The Myth of the Perfect Parent

Parenting is hard -- especially when our children make mistakes. I'm talking about mistakes like not listening, hurting someone else's feelings, not sharing, hitting, etc.

When things like this happen around my house, I tend to beat myself up and blame myself. Why? Because I feel passionately that it is my job to raise good children. I am so afraid that I am going to mess this up. And there are no second chances here.

Image courtesy of Ambro /FreeDigitalPhotos.net

But, I recently gained a new insight on an old story that set me free from those negative thoughts.

It goes a little something like this. There once was the perfect Father, and he had two children, Adam and Eve, who sinned and rejected his ways.

Oh. My. Gosh. Stop the presses! Let me get this straight. God ... who is the perfect Father, had children who sinned?

Yes, I knew that. But I never put it into the context of my parenting.

If the most perfect Father could have children who sinned, how can I expect to have children who never make mistakes? And why am I beating myself up about it when they do mess up?

Wow! What a relief. It's a whole new perspective! Now, this doesn't mean that I will stop trying to raise wonderful human beings, but it means I will no longer expect to be the perfect parent!

Does that resonate with anyone else?

Spiritual Journaling: The ART of Compassion

I attended a spiritual art journaling class last night and made this piece of artwork.

For the week prior to the class we were instructed to be asking God for direction in this new season of life ( it could be the kids going back to school or whatever is going on in life).

We were to ask God to lay some things on our hearts and to be paying attention to the repetitive messages he would bring us.

Throughout the week I felt that God was giving me the word compassion to think about. I read that word and heard people speak that word REPEATEDLY all week long. 

He even gave me a verse from the Bible -- Psalm 103:8, which says "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love."

I took time to reflect on what God was trying to tell me with this, and I think right now it has to do with me being compassionate always.

It's easy to be compassionate toward people who treat you with love and respect. The challenge comes in being compassionate toward those you feel are not treating you well.

This is no small challenge. It means changing your heart. It means that even those who have hurt us deserve our compassion. Maybe it helps to think about what Plato said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”

So, the goal of the spiritual art journaling class was to take what we learned over the week and to journal it artistically. We were given an 8x8 canvas, paints, markers, crayons, glitter, stickers, photographs and more to create our artful journals. The end result is a treasure to help remind you of what God is teaching you right now.

Tamara Peterson, the creator of this idea, came up with it because she understands the value of journaling, but has trouble putting her thoughts and feelings into words. She's an artist, so instead of using lots of words, she uses lots of paint, color, symbols, pictures and anything else artistic she can get her hands on. She is so talented! And very fun to be around, I might add!

But you don't have to be a talented artist to journal this way! As you can see from my photo, I am not an artist -- I am a woman of words! But I loved this method of journaling and found it to be very peaceful and divine. If you're interested in learning more about creative journaling, click here.

The Subject of Trust

In a recent moms radio show I co-hosted with Life Coach Mir Lynne Pietrzyk, we talked about the job of raising children as mothers filled with faith and trust.

During the show, I mentioned a recent experience with trust, and I wanted to expand upon it in writing.

For some reason, I have been confused about the actual date my children were going to start school this year. I knew it was a Wednesday. But I couldn't remember if the date was the 22nd or 23rd. Quite honestly, I wasn't fretting about it. I knew I'd get them there!

It turns out the correct date was Wednesday the 22nd of August. However, that morning, I thought the date was Wednesday the 23rd, so when I got up to work on my devotional, I opened up to the date of August 23rd.

Here's what my devotional said on my children's first day of school, "Entrust your loved ones to me; release them into my protective care."

Imagine my surprise. I thought, "What are the chances my devotional says that on the first day of school?!" That devotional gave me such peace. It was exactly what I needed to hear, and I knew it was right. I need to let go and trust God to protect my children when they are away from me.

I am grateful to God for that message, and as I thought about the situation, I realized there was another message for me.

I realized it wasn't an accident I was confused about the date. God knew I needed to read the devotional for August 23rd, so, he allowed me to be confused about the date, so I would read the message he wanted me to read. The message I most needed that day.

So, not only did I learn to trust that God will take care of my children, but I also learned to trust that God will provide for me exactly what I need when I need it.

It's taken me some time in my life to get to this point, but it's such a wonderful, peaceful place to be. I am learning to go with the flow more in life, because everything happens for a reason -- God's reason.

My musings about the use of animals for entertainment in the circus

Yesterday I went on a field trip to the circus with Alyssa's class. I was not very excited about going, honestly.

Somewhere along the line of my life I have lost my fondness for the circus, so yesterday I decided to pay attention to why that might be. I don't mean to bash the circus, only to share my thoughts.

First of all, I just don't get the point of a circus. Obviously entertainment, but it's not that entertaining for me. What I really discovered is that I don't like the animal "performances."

The tigers looked fat and unfit. And they appeared terrified of the trainer. They kept hissing at him too. It was very weird and uncomfortable. I felt bad for them.

Then they brought out two different types of horses and several zebras. They were beautiful. I can sort of see why horses...they're pretty domesticated...but zebras? I think they belong in the wild.

Then the elephants. I am amazed by elephants, but it pained me to watch them be paraded around and forced to perform tricks like standing on their heads. I especially cringed when they made them lay down...that appears to take a lot of effort for an elephant.

So why do I feel this way? Am I being too analytical? Am I having trouble shutting off my adult mind? Do I need to try to look at the circus through the eyes of a child? I don't exactly know.

I do know this. I have a huge appreciation for nature and God's creatures. I love marveling at them in the wild -- their natural setting. That's amazing enough for me. I'm just not sure we should be forcing them to do tricks for our entertainment.

Teaching children how to be a supportive friend

Yesterday Alyssa told me about an event that happened at school last week that prompted a little lesson about how to be a good friend. Here's how our conversation went.

A friend pulled a piece of fruit out of her lunch and said, "Look what I got, Alyssa!"

Apparently, since Alyssa does not like that particular fruit, she replied, "Oh, I don't like that fruit."

Well, her friend did not like that remark and told the teacher on her. At this point I was perplexed. Why would someone tell on you because you stated your opinion that you do not like a particular fruit? But I knew there must be more to the story, so I pushed on.

I asked Alyssa, "Why do you think your friend told on you for that?" She said she didn't know. Then, my brain started firing -- the friend's feelings were hurt. I see what happened!

I said, "Why do you think she showed you that piece of fruit?"

"I don't know," she replied.

"Because she was excited about it," I said. "She wanted you to feel excited for her."

I continued, "Remember how you were excited to show your friends your face painting from Fall Fest?"

"Yes," she said.

"Well, your friend was excited about what was in her lunch in the same way. Do you think next time you could say something like, 'Cool! I'm happy for you.' When she shows you something she is excited about?"

"Oh. Yeah. I can do that." Sweet!

Then, wouldn't you know it? Moments later I looked at Tyler's religion homework, and it touched on the same topic! OMG! How lucky am I?

I read her the words right off the paper -- "When something exciting happens to people, many of them want to share their good news with others."

So, when people share their good news with us, it's polite and loving to respond by letting them know we are happy for them -- even if what they are excited about is not a preference of ours.

I then proceeded to practice with her for the rest of the evening in funny, lighthearted ways to help get the point across.

I know Alyssa did not intend on hurting her friend's feelings by saying she did not like the fruit, but the delicate point is that there was something better she could have said.

She doesn't have to pretend she likes the fruit, but she could have been supportive and showed her friend that she was glad she had something in her lunch that made her excited. Hopefully we've learned a lesson that will stick!

My glowing little pumpkin

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and this one of my little pumpkin is, indeed!

I find myself repeatedly coming back to admire this shot, so I thought I should try to pinpoint what I love about it so much. Here's what I came up with:

I love ...

• How beautiful Alyssa looks. 
• How happy she looks.
• How clear the sky is. 
• The orange pumpkins dotted all over the ground.
• How the setting sun makes the picture glow orange.
• How the color of her skirt matches the pumpkins. 
• The fact that we are in a real pumpkin patch ... on a beautiful farm. 
• That Tyler is in the picture, even though he is walking the other way.
• That the picture makes me feel peaceful.
• Knowing how much fun she had that day!

Journaling for your Health, Happiness & Healing

I am often met with a look of resistance when I speak to my clients about the journaling homework they need to do in-between our coaching sessions.

After the look, they start spouting off excuses, such as, "I'm not a good writer," "I don't like to write," "I can't spell," "I don't know what to write about," "I don't have time."

Many people simply don't understand the power of journaling. The truth is that journaling is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Here's an interesting tidbit about how it works -- writing uses your left brain, which is the analytical and rational side. So, while you keep your left brain busy by putting your thoughts on paper, you allow your right brain a chance to open up and be creative. This helps you understand yourself and those around you better and allows you to come up with creative solutions to the challenges you are facing. 

Here are the top 5 reasons you should make time to journal:

• Journaling helps you clarify your thoughts and feelings
• Journaling helps you get to know yourself better
• Journaling helps you reduce stress
• Journaling helps you solve problems 
• Journaling helps you heal relationships with others

Here's how you get started:

• Buy a journal and pen that you love

• Find quiet place

• Set the mood with a candle or cup of tea

• Journal at the same time each day for 15-20 minutes

• Write without editing or censoring

Here's what you can write about:

• Write about what makes you happy

• Write about what makes you sad

• Write about your goals and dreams

• Write about what you want to accomplish that day

• Write a letter to yourself

Contact me if you would like more information!

Moms, Join Me for a Group Life Coaching Program at the Y

Being a mother is constant. It never stops. There is more written on each one of our daily “to do” lists than is humanly possible to achieve; and as if that’s not frustrating enough, we’re supposed to make motherhood look easy and show up to every function smiling and looking like beauty queens. 


We have the best of intentions. We want to be the best we can be. But, where are we supposed to find the time and energy to do it all?

In this inspiring and motivational exclusive YMCA offering, Certified Master Life Coach Tina Haisman will lead you on an 8-week journey to transforming into the mother and woman you want to be!

Who Should Come?Busy moms who want to learn how to reduce stress and live a healthy and balanced life.

What Will be Covered? In the safety of a supportive environment of other moms, you will learn tools and techniques for handling the many ups and downs of mothering young children and keeping your family happy and healthy. You will pick one area of your life to work on and make better – it can be your health, finances, spirituality, relationships or career. You will learn tools and techniques for achieving your goals.

What are the Top 3 Benefits of a Group Coaching Program? 

• You surround yourself with other women facing similar challenges.
• You learn new techniques for goal-setting, action planning, stress management and more.
• You gain motivation from the coach AND the group!

When is it? This program consists of 8 one-hour sessions – one per week, starting Wednesday, July13th

What is the Cost? FREE to YMCA members, $40 for non-members

Where will it be held? Lattof YMCA Meeting Rooms

What do I Need to Bring?Physically, you will need a writing journal and a pen. (They need not be fancy, but they can be fun!) Mentally, you will need an open mind. Emotionally, you will need the desire to make your life even better than it already is!

Testimonials … What are Other People Saying? "Eight weeks of life coaching has made a remarkable difference in my life. Tina has helped me to put action behind several goals that I had set for myself but had been unable to accomplish on my own. Her positivity and encouragement have led me to not only achieve my goals, but also to have a better outlook on life and the challenges I face each day. I would recommend life coaching to anyone who wants to move forward in their life, whether it be in the area of finances, career, relationships, spirituality, or health. And don’t we all?" April

Heaven is for Real

I read a great book yesterday called Heaven is for Real. It's about a four-year-old boy's trip to Heaven while he was having emergency surgery.

I enjoyed many stories from this book, but one of the things that made the biggest impact on me is how the little boy, Colton, met his sister in heaven -- a baby his mother had miscarried. He did not know about the baby before this experience, because his parents thought he was too young to understand.

Colton told his mom that a little girl came running up to him in Heaven and wouldn't stop hugging him. She told him that she was his sister and that she had died in her mommy's tummy. As Colton told his mom this story, she was, of course, in shock, but he reassured her the little girl was OK, because God adopted her. Wow. (There's more to the story, but I'll let you read it for yourself!)

That story really made me smile, because it reassured me that the baby I miscarried is in heaven waiting for me. I've always believed that in my heart, but this story helped reaffirm that.

The whole miscarriage experience for me was a bit of a shocker -- I was 12 weeks along when I realized the baby was no longer alive. It was a Sunday, just two days after Hurricane Charley hit Southwest Florida. I instinctively knew. Oddly enough, I knew because I felt well for the first time in the pregnancy.

The timing for a miscarriage seemed horrible -- electricity was still out in some places, everyone in town was working to clean up and get back to normal. It was hot and humid and everything felt very heavy.

But, you know me, I always look for the silver lining, and I found many reasons to be grateful during that time -- especially for the love and support of family and friends. And, my belief that my child was taken to Heaven.

So, to read this book and learn that Colton met his unborn sister was awesome. It healed my heart to know that someday I will be able to hug my heavenly baby! :)