Did We Meet Our April Abundance Goal?

I must apologize for waiting so long to update on my family's adventure of finding $1,500 in April! Are you wondering if we achieved our goal? Yes, we did! We even beat it by $244! Our total money found was $1,744!

In case you missed it, we set out to "find" an extra $1,500 in April! The money could be found via income or significant savings. Our motivation was to experience the feeling of financial abundance, because we believe our thoughts create our life.

Simply thinking positively about what you want and being aware of when it comes into your life can make all the difference in the world.

Here are a few of the ways we "found" more than $1,500:

• A few "just because I love you" cash gifts from my mom and dad (That's just the way they are -- and they had no idea of our plan!)
• A trade on new lawn equipment -- Paul will do computer work to earn it!
• An amazing deal on our Disney trip that got us a free rental car!
• Two huge prescription coupons that cut our out-of-pocket cost in half!
• Three amazing Groupons worth nearly $200!

There's more, but these are the biggies!

I believe everyone can attract whatever they want into their life -- whether it's money, friends, romance, health, increased spirituality or increased happiness! It all starts in your mind!

Give it a try! You have NOTHING to lose!

How Alyssa's Preschool Gave me a Helpful Life Experience With Alyssa

Just wanted to share an interesting experience I am going through with Alyssa. There seemed to be some issues going on in her preschool class that ended up with Alyssa having hurt feelings and crying quite often. One morning on the way to school, Alyssa said through tears, "I want move back to Florida so I can have my Florida friends back, because these friends are too hard."

Oh my goodness. That broke my heart.

The teacher and I talked about this issue and were working on it, when one day she suddenly put all of the puzzle pieces together. She said some of the the other children in class may be experiencing jealousy toward Alyssa, because her mom has been volunteering in the classroom.This created an interesting dynamic.

Here's one example of what was happening: When I arrived at school to volunteer, the whole class would come running over to hug me, nearly knocking me down. Alyssa used to be a part of that big hug. She seemed proud to have her mom at school.

But as the year went on, I noticed she would not come hug me -- she would go off by herself. I wondered why. It seemed like she looked sad, too...but why would that be? Her mom was at school -- wouldn't that make her happy?

The teacher suggested I take a break from volunteering in the classroom to see if it worked better for Alyssa.

At first, I felt bad and sad about it, but after I had time to process the situation and talk with my life coach, I realized this was definitely the best thing. My life coach helped me to see what was happening energetically.

She said if you take out of your mind who the people are and just describe the situation you will see what is happening more clearly. So, in our case, a source of love (a parent) walks into a classroom of four and five-year-olds who have been away from their parents all day. The children are thirsty for love, so they run to the source of the love for a hug. This makes the child of the source of love feel abandoned, because she think there is no room for her with the source of love, so she goes off by herself, feeling bad.

My life coach also reminded me of something I didn't think I'd see until Alyssa was a teenager -- there tends to be an inherent feeling of competition between mothers and daughters. Well, regardless what her age is, the feeling of competition with her mother is not something I wish for my daughter to experience at all. So, I knew it was time to talk to Alyssa immediately.

Here's how our conversation went:

Me: Alyssa, how does it make you feel when mommy gets to school and all of the other kids come running up to me and give me a hug?

Alyssa: Sad.

Me: Sad? Why?

Alyssa: Because I think they like you more than me.

Oh my gosh. How sad to think that she thought that. And how amazing that a five-year-old could put that into words so simply.

I am grateful I took the time to talk with her teacher and my life coach, because it prepared me for that conversation with her.

I explained to her that her friends love her very much, and that even though they run to her mom for a hug at school, it's only because they wish they were hugging their mom instead.

I told her how much I love her and that there will always be enough love in my heart for her and her freinds, too! We ended the conversation with a big hug and a giggle as she started to get emotional and instructed me that we could stop talking about it now. OMG!

How would life be different if ...

How would life be different if you knew you are exactly where you are supposed to be? Whether you are currently living in the best time of your life or the most difficult time of your life ... whether you are happily cruising through life or dragging and feeling stuck in life.

Wouldn't you be able to handle the experience more peacefully if you knew you were supposed to be living it?

How would that change your attitude? Would it change any of your behaviors? Would you be able to accept it?

All of our experiences in life are designed to raise our consciousness and take us to the next level of living. If we can recognize that and accept it; it will be much easier to see the lessons we are supposed to be learning. There are always lessons. :)

What about this poor little doggie in the tree. Imagine what on earth he did to get stuck like that. Was he chasing a squirrel? How does he feel now that he is stuck? Frustrated? Scared? Lonely? Annoyed? Hungry? Does he like to be stuck? Does he want to feel this way again? No, of course not!

So, now that the doggie has taken an inventory of how it felt to be stuck, the next time the squirrel comes around tormenting him he will remember not to chase the squirrel up the two trees that are super close together.

You see, getting stuck served him. He learned a lesson. Who knows what harm that lesson will protect him from in the future.

Although you might not find yourself in the exact same predicament as this dog, you too can learn from every experience in your life. Are you frustrated in your marriage? Having trouble at work? Tired of family bickering? Struggling with finances? Sick and tired of being sick and tired?

If so, stop for a moment the next time you feel the frustration and see if you can figure out what you can learn from the situation. What can you do differently to get a different result?

Only when we slow down to examine our situation can we begin to see the necessary steps to get where we want to be!

The Art of Patience

Our family has been gifted with the experience of patience during the last eight months while we had our Florida house up for sale.

I thought I'd write a little bit about our experience, because I find patience to be an interesting topic.

I believe there is more than one type of patience -- there is the active kind and the non-active kind -- and it all starts in the mind. For example, while our Florida house was on the market, I never used the words "Waiting for our house to sell." Why? Because the word "waiting" is passive. Instead I chose to say, "While we sell our Florida home" -- a more active tone.

Having patience is hugely important in life, but it does not mean you do nothing.

While our Florida home was on the market, Paul and I adopted the attitude that our Florida home would sell when our Illinois home was ready for us. We trusted the process. We believed in God's plan and we knew he would put us where he wanted us to be.

Even so, this did not mean we would do nothing during the time our home was on the market. We became active participants in the selling process. We kept in touch with our real estate agent with weekly phone calls, we kept up on market conditions and pricing, we constantly brainstormed and tried new ideas to get attention for the home, and we started, updated and marketed a blog about the house. We did not sit around "waiting" for the sale.

The view from the Master Bdrm.

In addition to the work we did marketing our home, we also consciously worked to enjoy life as it was. You can find evidence of that scattered throughout the pages of this blog. The reason for that is because if you sit in life "waiting" for the next thing, you will be missing out on the life going on around you. And you will miss out on the lessons and gifts that come out of every experience in life -- even the difficult or stressful ones.

Having said that, I must admit the biggest test of our patience came during the closing process of the home sale, and it nearly sent us over the edge. We had to work very hard to remind ourselves that everything would work out. Keeping sane was a big job during that time. We are so grateful to our friends and family who helped to remind us ... "This too shall pass!"

... And, yes, it has passed! Our Florida home is now being taken care of by new owners, and we are super excited to move into our new home! I want to say, "I can't wait!" But I know better! :)

Beyond Frustration

This is our new home that we are excited to move into!

It's been a while since I've written. I've been thinking about what to write, but not sure about what to write. Meanwhile, I've been experiencing some very frustrating and stressful times. So, I thought I'd just write to get it out of my head and share with others in case it is helpful to you somehow.

The closing on our Florida home was scheduled for Jan. 14. About a week before, the bank for our buyers requested a one week extension. Fine. Honestly -- we questioned the Jan. 14th date from the start, but were assured by both our agent and the buyers' agent that it would be fine.

So, the closing was re-scheduled for Jan 21. Our attorney and title company had everything ready to go and were only waiting on the buyers' bank to send the loan packet. The entire day of Jan. 21 went by without any acknowledgement from the bank. Our attorney called. Our agent called. The buyers' agent called. Our attorney emailed. Our agent emailed. The buyers' agent emailed. No response all day long.

Finally, at the end of the day on Friday, we heard back from the bank and they said they were sorry for the inconvenience and that we would close on Monday. That they would reassign the loan to a local Fort Myers-based mortgage person and that we would have the loan packet first thing Monday morning. As frustrated as we were, we decided to give them another chance.

So, first thing Monday morning came ... and went. No loan packet. The loan was not reassigned. Again -- an entire day of calls and emails to the bank with no response until the end of the day. We began to question how long they were going to drag this out. They had 46 days to work on the packet, and it was as if not a single thing had been done yet. Plus, they ignored us all day long -- again. 

At this point, it's Tuesday at 9 a.m. CST. We are still not closed on our house. From what I understand the loan packet did come in during the night and we should be closing later today. I truly hope that is the case.

Part of me is so frustrated that I want to tell you who the bank is. I want the guy who screwed this up to be fired -- and maybe his manager. I wonder if the company that is relocating our buyers to Fort Myers hired the bank for their relocations -- if so, I want to shout to them that they need to fire the bank.

I want to call the bank and give them a piece of my mind. Via email they apologized for the inconvenience -- REALLY?! We are talking about peoples lives and thousands of dollars here. You're sorry for the inconvenience? Are you sorry for ignoring calls and emails? Are you sorry you just flat out did not do your job???

So, how does this story fit in with life coaching? Well, one of the best things you can do to clear frustrations from your mind is to write them out. Check. Next, you write out your intention for the situation -- my intention is to have a successful and peaceful sales transaction for our Florida home in time to close on our Illinois home. Check. Third, you write what you are grateful for -- we are grateful we have time between house closings! Check. Final step, write out your action plan. Our plan is to continue to follow-up with phone calls, remain calm with the other people involved and to see if we can re-list the house if the deal does not go through today. Check.

Wish us luck!

How our family shifted out of survival mode into fun mode

As many can relate to, having children drastically changes one’s life. After my husband, Paul, and I had children, we unknowingly went into survival mode – a mode where we were just trying to keep our heads above water to keep up with all of our new responsibilities.

Survival mode is a very real thing, and unfortunately, too many of us get stuck there at some point in our lives. When you are stuck in survival mode, it’s difficult to have a positive attitude. You worry about things you can’t control. You spend too much time reliving the past and worrying about the future.

When you are in survival mode, it’s difficult to relax and live in your moments. It’s a state of living in constant stress, and you become burned out. That is most definitely where we were – burned out.

We were so overwhelmed by the job of parenting these two precious souls that we stopped living in other areas of our life. At times I felt as if I couldn’t even think to plan fun things to do, because my brain was so consumed with surviving each day. Thank goodness we had amazing friends and family who planned the fun and invited us along!

I’m not saying we didn’t have any fun at all – we most certainly did, but there was always this subtle, heavy heap of worry and stress that we unknowingly allowed to weigh us down. 

I started working with a life coach about two years ago, and that is what started our climb out of death valley and back into life. Paul also chose to work with a life coach, which really helped get us both on the same page. We learned a lot about living in the moment and being grateful for what we have.

It has been a lot of work, and a lot has happened in the past two years, but once again, we are finally living. In addition to the work Paul and I have done on ourselves and our marriage, our kids are getting older – they are not babies anymore – and they don’t rely on us for every sip of water or snack or even to get dressed. This feels like someone lifted a weight off our shoulders.

Before 2010 began, Paul and I committed to a year of adventure, and what an adventure it was. The biggest adventure was our move to Illinois, of course, but before we moved, we shared many new experiences in Florida, including, sleeping on the floor of a children’s museum with 50 Cub Scouts and their families, camping with the Cub Scouts, and discovering Disney theme parks for the first time!

Once in Illinois, we went to the horse races, started exploring the city of Chicago, visited a real pumpkin patch, raked leaves, shoveled snow, went sledding, cut down our very first real Christmas tree and more!

We are having so much fun and making many wonderful memories – even while we have been working on selling our Florida home. Let me tell you what a huge stress that is – it’s HUGE. But, we have not allowed that stress to stop us from living. We have learned to make the best out of every situation we encounter and to be grateful for what we have.

I am sharing this story to encourage anyone out there who may be experiencing challenging times. We all experience challenges, but it’s how you respond to them that really defines who you are. You know what they say, “Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it.” If you’d like help embracing this 90/10 principle, contact me!

New Year, New You

The changing of the year is a natural time of reflection to look back upon the successes and difficulties you experienced in 2010.

Let's approach 2011 with the attitude that the worst of our problems are now behind us. Take a big, cleansing deep breath. Let go of the problems. Watch them float away as you exhale. Wipe the slate clean and know the challenges you faced in 2010 have made you stronger and taught you valuable lessons.

Instead of becoming bitter as a result of your challenges, open your heart with compassion toward people in similar situations and let go of any blame or feelings of victim hood.

This type of a positive outlook will attract love and a peaceful, prosperous 2011.

Happy New Year!

--If you would like to work with someone on cultivating this positive attitude in 2011, contact me! I have programs in place to guide you on your journey.

Sledding!

Today I read the quote "When was the last time you did something for the first time?" by Kobi Yamada. It reminded me about our recent sledding adventures.

Moving back to Illinois has been such an adventure for us -- sharing new and old experiences with the kids.

Sledding has definitely been one of them. Although it's not a first for me, it's like a first, because it has been so long! It's exhilarating -- flying down those big hills, trying to steer with no steering wheel, letting out girly screams, snow flying up in your face!

We've got three different sleds right now, so we all take turns on the different sleds and try find as many different ways to go down as possible. I can't say I can pick a favorite, but one of my favorite ways to go down the hill is on my belly on our purple penguin blow-up sled. It seemed like such a crazy thing to do, at first -- to go head first -- but, wow, what fun! I think I'm addicted!

Part of what makes the experience so great, aside from the rush, is that everyone around us is having fun, too.

I was so moved by watching the adults -- they are having as much fun as the kids during this so-called "kids activity." I hear the joy in their laughter and recognize the exhilaration in their voice. And it's fun to watch them "help" their kids discover different ways to fly down the hill!

I was sure during this fun-filled time to also take a moment to look around at the beauty of the landscape -- the sun was shining, the sky was bright blue, the bare, brown trees surrounded the hill, the snow was crisp and white. The snow hill was peppered all around with people sledding down and walking up. The voices of everyone around us were cheerful, joyful and excited. How wonderful! Happy Winter! Enjoy this video clip Paul bravely took while sledding on the disc!

I could be saying, "WTF"

When I moved back to Illinois, I thought I was going to enjoy a lot of time with my family -- I had visions of family bar-b-que's, adventures to area attractions and lots of snuggle time with my new nephews. I am certainly doing that, but it's not turning out quite how I imagined at the moment.

I am sharing this story to teach what I am learning about how to deal with life and hopefully inspire others who might need to hear a positive message.

There are several things causing stress, but two that are pretty big. My sister is pregnant, and her baby has been diagnosed with the same disease that took her first-born child up to heaven less than two years ago. The doctors said it most likely wouldn't happen again and seem to be as shocked as the rest of us that it did. This time around Kara and baby are getting much better care -- unfortunately the specialists are in Philly, not Chicago, so she is experiencing stress surrounding the extra travel and time away from work.

The other biggie is that my dad is fighting lung cancer. He was diagnosed just before Thanksgiving. I know he will beat it, but I also know we have a battle ahead of us. 

So, when we are faced with stressful life experiences such as these, what are we to do? 

I choose to look to my faith. Although I very much feel the stress from these two events, I know what to do to help reduce it -- pray, meditate and live in the moment. I also need to have a positive attitude.

I have learned to never underestimate the power of prayer, that sometimes I need to stop talking and listen and that living in the moment is the only answer. If I were to crumble to the ground from the stress and not enjoy the time I spend with my family, I would be missing out on life -- my life.

As far as my attitude, it is tempting sometimes when the stress feels so overwhelming to wonder, "What in the world is going on?" I didn't anticipate any of this happening -- maybe my move from Florida brought it on, because ever since I've gotten here, "bad" things have been happening. 

But I know better, and the thought I most often have is, "Thank God I am here." Could you imagine if I was in Florida and all of this was going on up here? It's validation to me that God has a plan for everything, and he made sure I would be here right now. Thank you, God.

--Written with love and devotion for my family ... xoxoxo

Is it Possible to Live in a State of Thanksgiving Gratitude All Year Long?

Happy Thanksgiving! Since feeling thankful is on everyone’s mind, I thought it would be a great time to talk about gratitude – the kind of thankfulness you have all year long.

http://www.allaboutgratitude.com/



Gratitude is being thankful for what you have in your life on a daily basis – even in the face of adversity.

Of course, we all have challenges in life, but it’s how we choose to look at them that makes or breaks us. A wise man once told me, “You become what you think about.” So, if you’re thinking about how horrible a certain situation is, you are creating more of that. However, if you can start looking for the good in the situation, you will continue to find more of the good.

Living in a state of gratitude focuses you on the NOW – not on the past that you can’t change – and not on the future that you have no control over.

Today is a great day to practice living in the now. Enjoy this time with your family and friends. Thank those who have made a big impact in your life.

One way to stay in a state of gratitude all year long is to keep a gratitude journal. Spend a few minutes each day writing about all of the things you are feeling grateful for in that moment.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Will You be Lured Away from Your Thanksgiving Celebration to Appease the Retailers?

This morning I saw a headline in USA Today about more retailers opening their doors for shopping on Thanksgiving Day.

Experts are saying Thanksgiving is not as sacred a day as it was even a few years ago.

The story also says that opening on Thanksgiving is an experiment to see how “penny pinching consumers” will respond. I question this approach.

One of the great things about Thanksgiving is that it exemplifies what a true holiday means – spending time with friends and family – usually without the giving and receiving of gifts. Yes, gifts are a wonderful way to show someone you love them, and we certainly experience plenty of that at Christmas. But the unique thing about Thanksgiving is that it is not associated with gifts.

Thanksgiving is a fantastic time to slow down and appreciate all that we have in our lives. It’s the only “official” day of the year for it. But, now that retailers are inviting everyone out of their homes, away from their families, on Thanksgiving, will the holiday lose its meaning? Will people be so tempted by the opportunity to save a buck that they won’t even take this one day to appreciate all they have in their life? Is everyone going to be in a hurry to down their turkey so they can be first in line for the “door buster” sales?

It will be interesting to see how consumers respond. Will the retailers win out by offering deals sweeter than Thanksgiving dessert? I would ask us all to think about how quickly we want to rush from our special Thanksgiving celebrations to the stores. Don’t get me wrong! I am all about saving money – but I’m not going to sacrifice my family time on Thanksgiving Day to save a few bucks.

Oops! I messed up!

shirt.woot.com

I had an experience last week that made me feel very grateful for my life coaching tool box. The life coaching tool box is where you go when you have a problem. It is filled with tools to help bring your mind from chaos to peace. The problem I had was that I needed to say, "I'm Sorry."

So, what happened, you are wondering. Well, I received a call from someone I am close with. That person asked me a question that sent a dagger straight through my heart and severed several nerves. Ouch! That hurt.

Instead of remaining calm, cool and collected, I answered the question sarcastically. I got terse and asked the reason for the question. My words and my tone let that person know I was annoyed.

I hung up the phone and complained to my husband about the nerve of this person. Then I went to bed and slept on it...knowing I had some work ahead of me. The next morning I got up and got out my trusty journal. This is where the life coaching tool box comes into play.

I first journaled my feelings about the situation -- the good, bad and ugly. Then, I put myself in that person's shoes and realized that call must have been difficult for them to make. Next, I looked at what I could be grateful for with the situation -- among other things, this person had the courage to ask the question. And, we can always be grateful for the opportunity to say we are sorry. Finally, I worked on my action plan. It was to write out my sincere apology and call that person back and give it.

Why write out an apology? It's really important to get clear on what you are going to say before you say it. In my case, I needed to take responsibility for my actions. Apologize for my words and my tone. Explain why I responded that way. That I was being selfish. That I would do my best not to respond that way in the future. That it is not my intention to lose my cool. That I don't want them to be afraid to call me, because they will get a crabby response.That I love them. Lucky for me, my apology was accepted, and it was a nice conversation.

Although it's difficult, saying you're sorry is actually a very beautiful process, because it allows the person who messed up to come down from their throne, clear the air, and show the person who got the brunt of the mistake that they are loved. It works to establish trust between the two people -- that they are both human, but that they are willing to admit mistakes and forgive one another. It allows both people to let that experience float away instead of having it drag them down with resentment. Isn't that a beautiful thing?

If you need help mastering the art of saying "I'm Sorry," contact me.

Written with love for everyone I've had to say I'm sorry to! :)

Anger Strikes at Starbucks

I witnessed an incident at Starbucks that inspired me to write. A girl and her friend were sitting outside enjoying some coffee, when the mother of one of them walked up and a fight ensued. The girls were probably right around 20 years old.

I tried not to listen, but it was difficult. The gist of what happened is that the daughter wouldn't tell her mother where she was going, who she was going with or when she was going. She refused to check-in with her mother. Her mother said she wanted to know where the girl was so she didn't have to worry. They were so angry with each other, I could feel the heat.

http://www.freeimages.co.uk/

I felt bad for them both and wished they knew a better way to deal with conflict.

While listening to them, some of the first thoughts that came to my mind were respect and control. Both parties need to have respect for each other -- the daughter, who is presumably living under her mother's roof, and the mother, because her daughter is an adult now.

Both are using control to irritate the other. The mother is being controlling with the way she is demanding to know many details about the daughter's where-a-bouts, and the daughter is being controlling, by purposefully withholding information. It's a power struggle.

I wondered what would happen if each of them put themselves in the other person's shoes. If the daughter could ponder what might be going through her mother's mind, and how her mother might feel with no idea where her daughter is or who she is with. What if the mother could reflect on her younger years when she wanted freedom and flexibility from her parents? Could this be how her daughter is feeling now? 

Even when there are years of resentment built up between people -- as was evident with this mother and daughter -- every one of us has the power to change the course for the better. One day at a time. One interaction at a time.

Let's imagine a new scenario. The mother comes up to the table and vents her frustration to her daughter. Instead of firing back, what if the daughter acknowledges her mother and says, "I love you, mom. I can see you're really upset by this. Can we talk about it later tonight?" No matter what the mother says -- even if she continues to fire back -- the daugher remains calm, loving and consistent in her request to continue the conversation later. Because, the truth is, no good will come out of a volatile conversation where one or both of the people involved are overly emotional and not thinking clearly.

Think it's impossible? It's not. Yes, it takes practice. Yes, it takes self-control. No, it is not easy. But, is the end-result worth it? YES! We can all start healing difficult relationships in our lives by handling difficult conversations like this one in a new manner.

-- Written with prayerful hope for this mother and daughter to heal their relationship.

Living Large! A Celebration for Tyler and Alyssa

We had parent-teacher conferences at Tyler and Alyssa's school yesterday. I left there feeling so fantastic that I knew we had to celebrate!

I keep tabs on the kids' school work, I volunteer in Alyssa's classroom, I try to attend the field trips, and I periodically set up playdates with the kids and their parents. So I feel like I'm aware of how they are doing academically and socially. I have my eye on them! :)

But to sit down face-to-face with the teachers and hear the amazing things they said about how Tyler and Alyssa are doing felt so wonderful!

Especially because of our move. Of course, Paul and I were worried about what would happen if we moved. How would the children adjust? I believe we are getting our answer! They are doing just fine!

It's not magic that they are adjusting well, though. It's because of the conscious efforts of their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends and teachers. Everyone has been so encouraging, welcoming and helpful.

So, yesterday at 3:00 we decided to hop on the train to meet Paul downtown for some Chicago-style fun! We toured the John Hancock Observatory and learned about some of the City's landmarks.

We stepped inside the American Girl store at Water Tower Place for Alyssa. You should have seen the smile on her face!

We grabbed dinner at a really cool-looking Cheesecake Factory at the bottom of the Hancock Building.

Then we walked down the Miracle Mile in awe of how the lights from the buildings twinkle in the clear night sky. The air was crisp ... our steps were light ... it was so much fun ... wow, what a gorgeous night!

--Written with love and gratitude for all of the people encouraging us and helping us adjust to our new home. Thank you!

Why is it so difficult to live in the moment?

What does it mean to "live in the moment?" To me, it means to try to enjoy each moment of our day. To enjoy each task. To find fun in everything we do. To find the gifts in every experience. To be present with ourselves and with our loved ones.

I was thinking about this yesterday as I was walking to the park with the kids. It is SO easy to get caught up with everything we have to do that we often miss out on life itself.

One of the ways I try to live in my moments is by taking the scenic route to school every day. There is a faster way, but we have found a way that we really enjoy and that provides a view that we love.

I also make stops from time-to-time to look at wildlife or interesting construction projects. One morning this week we stopped at a park that had frost all over the ground.

Tyler and Alyssa have never seen frost before. So I pulled over, parked and sent them running in the field to see what it looked like up close...to touch the grass and see what it felt like. It was a beautiful sight, really, and I realized that we were living in our moment. We took a detour from the road we were headed on for just a couple of minutes to explore and play!

How will you play today?

The Husband and Wife Ironing Controversy

Photo from http://www.oneinchpunch.net/

One of my clients had an interesting controversy about ironing and her husband that I wanted to share. Her husband hates ironing. So does she. Neither one of them is good at it.

Leah had this internal, old-fashioned voice inside that told her she should be ironing for her husband. That is what she saw her mom do. That thought is an old agreement she believed about what she thought roles and responsibilities are for a stay-at-home mom.

But in the real world in the 2000's, Leah does not like ironing. She barely irons her own clothes. Also, she works from home and does not think she has extra time to iron for him during the day -- when she isn't taking care of the kids, she is working. Some of her thoughts were, "He doesn't iron my clothes, why should I iron his. We are in this 50-50. I work just as hard around here all day as he does at work."

Every time her husband picked up the iron he ended up swearing and getting totally frustrated. Because of Leah's internal beliefs that she should be the one ironing, she felt a dagger go into her heart every time she heard him get pissed off as he was ironing. Part of her felt bad, like she should iron for him, but another part of her thought he needs to be responsible for his own ironing, just as she was hers.

This went on for years. Like more than 10. And they never really talked about it. It was just an experience that kept occurring.

It recently came to light again. Leah heard her husband complaining about ironing more and more. But she didn't say much other than to suggest he look for a tutorial video on YouTube. He did that, but didn't really find anything helpful.


photo from http://www.oneinchpunch.net/



Finally, one day, Leah decided to try to help make her husband's ironing experience better. She went out and bought him a new iron and ironing board. Her husband was excited about the new purchases and hoped it would help, but it only helped a little bit. He still got frustrated when he ironed.

Leah's next idea was to take his shirts to the cleaners to be professionally pressed. She did that and surprised him one day. It worked! He loved the surprise! They talked about the expense, which neither one of them had too much of a problem with, considering the frustration the ironing caused.

Finally, knowing he was in a good mood about the subject, Leah was brave enough to be honest with her husband. She said she had this old-fashioned, internal belief that she should be ironing for him, but that she did not want to. She said it felt like a dagger in her heart when she heard him get frustrated about ironing, because she thought the swear words were aimed at her. She said she didn't want his ironing to be her responsibility, but she wouldn't mind dropping shirts off at the cleaners and picking them up. He said she was awesome. That made her feel very relieved.

The moral of this story is in communication. Leah should have been more honest with her husband a long time ago, but she wasn't because she was afraid to rock the boat. Instead, she let this pattern repeat itself for more than 10 years and grate on both of their nerves. Now the issue is out in the open, making it easier for both of them to be honest.

Ouch!

Ouch! That hurt! Today I saw some new recent pictures and a virtual tour of our Florida home, and it stung. Looking at the pictures made me feel a little bit sad. It made me miss the house and our life in it.

It looks so beautiful -- inside and out. I love what we've done with the place, if I don't say so myself!

On one hand, it was nice to see the lawn was green and the pool was blue ... rather than green, but, seeing all of our furniture and belongings there was difficult.

I know it's just "stuff" and that what really matters is we're all healthy and together. Most of the time I think positively like that, but sometimes it's difficult.

It's stressful that the house has not sold yet, because it represents a huge piece of unfinished business -- and our largest asset. Questions arise, like how much will it sell for? When will it sell? Will we have enough for a down payment for a new home? Should I buy Alyssa a new baby doll stroller since she keeps asking for the one in our Florida home? How much should we spend on decorating the place we are in now? How long are we going to be here?

I hadn't thought about how much I missed our house until I saw it in pictures today.

Seeing those pictures did more than make me feel sad though, it actually taught me something. I realized that although I always loved our home, I tended to look at its imperfections, rather than its overall beauty. Instead of seeing a beautiful family home, I often saw dusty shelves, vacuuming that needed to be done and kids toys that needed to be put away. Now I look at the pictures of our home, and I see beauty.

Today I acknowledged there are a lot of things about this situation I don't know, but I realized there are a lot of things about this situation I do know. I know another family will eventually walk through the front doors and fall in love with the house just like we did. I know God is in control and that He works in His own time. I know we are all together, happy and healthy. I know my family has been hugely blessed by the opportunity to live in my Grandmother's house during this time.  I know it's not the house that makes the home -- it's the people in it. I know I'm home as long as I have my family. I know home is where the heart is.

Parenting Dilemmas

It's been an interesting week for me -- I've been deliberating about whether to send Alyssa to school for half-days or full days.

My initial thought was to send her half days this semester and full days next semester.

The class she is in is a full day class. She was the only one leaving after half the day.

But, after the first week, Alyssa expressed her preference to go for the full day. She said she didn't have enough time to play when she left after a half day.

Part of me was jumping for joy at the thought of having from 8 a.m. until 2 p.m. every day to work and get my stuff done. But, part of me felt I should keep her with me as long as I could...to completely fulfill my stay-at-home-mom duties and to continue to mold and shape Alyssa with our family values.

Ahhhh....the dilemma.

I spoke with her teacher about it, and she thought Alyssa would do fine, so we decided to try it for a few days this week. Of course, Alyssa took right to it.

On the first day she was going to go the full day, she flat out told me, "Mommy, if you need to cry you can bury your face in my princess pillow." Seriously?!?! My four-year-old just said that to me?

Then, she gave me a plastic fairy window decoration she made and said if I miss her and feel sad, I can squeeze the fairy. Oh my word. The things that come out of this kid's mouth!

All week long, Alyssa continually expressed that she loved to be there the full day.

This morning I said, "So, before I make my final decision, I want to make sure you would prefer to be at school in the afternoon, instead of home with mommy." She said, "Yes, mommy."

I said, "OK. Give me a hug. I love you. Thank you for being honest and sharing your preference with me." We hugged for a minute, and when I let her go, I noticed she had tears in her eyes. I think she realized it was a big decision and that mommy would miss her.

So, I guess that's it. She's going full days. In some ways it feels like the end of something -- my official "stay-at-home mom" days. But, I know it is so much more than that. This is a beginning. For me. For Alyssa. For our whole family.

We have just moved across the country. The kids are adjusting BEAUTIFULLY to their new school -- so much so that Alyssa wants to be there all day. What more could I ask for? My children are thriving here! This was my biggest fear about moving -- "What about the kids?" I guess I have my answer! Thank you, God! xoxoxo

New School, New Adventures!

It was such a joy watching Tyler and Alyssa adjust to their new school last week. It is awesome having them in the same school!

Tuesday was the funniest day of all. We laughed so hard as we listened to their stories about seeing each other and interacting (or not) during the day!

It all started when Alyssa couldn't find her snack in her backpack. Her teacher sent her down to Tyler's class to "borrow" a snack from him. She found some crackers and ate them all, except two. She put them back in Tyler's lunch box.

They told me about this when I picked Alyssa up from school at 11:00, but what they didn't tell me was that Tyler was not in the classroom when that happened. So, imagine Tyler's surprise when he opened up his lunch box to find a snack-size Ziplock with only two crackers in it! LOL!

Then, at one point, Alyssa snubbed Tyler in the hallway -- he said hello, and she ignored him! Later when we were having the conversation about it, he said, "By the way, what were you doing in the hallway alone anyway?" Apparently she was walking a friend to the office for an ice pack.

The reason Tyler saw them in the hallway was because he was going to get a new pair of shorts -- apparently he slid down the slide right into a puddle of water. The office staff got him a "new" used pair to borrow. The funny part about that story is that I didn't know about it. So, when I went into the school later in the day to purchase an additional pair of shorts for Tyler, just because we needed them, they said, "Oh, he already got a new pair today!" Imagine my surprise! Too funny!

It was a nutty, funny, crazy, joyful week! Hopefully this week will be just as fun!

Remembering Grandma D

This is Grandma & Grandpa DeBruyne
last summer at my brother Dan's wedding.

Grandma DeBruyne passed away overnight. She was technically my step-grandmother, although, in our family we didn't use that "step" title. Everyone was just family. The only reason I mention it now is to share the story of her love for me and my brother and sister, who were brought into her family when we were young.

I was about 10 when I met Grandma DeBruyne; my brother Erik was 6; and my sister Kara was 2. Grandma and Grandpa DeBruyne accepted us into their family like we were their own. Like we were always there. If an outsider attended a family event, they would never have known we weren't always there or meant to be there...because we were. We never, ever felt like "step" grandchildren.

How lucky were we? To be accepted into a family like that? Things could have been much more difficult for us if they weren't so loving. By the way, that family was huge! Grandma and Grandpa DeBruyne had 8 children. At the time there were 18 grandchildren!

We spent time with them on every holiday and many other family celebrations in between. Most of these celebrations were held at their welcoming home. Christmas was always one of our favorite times -- as much of the family gathered as could, and the gifts were many. I swear they took up a quarter of the living room!

Grandma and Grandpa DeBruyne always gave flashlights on Christmas. All kinds -- big and small and unique styles, too! They were different every year. We grandkids always looked forward to them. Grandma and Grandpa were very practical like that.

When I got married Grandma and Grandpa gifted me with the flowers for the wedding -- she owned and operated a flower shop. The flowers were absolutely beautiful -- any bride's dream! She pulled out all the stops! I was so lucky.

I'm so grateful for the time Grandma D was in my life. She was a very special person. So, it is with a heavy heart that I say, "Goodbye Grandma, and thank you so much for your love."

--Written with love and admiration and gratitude for Betty DeBruyne