Judgment Separates Us. Understanding Grows Us Closer Together.

© Can Stock Photo Inc. / kavita

I love this quote about judgment from Doe Zantamata:

"It's easy to judge. It's more difficult to understand. Understanding requires compassion, patience, and a willingness to believe that good hearts sometimes choose poor methods. Through judging, we separate. Through understanding, we grow."

The Butterfly and How Struggle Makes Us Stronger

© Can Stock Photo Inc. / ryanking999

I heard a great story yesterday that I would like to share with you ...

One day a woman found the chrysalis of a butterfly. A few days later, a small opening appeared that indicated the butterfly was going to start emerging from it. The woman was excited, so she sat down to watch.

After several hours, she noticed the butterfly was really struggling to force its body through the little hole. Then it seemed to stop trying all together. It appeared as if the butterfly had gotten as far as it could on its own.

So the woman decided to help the butterfly by snipping the chrysalis open. The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The woman continued to watch the butterfly because she expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and the body would contract and the butterfly would fly! But neither happened. The butterfly could not fly with a swollen body and shriveled wings.

What the woman did not understand in her effort to help the butterfly is that the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening is God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so it can fly. The butterfly needs the struggle in order to be set free.

This is something to remember when we go through struggles in our lives. If we will let him, God will use the struggle to make us stronger and more beautiful.

The same goes for our loved ones. Sometimes when we see other people struggle we think, “Oh that poor little butterfly,” and we naturally want to help. However, if we step in during that struggle and try to fix it for them, we interfere with God’s process. It is during the struggle when the butterfly becomes strong and more beautiful and ready to fly!

Be Who You Want to be With

Almost all of my clients come to me at one time or another and tell me they wish their spouse behaved different in some way... I wish my spouse was more helpful around the house. I wish my spouse would help more with the kids. I wish my spouse would plan some dates. I wish my spouse would help with the laundry. You get the picture ...

© Can Stock Photo Inc. / michaeljung

One thing we know about people is that we can't change them. We can only change ourselves.

So, what should you do when you find yourself wishing your spouse would behave differently? The short answer is behave differently yourself. "Be who you want to be with."

This is an energetic response. By changing your behavior, you will invite the same from your spouse. 

For instance, if you wish your husband would help you more around the house, you might find a way to help him more. Take a few moments and think of how you could be of service to him today. Maybe even ask him, "Honey, is there anything I can do to help you today?"

Some of you are freaking out right now reading this ... because there is no way you possibly have time to help him more. Trust me on this. He will notice what you have done for him, and that will inspire him to be of more help to you. 

Nobel Peace Prize winner Aung San Suu Kyi said, "When you're feeling helpless, help someone." Let your desire to be of service to your spouse invite him into being of service to you.

I dare you to try this at home!

No Relationship is all Sunshine...

© Can Stock Photo Inc. / Massonforstock

"No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm
together."

Love this perspective!

We Can Create What We Want In Life

"We create our lives with our thoughts, beliefs and expectations. We create by repeating the behavior patterns that feel comfortable and familiar, whether or not they are productive. We create by conscious choice -- focused activity that moves us toward exactly what we want. We create by unconscious choice -- activity without focus and intent." Iyanla Vanzant

© Can Stock Photo Inc. / tolokonov

What is it you wish to create in your life? More love? More peace? More joy?

Take one action step today in that direction. 

Here's a little hint -- you get what you give. 

So, if you would like to receive more love, the key is to give more love. 

If you would like to feel more peaceful, you could try to bring peace into a stressful situation.

If you are seeking more joy, perhaps you could create a joyful moment for another today.

All of these things will bring the same quality back to you.

Is the First to Forgive Really the Strongest?

Recently I saw a quote on Facebook that I immediately replied "Amen!" to. But, since then I've been thinking about it more deeply, and I'm not so sure about it, based on the "true stories" I have experienced in my life.

I agree with the obvious gist -- forgive, forget and apologize. Yes! Of course! We should all be working on these things, but I emphasize "working," because forgiveness is a process, not something that can be flipped on by a switch.

There is nothing wrong with taking time to process hurt feelings before offering apologies or forgiveness, and taking this time does not make you any less strong than the person who apologized or forgave first. What is most important is that you are working on it. Forgiveness is one of the most important life lessons we have to learn.

I believe people who take time to get their inner emotional house in order before handling conflict are very strong people, because they are waiting to address the situation until they know they are in the right place to handle it. Sometimes handling things before you are ready only creates more chaos.

Having said that though, I do want to point out it is important we actually do work on any forgiveness issues we have, because carrying unforgiveness in our hearts is toxic to ourselves and those around us.

As far as "forgetting," that's only for the little things -- maybe pesky little arguments -- but the big things are never forgotten. They are left behind as battle wounds that influence how we view and handle almost everything in our lives. Those experiences are part of what make us who we are.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't think it should be a race to see who can be the first to apologize, forgive or forget so we can have the title of being the bravest, strongest or happiest. Yes, we should all be working toward forgiveness, but we don't need to pressure ourselves or allow others to pressure us to handle situations before we are ready.

Perhaps the best choice we can make when we find ourselves in a situation that requires apologies or forgiveness would be to apply the virtues of grace, kindness, mercy and compassion -- toward ourselves and the other person.

The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in mercy. Psalm 145:8

Starting the New Year Out on a Good Note with Love Letters to our Family

It was so sweet. About a week before Christmas my daughter announced she would like our family to go to reconciliation to "prepare our hearts for Jesus." To be totally honest, we are not regular reconciliation goers, so this thought made me a bit uncomfortable.

© Can Stock Photo Inc. / SSilver

But, knowing she was right, we honored her request, and I am so glad we did! It was a great bonding experience for us as a family, plus, we had lots of laughs talking about it afterward!

The real gift came through Paul and I individually serving our penance.  We were each told to write a letter to our family affirming each person for their gifts and expressing our gratitude for them. We were asked to complete our letters by the start of the new year, because it would be a positive way to start the new year off.

For me, writing the letters was a wonderful way to slow down and appreciate my children and husband.

Sharing the letters was priceless. On New Year's Eve, we all gathered together to read our letters out loud. It felt joyful to see the reactions of everyone as wonderful things were being said about them. I'm thinking this should be an annual tradition -- only next year I will have the children writing, as well!

Happy New Year!

To Those Who Have Hurt You: Send Them Love

In life we all have experiences where we are hurt by others. Sometimes the hurt is so deep we no longer have "active" relationships with those people.

I put the word active in quotations, because you are still energetically connected to people from your past.

Sometimes it is hard to let go of those people. You may still feel love for them, or you may harbor feelings of anger, betrayal or sadness for the things that went on during your relationship. It is not healthy to hang onto these negative feelings. Soul-level healing is needed.

Today I'd like to teach you a technique to help heal your heart. It's a type of a meditation.

We will ask Archangel Michael to intercede for us. Archangel Michael is the protector of God's light and love. When you call on him, he will help you clear your energy field of old hurts and past experiences that are weighing you down.

© Can Stock Photo Inc. / photosoup

Michael always performs his duties with love and can help you consciously send love to those people and things in your past so that you may release them into the Light and move forward with your life.

The process would look something like this:

Find a comfortable, quiet space to relax.

Close your eyes, take three deep breaths to release anything negative in your body.

Bring yourself in the presence of God. Feel His peace surround you.

Now, call on Archangel Michael. See him in your mind's eye. Notice his magnificence and beauty. Say, "Archangel Michael, I am asking for your help with a gentle release of _______ (insert name).

Now, see your higher self (your God self) and the other person's higher self standing face to face in front of you. Don't say anything at first. Just look. Feel with your heart. Breathe. Be calm. Feel peace between you. There is only love here. It is safe. You may wish to see Archangel Michael standing with you both with his loving wings outstretched around you.

When you are ready, tell that person you love them. Mean it. Feel it. Feel the love going from your heart to theirs. Actually see the love transferring between you. Breathe. Feel calm. Spend as much time with this as you like, just sitting in this peace and love.

*Please note, this is not a time to get lost in the story about what happened or any negativity. You can vent your anger and frustration in your journal. Reserve this time for love and peace. If your mind wanders, simply center yourself again and bring your focus back to love.

Then say, "Thank you for being in my life and for the spiritual lessons you have taught me. I now release you with love." Breathe for a moment and savor this peaceful feeling. You can give a little thank you to Archangel Michael, too.

When you are ready, slowly come back into awareness, and know that you can bring this peace with you as you go about your day.

Do this process as often as you need to. It is a process. Not a light switch for sure -- but it will certainly bring you much peace and serenity.

You Will See it When You Believe it

How's this for a little inspiration today? You've gotta believe!! Then you will see!

Marriage is What You Make of It

Marriage is what you make of it. It is a choice. I made a word cloud this morning while I was reflecting on what marriage means. Enjoy!

You Teach People How to Treat You

I was reminded of this wise quote today. Had to share. 

It is Better to be a Lion for a Day, than a Sheep all your Life

Came across this quote today and decided to do some research on the lion in my Animal Speak book. What I found surprised me and convinced me to place the quote with a female lion instead of a male lion.

I really wanted to use a picture of the male lion, because they are so stunning, but it is the female lion that really deserves to be in the spotlight.

The lion is symbolic of the assertion of feminine energies and of the female sun.

It is a symbol of the sun and gold. Lions usually live in groups called prides, which signifies communities in our world.

Within the pride, the females are the best hunters and they do most of the hunting and rearing of the cubs. They work together cooperatively to do so. The cubs are lavished with affection and their parents are patient.

The males do very little work in the prides and are said to be jealous of the lionesses. But they do protect the pride against predators. When hunting they use their roar to scare prey toward the lionesses.

The lion does not fight for the sake of fighting. It avoids confrontation.

The lion symbolizes an opportunity to awaken to a new sun. Trust your feminine energies -- creativity, intuition and imagination. Don't be afraid to roar if you feel threatened or intruded upon.

The lion has shown up for me recently, so I am taking in these messages to see how they apply to my current life situations. It's got me singing a little Katy Perry, "You're gonna hear me roar!"

Whatever you do, do it with Love

Women are Amazing

Women deserve to be treated royally every day! As a husband, I hope you will do your best to treasure your bride. As a woman, I hope you will always remember how amazing you are and that you deserve the best of everything in life!

People Who are Acting Out are Really Just Looking for Love

Whether it is your child, your spouse, a family member, a stranger or a friend ... when someone is acting out, they are really asking for love.

They are acting out because they are feeling fear and rejection -- though they may not consciously realize it.

I think many of us know this, but it takes great wisdom and discipline to respond to these situations with love instead of our own defensiveness.

Here's a quick 3 step plan to handle sticky situations:
1. Slow down and think before you react to someone acting out.
2. Remember the ultimate reason this person is acting up is because they feel unloved.
3. Based on this knowledge and the circumstances, ask yourself what the remedy for the situation is. How can you show them love and mercy in this situation?

Happily Ever After is not a Fairy Tale

Happily ever after is not a fairy tale! The fairy tale is that it takes no work to be happily ever after. Happily ever after is a choice!

Marriage is a Verb

Something to remember as we treasure our marriages. True love does not begin until after the "in-love" euphoria fades away. In my book, marriage is a verb.

Forgive When You Do Not Receive an Apology

Sometimes we will never receive an apology we may be waiting for. By holding the energy of "waiting" for the apology, we are hurting ourselves by giving our power to the person who hurt us. Decide today to accept the apology you never received. You will feel the freedom and regain your power.

The Only Way to Make Progress is to Stick Your Neck Out

Hee! Hee! Love this little guy ... and the message he brings. In order to get anywhere in life, whether it is in relationships, career, health or finances, we've got to stick our neck out. Be brave! Stick your neck out today and see what happens!

How to Develop Courage

Isn't this the truth? Honestly, sometimes I wish it did not have to be this way, but it is this way for everything in life. Once you go "through" something difficult, you come out stronger and wiser on the other end. That is growth and something to be grateful for. If everything was happy and easy all the time, we wouldn't learn anything.