bear the silence – but I stopped that habit after having children. This no media week took that to a new level for me. I realized I use some of the time listening to the news and radio to drown out my thoughts. To shut my brain off. To go on auto pilot. By going no media this week, I realized that I will be OK if I let myself think, if I sit in silence. I realized that it's actually more relaxing to leave it off. And, for sure, I was more productive!

I am excited to report that Paul read a book during this time!!! Yippee! It’s been sitting on his dresser forever! The book was about leadership and was great for where he is in his career right now. Overall, Paul says he has enjoyed the silence. How cool!

So, I think I will continue to keep media to a minimum in my life for now. Not totally eliminated, but less -- especially in the car with the kids. We do a lot of driving to and from school, and that is valuable time where we can share about our days! 

A Time to Plan

I recently learned a statistic that says 80 percent of success in life comes from taking action, and only 20 percent comes from planning. I'm not sure where the statistic originated, but I heard it from Master Life Coach David Essel.

What that tells me is that many of us spend way too much time planning our lives -- personal and professional. David says we "overplan" to avoid doing the things we don't want to do, and that too much planning and not enough action keeps us from being successful and getting what we want out of life.

He also said there is a best time of the day to do our planning. Did you know that? I didn't. Surprisingly, it's at the end of the day -- not the beginning of the day.

"If we walk into the office in the morning and we don’t have a plan yet, we are sunk," David says. "Our planning should never be done in the morning. Ever."

Why? Because most people feel the most energetic in the morning, and the least in the late afternoon. David says we should not waste our morning energy on planning. "You’re spinning your wheels ... you’ve got to do the action first."

That makes sense to me. Since I am at my best in the morning, I shouldn't waste that energy on planning. Instead, I should be working on more creative tasks and taking action on my "to-do" list. Then, if I sit down to plan at the end of the day, I'll be ready to hit the ground running when I get up the next day!

David says the difference between people who are incredibly successful and those who are not, is that those who are successful understand the principle of 80 percent action, 20 percent planning. Action in the morning. Planning at night.

I've been trying this new philosophy over the past week, and it's worked out great! I am finishing up projects left and right and simply enjoying knowing I am using my bubbly morning energy to be productive!

I also started two new productivity techniques this week. I started putting a time guesstimate next to each project to help give me an idea of how long it will take. Then, I decide which of the 15 items on my "to-do" list I can actually accomplish that day. I don't choose them all -- only a few. This way, I feel good at the end of the day, instead of behind.

Happy Friday!

Making the Best of it: A lesson for the Kiddos!

This weekend we planned on a camping trip with Tyler's Cub Scout pack. It was the final camping outing of the year and featured the annual Blue & Gold dinner.

On Saturday afternoon, we got to the campground, set up, played for a while and headed over to the banquet hall for the dinner and awards ceremony. The weather was not looking good. During the ceremony, it started to pour. We thought about our campsite and everything that was outside, and we checked the weather forecast on our phones to see was in store for the rest of the night -- the answer was not good. It was going to rain all night and into the next day.

I don't know about you, but rain just kind of takes the fun out of camping for me. So, once we got back to our campsite and saw how soaked everything was, we packed it up and went home. This was not a decision that made Tyler happy -- after all it was the last camping trip of the year, and he was having a ball. There was still a nature walk and a campfire to look forward to.

Paul and I understood how he felt and decided to make the most of it for him. We told the kids we would "camp" on the family room floor! This seemed to help. On the way home in the car, we talked about what fun we had had so far and about how fun it would be to sleep in the family room together.

When we got home, we set up the sleeping bags on the floor, got out the flashlights and told ghost stories in the dark! It was awesome! We totally made the best of it! And, we used this experience to teach the kids about that life lesson -- we all make the grandest of plans, but sometimes, things change. We have two choices -- give up and cry or go out and make the best of it! I choose to make the best of it!

Get rid of that Mommy guilt!

I can't believe how great I feel this morning! I have so much energy, and I have been really "present" with the kids. I think it is because they went to stay with Grandma and Grandpa yesterday -- from about 1 p.m. until 9 a.m. this morning. Yippee! Paul and I had a break!

After we dropped the kids off, we went to get a couples massage; I got a pedicure; we went to a local waterfront restaurant for an appetizer and a cocktail; then we spent the evening chillin' on the patio at a friend's house. It was so relaxing.

I started to miss the kids early, though. The entertainer at the restaurant had his 3-year-old daughter with him -- she was playing around the stage and laying down in his guitar case. It was so cute! Watching her made me miss my little guys and feel guilty for wanting a break from them. It's funny how that works, isn't it? You want a break so bad, but when you get it, you feel guilty for taking it.

Well, this morning when I realized how happy I was to see the kids and play with them, I thought about that guilt, and I realized I shouldn't feel that way, because the mom Tyler and Alyssa got back this morning was a much better mom than the exhausted one that dropped them off at Grandma's house the day before.

As parents, we need a break from our kids. We need time just to be, and we shouldn't feel guilty for taking it. It makes us better parents when we are with them. Happy  Sunday!

It's all in the utensil

The other night at dinner, Alyssa became difficult. She wanted me to feed her. This is what she does when she is tired or when she is not thrilled about what is being served.

She’s four years old. I should not have to be feeding her – isn’t that supposed to stop when they’re babies???

But, every once in a while I’ll give in, just to get the job done – that’s a mistake, I know! Well, that night, I was not in the mood to feed her. I tried to be creative with my words, I tried to bribe her with dessert, but nothing was working. She kept whining, crying, and reaching across the table for me to help her.

I was out of ideas, so I got up and went into the kitchen to start cleaning up. I left her there with Tyler and Paul. Next thing I know, I hear commotion and whispering at the table. Something very exciting was going on! I pretended not to see what it was, because I got the gist I wasn’t supposed to. But, I knew. I peeked!

Next thing I know, Alyssa has finished her dinner – thanks to her Daddy’s creativity! He got her to eat by giving her chopsticks instead of a fork! Too funny! She loved the idea and went wild with it!

I was so grateful for Paul’s creativity – it was just what she (and I ) needed at that moment!

The Stroller Incident

While at EPCOT last weekend, we rented a double stroller for the kids. At dinnertime, we decided on a little café in Morocco and went inside. We left the stroller right outside the restaurant, but when we came back, the stroller was gone.

At first, we weren’t too concerned – sometimes Disney cast members move them around. So, we looked around and asked a couple of cast members, but it appeared the stroller was MIA. Huh. Who would steal a stroller at Disney?

It wasn’t a big deal as far as we were concerned – we didn’t leave anything personal in it, and it wasn’t our stroller. We knew the stroller wouldn’t leave EPCOT, so it wouldn’t be a loss to Disney. It was just a minor inconvenience.

We kept a light-hearted attitude with the kids and didn’t get upset about it – we want them to learn to take things in stride and save getting all worked up for the important things in life.

We did take the opportunity, though, to educate the kids about theft. This was their first experience with it. We just explained that not everyone is honest. Sometimes people do things that are less than caring to other people. They were disappointed that someone took “our” stroller, but we pointed out that nothing was lost to us. All we had to do was go pick up another stroller.

Tyler, Alyssa and I waited on a sidewalk while Paul went to get a new stroller. When he came back, the kids hopped in and Paul put down the sun canopy, since it was dark. There happened to be two Disney cast members standing next to us, and one of them said, “Oh my gosh, how did you do that?”

So, Paul showed her how to put it down – it is actually a hidden latch underneath the stroller that is not marked in any way. There’s no way you would know it was there – unless you knew. And, it is apparently not something Disney teaches its cast members, because these two were not the first ones we have shown.

Paul continued with the cast member and asked if she wanted to try it herself, just so she would know exactly how it works for future guests. She tried it and was very appreciative we took the time to show her how it works.

Paul and I realized as we were walking away that we would never have been able to help her in that way if someone hadn’t walked off with our stroller. We were sure to share that with the kids and teach them that something good can always come out of something “bad.” Life is what you make it, right?

On a funny note, the nametag we put on the first stroller was Tylyss. When we got the second stroller, Paul named it Tylyss II. Just another way to laugh about the incident!

Breakin’ the Rules

Paul and I had been planning on taking the kids up to Disney this weekend for about a month. As luck would have it, I received a very big assignment from a client that made me reconsider going – I thought maybe we should stay home, and I would work over the weekend instead, to make sure I met my deadline with as little last minute stress as possible.

I actually spoke with my life coach about this, and we talked about my priorities in life. My family is my biggest priority. Although I love what I do, my family comes before work. Being reminded of this helped me to decide that we should still go on our trip as planned.

As my life coach and I were talking, she said, “What would it be like if you left all of your work behind at home? What if you left all of the ‘rules’ of life behind for the weekend?” Wow! I loved that idea! I was sure if I put my energy into having a fun, “rule-free” weekend with Paul and the kids that I would be motivated to work hard the following week on my project.

So, as we started driving up to Orlando, I pulled out a piece of paper and pen and started talking to the kids about rules. I started on a really boring note, without telling them where I was going with the idea. I was asking them about what rules we have at home that they have to follow. They listed things like washing hands, brushing teeth, going to bed on time, etc.

Next, I told them my idea about leaving the rules behind this weekend and just having fun! They LOVED it, so we talked about which rules we could break. This wasn’t going to be a “no holds barred,” no rules at all weekend, but we wanted to try and let them break as many as possible. Here are a few examples:

At lunch that day, we decided not to enforce our limit on dessert – they each had a whole bag of the fun size M&M minis instead of half the bag (our normal rule). The smiles on their faces were HUGE!

We also broke the bedtime rule of 7 p.m. I think we got back to the hotel around 9:30. Very late for those two!

Then, Tyler decided he wanted to either not brush his teeth at all or brush them with his finger! Alyssa said she absolutely must brush her teeth. That was not something she wanted to give up! But in the end, neither of them ended up brushing them at all.

The next morning when we woke up, there was condensation all over the sliding glass doors in the hotel room – we let the kids draw in it, something we would usually not allow at home!

It’s pretty cool that something that started out as an internal struggle for me turned into a memorable experience for the whole family!