Enough About Me ... Let's Talk About You

One day this week as we were standing outside school getting ready to go home, an older student approached Tyler and started asking about the patch of gray hair on the back of his head. His questioning was loud, a bit rude and included many of his own opinions about why Tyler had gray hair and what was going to happen next with it. It was nothing like the people who have politely inquired about it.

He even crossed a personal boundary and touched Tyler's hair. I honestly don't think the kid was trying to be mean, in fact, I think he may have a minor learning disability that inhibits his social filter.

At bedtime last night I asked Tyler about this interaction and he said, "Oh yeah, that kid always does that."

"Really? You've never told me that before," I said, feeling shocked that he had never mentioned it. "Does it bother you?"

"Sort of," he said.

"What is his name?" I asked.

"I don't know," he replied.

At that point, I explained to Tyler my hunch that this child probably has a minor learning disability that inhibits his social filter, and that he was most likely not trying to make Tyler feel bad.

But disability aside, there are plenty of people in the world who operate without social filters, so I knew this was an important lesson for Tyler.

My take on situations like this is that we can't control what other people think, do or say. The only thing we can control is us -- what we think, do and say.

So I suggested to Tyler, "The next time he comes up to you and starts talking about that, just smile and say, 'Enough about me ... let's talk about you. My name is Tyler. What's your name?'"

Then I gave him some questions he could ask the kid about himself. Things like -- "How long have you gone to this school?""Who are you friends with?""What do you like to do for fun?"

The key to handling situations like this gracefully is to turn the conversation around. Try to get the attention off of Tyler and on to the other child. Tyler really grabbed on to this solution and we talked about it for several minutes.

Honestly, this issue is not about the gray patch of hair on Tyler's head. He is really OK with it. It's been there since he was four -- and it's on the back of his head, so he rarely sees it or thinks about it. The issue is about how to handle awkward social situations with grace.

After my talk with Tyler, I went downstairs to talk to Paul about it, and much to my surprise, he said, "Your solution was right on, according to Dale Carnegie."

Imagine that -- me, unknowingly quoting Dale Carnegie!

Paul just recently finished reading Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, so he explained to me Carnegie's 6 Ways to Make People Like You:

1. Become genuinely interested in other people
2. Smile
3. Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
5. Talk in the terms of the other man’s interest
6. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely

My advice to Tyler incorporated several of these items. I guess I was on to something without even knowing it! Common sense, maybe? Regardless, I thought I'd share with all of you in case it is a tool that can help you or your children! Happy Thursday!

“The Secrets of Being the Best Mom” FREE Teleclass

Are you struggling with the role of being a mother? Is it more difficult than you thought, but you’re afraid to admit it? Do you wish you could just learn how to relax, let go and trust that you are the “best” mom your kids could ever want?

Then, join me and fellow life coach Mir Lynne Pietrzyk for “The Secrets of Being the Best Mom, a FREE teleclass that will assist you on your journey to becoming the mother you want to be. 

Mark your calendar for Wednesday, April 25 from 11 a.m. to Noon CST (Noon to 1 p.m. EST) to hear Mir Lynne and I discuss the secrets all moms need to know about how to create the life and home they desire with their children.

The top 3 secrets you will take away from this teleclass are:

• How to enjoy and make memories out of every day 
• How to give your children the exact amount of TLC they need to thrive 
• How to get it all done and still have time and energy for YOU 

To register, visit http://bestmom.eventbrite.com/. The dial in information will be emailed to you after registration.

Tina Offers Life Coaching Program About Living Consciously

Tom Clare / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Sometimes we go through life ... well, just going. We are so busy that we don't stop to really think about what we are doing or if we are even happy.

We live as a slave to our "do-do" list, feeling constantly exhausted and like there is never enough time to get it all done.

If you're a mom who would like to take some time to slow down and evaluate your life and make sure you're living it to the fullest, join me for an 8-week group life coaching session that will help you learn to live life more consciously.

What Will be Covered? In the safety of a supportive environment, moms will learn tools and techniques for living life to the fullest every day by making conscious choices. You will pick one area of life to work on and make better – it can be health, finances, spirituality, relationships or career. You'll be amazed by how much you can change your life in only 8 weeks!

What are the Top 3 Benefits of a Group Coaching Program?
• You surround yourself with other women facing similar challenges.
• You learn new techniques for goal-setting, action planning, stress management and more.
• You gain motivation from the coach AND the group!

When is it? This program consists of 8 one-hour sessions – one per week, starting at 7 p.m. on Wednesday, April 18.

What is the Cost? Program cost is $20 to YMCA members, $40 for non-members. (Materials cost is $14 that will be paid to the instructor at the first class.)

How do I register? Call the Y at 847.296.3376

Where will it be held? Lattof YMCA Meeting Rooms

What do I Need to Bring? Physically, you will need a writing journal and a pen. Mentally, you will need an open mind. Emotionally, you will need the desire to make your life even better than it already is!

Story Cubes Make for Dinnertime Fun

There's always talk about making dinnertime "quality time" with family, and all families have their own ways of making that happen. Our family tried something new last night that was really fun.

We used Rory's Story Cubes to craft stories. Have you ever heard of them? It's a set of nine cubes that each have six pictures on them.

So, here's how it works.

We started with Tyler. He rolls his cube. It lands on a magic wand, so he starts the story, "Once upon a time, there was a magic wand..."

Then Alyssa rolls and adds to the story based on her picture of a castle tower, "which the princess, who lived in the tower, used to turn her eyes green..."

... and so on. It was so fun! The kids loved the chance to tell their part of the story in their own way, and I loved watching them be creative. We were all giggling and having a fun time! It was one of those great living in the moment moments!

How does your family make dinnertime special? Got any ideas to pass along?

The Scream of Terror

Since yesterday was a holiday, today was the first day of our week, but it didn't start off too well.

At precisely 6:30 a.m. the scream of a terrified Alyssa came curdling down the stairs into the kitchen -- the result of her new alarm clock that apparently scared the heck out of her! (Oops!)

A picture from a happier day!

As I was hugging her and calming her down, she said, "Mommy I feel weird."

"What kind of weird," I replied.

"Like I'm going to throw up," she said.

Oh geez! I rushed her to the bathroom to be near the toilet, and she stood there hunched over it for a minute or so. "Great, the stomach bug," I thought. But she never really threw up -- only phlegm came out. I was thinking we were lucky that her stomach was empty from the night before.

I noticed she was hot and sweaty. Suddenly burning up. White as a ghost.

She said she wanted to sit down for a minute, so she did, on the bathroom floor, when suddenly her eyes rolled back into her head and she fell over. OMG!! "What the heck is going on?"

At first she didn't respond to me calling her name, but then she did look up at me. It only lasted a second, but it seemed like an eternity.

We laid her down on the sofa and took her temperature, which was only 100.3. At that point, we decided to just let her rest. She slept for an hour.

When she woke up, said she wanted to watch TV and soon began requesting food and drink. I was surprised she wanted to eat so soon after that whole bathroom episode, so just to be safe, I held her off until the 2 hour mark to make sure her stomach had time to calm down.

That was thankfully the end of the drama. She slowly perked up throughout the day -- although she only got off the couch to go to the bathroom. It seems as though other cold symptoms are coming on now, so we'll see how this recovery goes! Hopefully quickly!

At this point the whole day feels like a blur. It certainly started off with a bang -- terror for her with the sound of an alarm clock and terror for me as she passed out (or whatever that was). Sheesh. Can we have a do-over on this day???

But even as I say that, I know I shouldn't, because there were many blessings in this day:

1. It is only a minor illness.
2. It gave me some valuable, restful time alone with Alyssa.
3. Tyler could take the bus to school, so I didn't have to leave the house with a sick child.
4. A friend offered to bring Tyler home from school for me (he doesn't ride the bus in the afternoons).
5. I didn't have anywhere I "had" to be today, so I could easily stay home to take care of her and not worry about anything else.
6. It's not the stomach bug!!!
7. I had time to do several loads of laundry!
8. I had several hours to sit on the sofa and get some work done on my new laptop!
9. My calves were killing me from yesterday's workout, so I had a convenient excuse to skip today's workout!
10. The gray, cloudy skies were very uninviting -- a great reason to stay inside and light some candles!

I could go on and on, but you get the point! Anyway, feel better Alyssa!!! Mommy loves you!

52 Things Kids Need From a Mom

I heard a great interview with author Angela Thomas this week about her book 52 Things Kids Need From a Mom. The purpose of the interview was to teach moms about being intentional in the lives of their kids.

The thing that struck me was how she illustrated the point that it is a mom's job to set the tone for the family on a daily basis.

For example, if one of our kids wakes up grumpy, we do not allow that to suck us in, get us frazzled and set a negative tone for the day. We must remain calm, cool and collected and point them in the direction of happiness. Yes, of course, we know this, but it is easier said than done.

In listening to this I realized that I often get sucked into the moods of my children, and I let it negatively affect me.

Angela reminds us that, as moms, we should be more spiritually and emotionally mature than our children.

She said the way she remembers this truth is by picturing herself standing on a step ladder above her children -- above their grumpiness.

This was a real revelation for me and gives me hope for some of the frustrations I feel in my parenting. I've already ordered this book and can't wait to learn more!

Calling All Moms! This Spring, Clean up Your Mind, Body and Soul with Group Life Coaching

Image: Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Spring is just around the corner. That means it’s time to wake from our slumber, shake off those winter blues and refresh and revive ourselves.

If you are ready to do some spring cleaning with your mind, body and soul, join Certified Master Life Coach Tina Haisman as she leads a group of moms on an 8-week journey into a season of living a more healthy and balanced life.

What Will be Covered? In the safety of a supportive environment, moms will learn tools and techniques for handling the many ups and downs of mothering young children and keeping their family happy and healthy. They will pick one area of life to work on and make better – it can be health, finances, spirituality, relationships or career. Moms will learn how to achieve their goals and become the mother and woman they want to be.

What are the Top 3 Benefits of a Group Coaching Program?
• You surround yourself with other women facing similar challenges.
• You learn new techniques for goal-setting, action planning, stress management and more.
• You gain motivation from the coach AND the group!

When is it? This program consists of 8 one-hour sessions – one per week, starting at 7 p.m. on Wednesday, Feb. 22

What is the Cost? Program cost is $20 to YMCA members, $40 for non-members. (Materials cost is $14 that will be paid to the instructor at the first class.)

How do I register? Call the Y at 847.296.3376

Where will it be held? Lattof YMCA Meeting Rooms

What do I Need to Bring? Physically, you will need a writing journal and a pen. Mentally, you will need an open mind. Emotionally, you will need the desire to make your life even better than it already is!

What do You Need to Hear to Believe an Apology is Sincere?

In November I wrote about my discovery of the book The Five Languages of Apology. Today I want to share a recent experience that illustrates how the languages work and how they can help you achieve more healing in the relationships in your life.

We had a play date at our house with a couple of Tyler and Alyssa's friends. One child came to me to tell me that another child said something that really hurt his feelings. The offender responded with, "I said I was sorry."

Image: Arvind Balaraman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

So, with my knowledge of the five languages of apology, I asked the offended child, "Your friend said he was sorry, but it seems like that is not enough to make you feel better. What do you need to hear?"

The offended child replied, "That he will never do it again."

Oh my gosh! Out of the mouths of babes comes this profound, but basic language! This language is straight out of the book -- and it was spoken by a nine-year-old who has never read the book. That's how spot on this concept is! I didn't need it, but I've got to say, this whole experience was further proof to me that this five languages of apology stuff really works!

What the offended child communicated was that he needed to hear the offending party genuinely repent for the offense. That is language number four according to the book. Genuinely repenting means saying, "I'll try not to do that again."

I asked the offender if he could make that promise, which he easily did ... and off they went!

I can't say enough about this concept. How many times has someone apologized to you, but the apology didn't make you feel better? If that was the case, it could be a simple language barrier. If we could all be more aware of these five languages of apology, we could be experiencing much more healing and joy in our lives on a daily basis!

Teaching Children About Setting Healthy Boundaries

It appears this is the week of teaching my children about setting healthy boundaries. So interesting.

As Tyler was packing his snack for school one morning he said, "I didn't have enough snack yesterday, I was still hungry afterward." To which I replied, "Tyler, I saw you pack your snack -- you put quite a bit in there. What happened?"

He said, "Everyone keeps asking if they can have some of my snack." Ahhhhh. My sweet, sharing son is giving away so much of his snack to his friends that he is left hungry. So, I said, "Well, Tyler what can we do about this?"

He suggested packing more food, to which I replied, "It is awesome that you are sharing, but when you share too much, there is not enough left for you, so we need to set some healthy boundaries here. What do you think of suggesting a trade when a friend asks for some of your snack?"

He thought that could work, but said sometimes they don't seem to have anything to trade, so he packed a little extra anyway. :)

After school that day, I asked how it went, and he said, "fine," and that he worked out trades instead of just giving it all away. Cool! Hopefully that one is solved! Although, I have no idea what he ate for a snack, now!

Then, there's Alyssa. She complained to me that sometimes when she has friends over, they don't respect her wishes not to play with certain toys that are very special to her. Specifically, she was speaking about a care bear she got from her great-grandma for Christmas. If you pull the bear's arm, it says, "I love you." She uses the bear at night to sleep with and desperately wants to save the batteries for when she is really scared and needs to hear, "I love you" from the bear. She won't even let me or Paul pull the bear's arm.

She said her friends still pull the arm -- even when she asks them not to. So, I asked her what we could do about that. She didn't really know what options could be, so I suggested a couple -- either for her to come to me when this problem arises in the future and that I would help her try to communicate her wishes, or for us to put the bear for a nap in another room where he could have some privacy.

Ideally, of course, Alyssa would handle this on her own by explaining just how special this bear is, and her friends would respect and honor that. But, she's only six and still learning to communicate, so I think I'm OK with intervening in a positive, teaching manner if the situation arises again. I'm not crazy about the idea of "hiding" the bear, because it takes away the opportunity for Alyssa to practice her boundary setting. Plus, I don't think we should have to hide items from our friends. This option may solve the problem temporarily, but not long-term.

So, this morning at breakfast we had a little talk about healthy boundaries. They both looked at me like I was crazy. Healthy boundaries? Those words are not exactly in the vocabulary of kindergarten or third graders. Heck, most adults have trouble setting healthy boundaries!

In Tyler's case, I thought it was important to teach him that sharing his snack is a nice thing to do, but if he shares too much, he is left with not enough. I certainly don't want to tell him not to share -- that doesn't send the right message! So, I tried to teach him to look for other alternatives to solving the problem.

In Alyssa's case, she really needs to learn how to stand up for herself. I can see it, and I know where she gets it from. It is something I have been working on for quite a while now!

So, although these challenging parenting situations were presented to me this week, I am grateful for the opportunity they provided for me to talk to Tyler and Alyssa about important issues that will serve them well for the rest of their lives!

The New Thank You Card Tradition?

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This has happened to us twice now. The first time, I just thought, "curious." But the second time, it lit a fire inside me, so I thought I'd blog about it and see what other people think.

Twice now, we have attended a kids birthday party and left the party with a pre-written thank you note in hand. The note says something like, "thank you for coming to my birthday party." It has, obviously, no mention of a gift, because it was written before the party -- before they knew what gift they received. Before they could even tell us why they enjoyed the gift or how much they enjoyed the gift.

I just have to say I hope this is not a new tradition. I think there is a huge amount of value in teaching children it is important to sincerely say "thank you" when you receive a gift.

The reason we have a birthday party is to celebrate another year of life, which is truly something to be grateful for. We give gifts to each other to show our love for each other. I think those gifts deserve thank you's.

I know times are changing and people are busier than ever before, but I think we still need to be teaching our children the value and importance of properly thanking people for their generosity. What do you think? Please post your comments below.

The Experiences Kids Give Us Make Life So Rich

Zach, the praying mantis!

Over the Christmas break, we drove to Nashville to visit family. Before the trip the discussions began about what to do about our pet Zach -- Tyler's praying mantis. He found him at school a few months ago and has been taking care of him ever since.

We considered leaving Zach with a friend, but Tyler was having a hard time with this. He was also worried about how Zach would do on a nine-hour drive in the cold.

Mostly, it turned out, Tyler did not want to leave Zach behind. So, the day before the trip, he called his Aunt Laura to ask if it would be OK to bring Zach with us to her house. Luckily for Tyler, she said yes.

So, off went the Haisman family with a praying mantis in tow on a nine-hour drive to Nashville. I found myself enjoying the oddity of the experience a couple of times during the trip as we snuck him into a restaurant and our hotel.

The craziest part was the morning we were leaving our hotel to finish our trip to Nashville. Tyler noticed Zach (or shall we say Zacherella) was laying an egg sack. That was quite a surprise, considering we thought she was a he. All four of us were jubilant over it, though! How exciting and unexpected! And the timing -- while on a road trip -- incredible!

We hated to disrupt this maternal moment, but we also wanted to get on the road. So, we very gently put the praying mantis cage in a re-usable shopping bag and carried it carefully down the elevator and past the front desk in the lobby -- hoping not to disrupt the egg-laying process. I was the lucky one who got to carry the cage.

As we were leaving the hotel, Tyler sent Aunt Laura a text message to see if there would be room for about 400 more praying mantises. I was trying to be so delicate with Zacherella, when Laura responded back with a message that had me laughing so hard it freaked Tyler out. She made a hilarious reference to the baby cow we saw being born at a farm during last year's Nashville trip. (I guess our family has a knack for finding themselves in these amazing moments only Mother Nature could provide!)

While it was funny to me, Tyler about died as he saw me laughing so hard while holding the poor praying mantis who was trying to lay her eggs. He kept trying to take the cage away from me, but I wouldn't let him for fear it would end up in the cage lying on the ground!

Anyway, it all worked out. Zacherella is fine. The egg sack is in the garage in the cold to preserve it for spring. We have no idea what to expect with that -- if anything at all.

But, I just had to laugh as I thought about how rich this experience was for our entire family. Kids add so much fun and spice to life. Before having children, I never would have imagined sneaking a praying mantis into a restaurant or hotel -- or even having one for a pet for that matter. Fun times! I just love my kids!

Do you ever have such a productive day or evening that you end up feeling energized at the end of it instead of exhausted?

I had one of those nights last night. We spent the day with family, so I felt fulfilled in that sense. But when my "me time" arrived, around 8 p.m., I felt no energy.

Image: 89studio / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I was so disappointed, because I was really looking forward to being productive. I almost gave up and sat down to veg out on the sofa, but instead I drank a glass of water and decided to just do ONE thing.

After I did that, I felt energy, so I kept on going. They were all little, mindless things -- I had to mend a couple of items, reprint a Christmas card label that was wrong, put away some clothes, go through my email, get organized with the school papers for today, etc...I was shocked at how much I got done after I started my evening thinking I had no energy.

While I was mending, I listened to a Focus on the Family episode, which gave me the feeling of accomplishing two things at once! It happened to be a humorous topic, so that made it more enjoyable!

What surprised me most was how great I felt when I got into bed. Instead of feeling exhausted, I felt fulfilled. I had crossed several things off my to-do list and even nourished my soul with the Focus on the Family episode. Awesome!

That was a great lesson to remind me to:
1. Drink more water! and
2. Just try to do ONE thing when I think I can't do anything!

How do you make it through when you feel no energy?

It's the simple things in life

This morning, Alyssa surprised us by coming downstairs from her room all dressed and ready to go to school. Oh. My. Gosh! What a surprise! What joy! Wow!

She was joyful, too!

I asked her how this happened. She said she heard Tyler getting ready, so she decided to get up and sneak him into her bedroom so he could help her get dressed.

Oh my gosh! I'm grinning from ear-to-ear. What a great start to my day.

Our usual mornings consist of me waking her up at 6:30. Bringing her downstairs. Serving her breakfast. Reminding her to take a bite every minute or so. Accompanying her back upstairs to get dressed and brush her teeth and hair. And constantly reminding her to stay on track. It's very annoying and labor intensive for me.

So, this morning, I celebrate! Yeahhhhhh! (And overlook the fact that she forgot to make her bed.) LOL!

Where have I been?

Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Where have I been for the past couple of weeks? Why haven't I posted any new blogs? Well, three weeks ago, I took on a project that apparently created a whole lot of stress in my life.

What's funny is that this project wasn't big. In fact, it was quite small. I thought I would just fit it in, and everything would be fine. I was excited to do a good job with it. I think the project itself went fine, but I've had a rough couple of weeks and have found myself not feeling as happy and excited about life as usual.

This morning while I was journaling about it, I realized I have been in a great, big learning experience.

Here's what I discovered by taking just a few minutes to sit down and reflect:

This was a test from the Divine Broadcast System. I think this was a test to see if I am really wanting to go forward with how God wants me to use my gifts, or if I will fall into old, "comfortable" habits. I feel like by accepting the project, I failed the test, but I understand I had to receive this experience to know better. The project seemed to be a good fit, but it wasn't, and I knew that deep down from the start. I should have said, "No, thank you."

Mental stress causes physical stress. It has been scientifically proven that mental stress causes physical dis-ease. The day after I accepted the project, I hurt my neck and had to go to the chiropractor. She sent me for x-rays and found I have an injury in my cervical spine, most likely from a car accident 20 years ago, that never healed properly. Although my recovery will be an uphill trek, I am grateful this problem was caught now, instead of later. Can you say blessing in disguise?

Stress is draining. Over the past three weeks, I have felt exhausted, stressed, tired, overwhelmed, forgetful, and less than present in my moments. I have found it more difficult to connect with the important people in my life. It's not that I didn't experience any joy during this time, it was just more difficult to manifest with the stress of a new project, the energy my body needed to begin to heal my neck, and the multitude of other obligations I had going on at the time.

Taking on projects outside my passion keeps me from doing what I love best. Over the past few weeks, I have not had the time or energy to devote to writing my blog or updating my Facebook status to motivate my life coaching clients. These are activities I look forward to and that feed my soul.

I believe in making the most out of every day -- and every experience. Now that I am through it, I see this experience for what it was worth and I am grateful and ready to move on!

Do you know how to apologize?

I am so excited! I heard a FANTASTIC radio segment on Focus on the Family this week. It was about the book, The Five Languages of Apology, by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Jennifer Thomas.

Image: nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Before this week, I thought forgiveness was simply about saying "I'm sorry," and being forgiven, but it turns out there are five different ways to say "I'm sorry." The amazing thing about this is that if someone offers you an apology that omits your apology language, you won't fully accept it or even recognize it as an apology.

The five languages of apology are:
1. Expressing regret -- saying, "I'm sorry for the hurt I caused."
2. Accepting responsibility -- saying, "I was wrong."
3. Making restitution -- asking, "What can I do to make things right?"
4. Genuinely repenting -- saying, "I will try not to do it again."
5. Requesting forgiveness -- asking, "Will you please forgive me?"

Some people just need to hear you are sorry, while others need you to ask for forgiveness. If you've really done something wrong, you might need to use all five languages in your apology.

Apologizing is one of the most important tools for building and maintaining relationships in life. I think this is one of those books everyone should read. Can you imagine a world where every human being knows how to properly apologize for hurting others?

If you're interested, check out the online quiz to find out your apology language. The quiz itself is very interesting.

You can also learn more by reading the book, The Five Languages of Apology. I ordered my copy today, and I can't wait to delve into it more!

I should be on the cover of a magazine

I realized this morning I should be on the cover of a magazine -- the cover story for why moms need to take care of themselves.

Image: sixninepixels / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have been ignoring some issues in my back and neck for a couple of months now -- knowing I needed to get to a chiropractor to be seen. But I put it off for all of the same reasons moms put off taking care of themselves. Unfortunately, I put it off long enough to let it literally snap me into crisis mode yesterday.

I made one quick move at 5:30 in the morning -- that my body was not awake enough to compensate for -- and wham. Instant pain. Pain that causes eyes to well up with tears and stomachs to turn over. Pain that causes a mom to think, "How am I going to take care of my kids today?"

As a result of putting off something that should have been looked into ages ago, I spent the better part of the day at the chiropractor's office and getting x-rays. Not to mention in pain. I feel like a lost an entire day. If only I would have taken care of this sooner.

So, as I sit here writing this with an ice pack on my neck, I'm still thinking on the positive side. Although painful, this experience has been a great learning lesson for me. I need to take care of myself. No matter what else is going on. When I know something is amiss, I will do myself and my family a great deal of good to have it taken care of right away. I hope you will do the same!

My musings about the use of animals for entertainment in the circus

Yesterday I went on a field trip to the circus with Alyssa's class. I was not very excited about going, honestly.

Somewhere along the line of my life I have lost my fondness for the circus, so yesterday I decided to pay attention to why that might be. I don't mean to bash the circus, only to share my thoughts.

First of all, I just don't get the point of a circus. Obviously entertainment, but it's not that entertaining for me. What I really discovered is that I don't like the animal "performances."

The tigers looked fat and unfit. And they appeared terrified of the trainer. They kept hissing at him too. It was very weird and uncomfortable. I felt bad for them.

Then they brought out two different types of horses and several zebras. They were beautiful. I can sort of see why horses...they're pretty domesticated...but zebras? I think they belong in the wild.

Then the elephants. I am amazed by elephants, but it pained me to watch them be paraded around and forced to perform tricks like standing on their heads. I especially cringed when they made them lay down...that appears to take a lot of effort for an elephant.

So why do I feel this way? Am I being too analytical? Am I having trouble shutting off my adult mind? Do I need to try to look at the circus through the eyes of a child? I don't exactly know.

I do know this. I have a huge appreciation for nature and God's creatures. I love marveling at them in the wild -- their natural setting. That's amazing enough for me. I'm just not sure we should be forcing them to do tricks for our entertainment.

Airing my dirty laundry publicly

As many moms do, I struggle with how to get everything done, but I've had a recent epiphany that is making my life easier and more enjoyable, so I wanted to share.

For the record, I realize it's highly possible I'm the last one to jump on board this train, but just in case I'm not, I wanted to share with you.

I'm 3 weeks into doing a load of laundry every day instead of waiting until Sunday to do it all, and I'm liking it! It's working!

Why on earth was I waiting until Sunday to do all of the laundry? Well, for starters, I didn't like doing laundry, so I didn't want to do it any more often than necessary. Plus, I am a "check it off the list" kind of a girl, and I thought if I did all of the laundry on one day, then I could check it off my list, and it was done for the week.

But that left drudgery to look forward to every Sunday -- not only was the weekend ending, but now I had 7 large loads of laundry to wash, dry, fold and put away in one night. Sometimes it rolled over into Monday morning, which I really hated.

So, why the switch? Well, I have some friends who do laundry this way, and I recently read about it as a tip in Darla Shine's Happy Housewives book.

What I have discovered is that by doing one load each day I can still satisfy my need to check something off the list. One load of laundry each day. Check. Done! As an added bonus, each load is smaller since I'm doing it more frequently. Yippee!

The only negative thing I have noticed is that it's more difficult to complete on the days I am not working from home. But when that has happened, I just did two loads the next day. No big deal.

I'm so excited about this change and how it's making my life easier. Even though I have added one more item to my daily to-do list, I actually feel more productive because of it!

So, there you have it. Now the whole world knows about my dirty laundry!

Do moms feel like they lose themselves by design?

A few days ago I wrote about an amazing moms retreat I attended. Today I want to expand on one of the topics we discussed, because I think it's important for all moms to think about.

Me and my kiddos on a lunch date!

The discussion was about how we as moms lose ourselves after having children. You don't really realize it is happening, it just seems to be a slow death of the woman you once were before having children. Then you wake up one day and look in the mirror and have no idea who you are looking at.

In some respects, that is good, because once you have children, you will never be the same woman.

But it's painful to feel like we lose touch with our true selves. That we forget what we like to do in our "free" time. Or as we moms like to call it, our "me" time.

As moms we crave this "me" time, but when we suddenly get it, we don't even know what to do with it. Plus, we feel guilty about taking it.

In the earlier days of having small children, I can remember wasting at least half of my "me" time just trying to figure out what to do. That was so frustrating.

When we talk about this as moms, it is as if we have done something wrong. That we have let ourselves go by not paying attention. While on some level this may be true, I would like to think about it more positively.

Maybe this "low" of motherhood is really a high. Maybe it's part of "growing up" -- a natural progression of life. Maybe through losing ourselves we are actually finding ourselves. Maybe this loss is something we all have to go through so we can become more aware of who we really are ... and what our gifts are ... and why we are here.

It can be all of that if we want it to be. I think the important point in this conversation is that once you wake up and realize you have lost yourself, it's time to start taking action to reconnect with yourself. That woman is still there, you just need to spend some time rediscovering her.

I believe the experience of motherhood is shaping me into the woman I want to be. I believe that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. I trust in the process and know that everything will turn out as it should. I hope the same for you!

Are you your spouse's friend?

Image: Photostock/Freedigitalphotos.net

I overheard a conversation at the park between a man and a woman this week that got me thinking.

They were acquaintances -- from what I could tell -- and they were being so nice to each other. Like trying really hard to be helpful and provide information about kids and parenting and the like. They were seriously trying to be nice -- on their best behavior -- like when you are making a new friend.

Their interaction made me think about marriage and what happens over time. How people stop trying so hard to be nice and helpful and thoughtful. How sometimes couples stop being "friends" and turn into roommates.

I thought about how amazing that conversation would have been if that couple was married. If they always spoke to each other like that. And if they always went out of their way to be nice to each other -- like they do when they are making a new friend.

I think a whole lot of marriages could be better off if people treated their spouses as good as they treat people they are meeting for the first time. This is definitely something Paul and I have worked on in our marriage, and I can tell you it makes a big difference!

How's that for food for thought? I think it's a good chance to look at how we are behaving in our marriages. I'd love to hear feedback on this topic!