“The Secrets of Being the Best Mom” FREE Teleclass

Are you struggling with the role of being a mother? Is it more difficult than you thought, but you’re afraid to admit it? Do you wish you could just learn how to relax, let go and trust that you are the “best” mom your kids could ever want?

Then, join me and fellow life coach Mir Lynne Pietrzyk for “The Secrets of Being the Best Mom, a FREE teleclass that will assist you on your journey to becoming the mother you want to be. 

Mark your calendar for Wednesday, April 25 from 11 a.m. to Noon CST (Noon to 1 p.m. EST) to hear Mir Lynne and I discuss the secrets all moms need to know about how to create the life and home they desire with their children.

The top 3 secrets you will take away from this teleclass are:

• How to enjoy and make memories out of every day 
• How to give your children the exact amount of TLC they need to thrive 
• How to get it all done and still have time and energy for YOU 

To register, visit http://bestmom.eventbrite.com/. The dial in information will be emailed to you after registration.

The 5 Love Languages Can Save Marriages!

So, there is this couple having trouble in their marriage. The wife says, "I cook for him. I clean for him. I bring his shirts to the cleaners. I take care of the kids all by myself morning, noon and night. He doesn't ever help me. I just don't think he loves me."

The husband says, "All she ever does is criticize me. She is always complaining. I don't know what I need to do to make her happy."

What's going on here? Is this couple doomed? According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, this couple may simply have a language barrier.

Dr. Chapman explains that after many years of counseling, he noticed that everyone has a “love language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own. (Of course!)

Based on his research, he discovered five primary love languages. They are:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

So, for the couple listed above. The wife's language is acts of service, and the husband's is words of affirmation. Instead of using words of affirmation to build her husband up, the wife is tearing him down by complaining about all of the help he is not giving her. Because to her, when you love someone, you help them.

Her complaining is her cry for help, but her spouse does not see it that way. He sees it as criticism, because words of affirmation are important to him. So, instead of answering her pleas for help, he is running the other way -- away from the criticism.

But, once this couple learned what their love languages were and how to speak the other's love language, their marriage started to heal and improve. Today they report their marriage is better than ever! How awesome is that?

Here's a link to the book if you're interested! You can also take an online quiz to help you discover your love language.

I would also like to mention that these languages apply to children, friends and family too! Can you imagine how much better our relationships could be if we knew the love languages of everyone around us?

The New Thank You Card Tradition?

Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This has happened to us twice now. The first time, I just thought, "curious." But the second time, it lit a fire inside me, so I thought I'd blog about it and see what other people think.

Twice now, we have attended a kids birthday party and left the party with a pre-written thank you note in hand. The note says something like, "thank you for coming to my birthday party." It has, obviously, no mention of a gift, because it was written before the party -- before they knew what gift they received. Before they could even tell us why they enjoyed the gift or how much they enjoyed the gift.

I just have to say I hope this is not a new tradition. I think there is a huge amount of value in teaching children it is important to sincerely say "thank you" when you receive a gift.

The reason we have a birthday party is to celebrate another year of life, which is truly something to be grateful for. We give gifts to each other to show our love for each other. I think those gifts deserve thank you's.

I know times are changing and people are busier than ever before, but I think we still need to be teaching our children the value and importance of properly thanking people for their generosity. What do you think? Please post your comments below.

The Experiences Kids Give Us Make Life So Rich

Zach, the praying mantis!

Over the Christmas break, we drove to Nashville to visit family. Before the trip the discussions began about what to do about our pet Zach -- Tyler's praying mantis. He found him at school a few months ago and has been taking care of him ever since.

We considered leaving Zach with a friend, but Tyler was having a hard time with this. He was also worried about how Zach would do on a nine-hour drive in the cold.

Mostly, it turned out, Tyler did not want to leave Zach behind. So, the day before the trip, he called his Aunt Laura to ask if it would be OK to bring Zach with us to her house. Luckily for Tyler, she said yes.

So, off went the Haisman family with a praying mantis in tow on a nine-hour drive to Nashville. I found myself enjoying the oddity of the experience a couple of times during the trip as we snuck him into a restaurant and our hotel.

The craziest part was the morning we were leaving our hotel to finish our trip to Nashville. Tyler noticed Zach (or shall we say Zacherella) was laying an egg sack. That was quite a surprise, considering we thought she was a he. All four of us were jubilant over it, though! How exciting and unexpected! And the timing -- while on a road trip -- incredible!

We hated to disrupt this maternal moment, but we also wanted to get on the road. So, we very gently put the praying mantis cage in a re-usable shopping bag and carried it carefully down the elevator and past the front desk in the lobby -- hoping not to disrupt the egg-laying process. I was the lucky one who got to carry the cage.

As we were leaving the hotel, Tyler sent Aunt Laura a text message to see if there would be room for about 400 more praying mantises. I was trying to be so delicate with Zacherella, when Laura responded back with a message that had me laughing so hard it freaked Tyler out. She made a hilarious reference to the baby cow we saw being born at a farm during last year's Nashville trip. (I guess our family has a knack for finding themselves in these amazing moments only Mother Nature could provide!)

While it was funny to me, Tyler about died as he saw me laughing so hard while holding the poor praying mantis who was trying to lay her eggs. He kept trying to take the cage away from me, but I wouldn't let him for fear it would end up in the cage lying on the ground!

Anyway, it all worked out. Zacherella is fine. The egg sack is in the garage in the cold to preserve it for spring. We have no idea what to expect with that -- if anything at all.

But, I just had to laugh as I thought about how rich this experience was for our entire family. Kids add so much fun and spice to life. Before having children, I never would have imagined sneaking a praying mantis into a restaurant or hotel -- or even having one for a pet for that matter. Fun times! I just love my kids!

Do you ever have such a productive day or evening that you end up feeling energized at the end of it instead of exhausted?

I had one of those nights last night. We spent the day with family, so I felt fulfilled in that sense. But when my "me time" arrived, around 8 p.m., I felt no energy.

Image: 89studio / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I was so disappointed, because I was really looking forward to being productive. I almost gave up and sat down to veg out on the sofa, but instead I drank a glass of water and decided to just do ONE thing.

After I did that, I felt energy, so I kept on going. They were all little, mindless things -- I had to mend a couple of items, reprint a Christmas card label that was wrong, put away some clothes, go through my email, get organized with the school papers for today, etc...I was shocked at how much I got done after I started my evening thinking I had no energy.

While I was mending, I listened to a Focus on the Family episode, which gave me the feeling of accomplishing two things at once! It happened to be a humorous topic, so that made it more enjoyable!

What surprised me most was how great I felt when I got into bed. Instead of feeling exhausted, I felt fulfilled. I had crossed several things off my to-do list and even nourished my soul with the Focus on the Family episode. Awesome!

That was a great lesson to remind me to:
1. Drink more water! and
2. Just try to do ONE thing when I think I can't do anything!

How do you make it through when you feel no energy?

It's the simple things in life

This morning, Alyssa surprised us by coming downstairs from her room all dressed and ready to go to school. Oh. My. Gosh! What a surprise! What joy! Wow!

She was joyful, too!

I asked her how this happened. She said she heard Tyler getting ready, so she decided to get up and sneak him into her bedroom so he could help her get dressed.

Oh my gosh! I'm grinning from ear-to-ear. What a great start to my day.

Our usual mornings consist of me waking her up at 6:30. Bringing her downstairs. Serving her breakfast. Reminding her to take a bite every minute or so. Accompanying her back upstairs to get dressed and brush her teeth and hair. And constantly reminding her to stay on track. It's very annoying and labor intensive for me.

So, this morning, I celebrate! Yeahhhhhh! (And overlook the fact that she forgot to make her bed.) LOL!

Where have I been?

Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Where have I been for the past couple of weeks? Why haven't I posted any new blogs? Well, three weeks ago, I took on a project that apparently created a whole lot of stress in my life.

What's funny is that this project wasn't big. In fact, it was quite small. I thought I would just fit it in, and everything would be fine. I was excited to do a good job with it. I think the project itself went fine, but I've had a rough couple of weeks and have found myself not feeling as happy and excited about life as usual.

This morning while I was journaling about it, I realized I have been in a great, big learning experience.

Here's what I discovered by taking just a few minutes to sit down and reflect:

This was a test from the Divine Broadcast System. I think this was a test to see if I am really wanting to go forward with how God wants me to use my gifts, or if I will fall into old, "comfortable" habits. I feel like by accepting the project, I failed the test, but I understand I had to receive this experience to know better. The project seemed to be a good fit, but it wasn't, and I knew that deep down from the start. I should have said, "No, thank you."

Mental stress causes physical stress. It has been scientifically proven that mental stress causes physical dis-ease. The day after I accepted the project, I hurt my neck and had to go to the chiropractor. She sent me for x-rays and found I have an injury in my cervical spine, most likely from a car accident 20 years ago, that never healed properly. Although my recovery will be an uphill trek, I am grateful this problem was caught now, instead of later. Can you say blessing in disguise?

Stress is draining. Over the past three weeks, I have felt exhausted, stressed, tired, overwhelmed, forgetful, and less than present in my moments. I have found it more difficult to connect with the important people in my life. It's not that I didn't experience any joy during this time, it was just more difficult to manifest with the stress of a new project, the energy my body needed to begin to heal my neck, and the multitude of other obligations I had going on at the time.

Taking on projects outside my passion keeps me from doing what I love best. Over the past few weeks, I have not had the time or energy to devote to writing my blog or updating my Facebook status to motivate my life coaching clients. These are activities I look forward to and that feed my soul.

I believe in making the most out of every day -- and every experience. Now that I am through it, I see this experience for what it was worth and I am grateful and ready to move on!

Do you know how to apologize?

I am so excited! I heard a FANTASTIC radio segment on Focus on the Family this week. It was about the book, The Five Languages of Apology, by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Jennifer Thomas.

Image: nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Before this week, I thought forgiveness was simply about saying "I'm sorry," and being forgiven, but it turns out there are five different ways to say "I'm sorry." The amazing thing about this is that if someone offers you an apology that omits your apology language, you won't fully accept it or even recognize it as an apology.

The five languages of apology are:
1. Expressing regret -- saying, "I'm sorry for the hurt I caused."
2. Accepting responsibility -- saying, "I was wrong."
3. Making restitution -- asking, "What can I do to make things right?"
4. Genuinely repenting -- saying, "I will try not to do it again."
5. Requesting forgiveness -- asking, "Will you please forgive me?"

Some people just need to hear you are sorry, while others need you to ask for forgiveness. If you've really done something wrong, you might need to use all five languages in your apology.

Apologizing is one of the most important tools for building and maintaining relationships in life. I think this is one of those books everyone should read. Can you imagine a world where every human being knows how to properly apologize for hurting others?

If you're interested, check out the online quiz to find out your apology language. The quiz itself is very interesting.

You can also learn more by reading the book, The Five Languages of Apology. I ordered my copy today, and I can't wait to delve into it more!

I should be on the cover of a magazine

I realized this morning I should be on the cover of a magazine -- the cover story for why moms need to take care of themselves.

Image: sixninepixels / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have been ignoring some issues in my back and neck for a couple of months now -- knowing I needed to get to a chiropractor to be seen. But I put it off for all of the same reasons moms put off taking care of themselves. Unfortunately, I put it off long enough to let it literally snap me into crisis mode yesterday.

I made one quick move at 5:30 in the morning -- that my body was not awake enough to compensate for -- and wham. Instant pain. Pain that causes eyes to well up with tears and stomachs to turn over. Pain that causes a mom to think, "How am I going to take care of my kids today?"

As a result of putting off something that should have been looked into ages ago, I spent the better part of the day at the chiropractor's office and getting x-rays. Not to mention in pain. I feel like a lost an entire day. If only I would have taken care of this sooner.

So, as I sit here writing this with an ice pack on my neck, I'm still thinking on the positive side. Although painful, this experience has been a great learning lesson for me. I need to take care of myself. No matter what else is going on. When I know something is amiss, I will do myself and my family a great deal of good to have it taken care of right away. I hope you will do the same!

My musings about the use of animals for entertainment in the circus

Yesterday I went on a field trip to the circus with Alyssa's class. I was not very excited about going, honestly.

Somewhere along the line of my life I have lost my fondness for the circus, so yesterday I decided to pay attention to why that might be. I don't mean to bash the circus, only to share my thoughts.

First of all, I just don't get the point of a circus. Obviously entertainment, but it's not that entertaining for me. What I really discovered is that I don't like the animal "performances."

The tigers looked fat and unfit. And they appeared terrified of the trainer. They kept hissing at him too. It was very weird and uncomfortable. I felt bad for them.

Then they brought out two different types of horses and several zebras. They were beautiful. I can sort of see why horses...they're pretty domesticated...but zebras? I think they belong in the wild.

Then the elephants. I am amazed by elephants, but it pained me to watch them be paraded around and forced to perform tricks like standing on their heads. I especially cringed when they made them lay down...that appears to take a lot of effort for an elephant.

So why do I feel this way? Am I being too analytical? Am I having trouble shutting off my adult mind? Do I need to try to look at the circus through the eyes of a child? I don't exactly know.

I do know this. I have a huge appreciation for nature and God's creatures. I love marveling at them in the wild -- their natural setting. That's amazing enough for me. I'm just not sure we should be forcing them to do tricks for our entertainment.

Airing my dirty laundry publicly

As many moms do, I struggle with how to get everything done, but I've had a recent epiphany that is making my life easier and more enjoyable, so I wanted to share.

For the record, I realize it's highly possible I'm the last one to jump on board this train, but just in case I'm not, I wanted to share with you.

I'm 3 weeks into doing a load of laundry every day instead of waiting until Sunday to do it all, and I'm liking it! It's working!

Why on earth was I waiting until Sunday to do all of the laundry? Well, for starters, I didn't like doing laundry, so I didn't want to do it any more often than necessary. Plus, I am a "check it off the list" kind of a girl, and I thought if I did all of the laundry on one day, then I could check it off my list, and it was done for the week.

But that left drudgery to look forward to every Sunday -- not only was the weekend ending, but now I had 7 large loads of laundry to wash, dry, fold and put away in one night. Sometimes it rolled over into Monday morning, which I really hated.

So, why the switch? Well, I have some friends who do laundry this way, and I recently read about it as a tip in Darla Shine's Happy Housewives book.

What I have discovered is that by doing one load each day I can still satisfy my need to check something off the list. One load of laundry each day. Check. Done! As an added bonus, each load is smaller since I'm doing it more frequently. Yippee!

The only negative thing I have noticed is that it's more difficult to complete on the days I am not working from home. But when that has happened, I just did two loads the next day. No big deal.

I'm so excited about this change and how it's making my life easier. Even though I have added one more item to my daily to-do list, I actually feel more productive because of it!

So, there you have it. Now the whole world knows about my dirty laundry!

Do moms feel like they lose themselves by design?

A few days ago I wrote about an amazing moms retreat I attended. Today I want to expand on one of the topics we discussed, because I think it's important for all moms to think about.

Me and my kiddos on a lunch date!

The discussion was about how we as moms lose ourselves after having children. You don't really realize it is happening, it just seems to be a slow death of the woman you once were before having children. Then you wake up one day and look in the mirror and have no idea who you are looking at.

In some respects, that is good, because once you have children, you will never be the same woman.

But it's painful to feel like we lose touch with our true selves. That we forget what we like to do in our "free" time. Or as we moms like to call it, our "me" time.

As moms we crave this "me" time, but when we suddenly get it, we don't even know what to do with it. Plus, we feel guilty about taking it.

In the earlier days of having small children, I can remember wasting at least half of my "me" time just trying to figure out what to do. That was so frustrating.

When we talk about this as moms, it is as if we have done something wrong. That we have let ourselves go by not paying attention. While on some level this may be true, I would like to think about it more positively.

Maybe this "low" of motherhood is really a high. Maybe it's part of "growing up" -- a natural progression of life. Maybe through losing ourselves we are actually finding ourselves. Maybe this loss is something we all have to go through so we can become more aware of who we really are ... and what our gifts are ... and why we are here.

It can be all of that if we want it to be. I think the important point in this conversation is that once you wake up and realize you have lost yourself, it's time to start taking action to reconnect with yourself. That woman is still there, you just need to spend some time rediscovering her.

I believe the experience of motherhood is shaping me into the woman I want to be. I believe that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. I trust in the process and know that everything will turn out as it should. I hope the same for you!

Are you your spouse's friend?

Image: Photostock/Freedigitalphotos.net

I overheard a conversation at the park between a man and a woman this week that got me thinking.

They were acquaintances -- from what I could tell -- and they were being so nice to each other. Like trying really hard to be helpful and provide information about kids and parenting and the like. They were seriously trying to be nice -- on their best behavior -- like when you are making a new friend.

Their interaction made me think about marriage and what happens over time. How people stop trying so hard to be nice and helpful and thoughtful. How sometimes couples stop being "friends" and turn into roommates.

I thought about how amazing that conversation would have been if that couple was married. If they always spoke to each other like that. And if they always went out of their way to be nice to each other -- like they do when they are making a new friend.

I think a whole lot of marriages could be better off if people treated their spouses as good as they treat people they are meeting for the first time. This is definitely something Paul and I have worked on in our marriage, and I can tell you it makes a big difference!

How's that for food for thought? I think it's a good chance to look at how we are behaving in our marriages. I'd love to hear feedback on this topic!

Retreat teaches moms how to take better care of themselves

I went to a mom's retreat yesterday that really got me energized!

It was an intimate retreat with only 10 moms, plus the three speakers. The women ranged in age from mid-twenties to early 50's. (Yes, moms in their mid-twenties! Yikes!) This group of moms was awesome, impressive and inspiring. I can't say enough about them.

The group was very diverse in age, occupation and backgrounds, but we had much in common as moms. It was encouraging to hear other women's stories of how they approach motherhood and the experiences they have been through. We laughed about the funny stuff and supported each other through the tough stuff.

I think part of why I feel so great about the retreat is that the organizers did an excellent job of helping us get to know each other before the sessions started. That set the atmosphere in the room, because we were already pretty-well acquainted with one another by the time we got to the sessions.

We heard from three speakers: Lori Radun, a life coach from Momnificent; Beth Aldrich, a healthy lifestyle and nutrition expert and author of Real Moms Love to Eat; and Saren Eyre Loosli, a trainer and founder of Power of Moms.

Saren shared with us about her great website and all of the helpful resources it has to offer. I would say whenever you find yourself struggling with something in motherhood, head on over to this site for some practical tips and advice! Good stuff!

Lori spoke to us about boundaries -- a topic I was excited to hear about, because it's something I have been working on over the past few years. Boundaries can be tricky, because they are different for everyone, but if we don't learn to set boundaries for ourselves, we will very quickly find ourselves frazzled, frustrated and resentful.

Finally, Beth taught us about feeding our body and soul with a lifestyle and foods that are good for us. It was a very easy-to-grasp, holistic approach to taking care of ourselves. Loved it! Then, she served us a delicious, healthy, satisfying lunch! (Wonder if there are any left-overs! Beth, I'm coming over!)

Being a mom is the most difficult thing many of us women will do. It's such a big job, and there are no text books. It's so nice to know that we're not alone. We're not the only ones struggling. And that there are people out there who care and are willing to help. I left this special retreat feeling even more motivated to continue my work as a life coach in inspiring other women!

The Haismans had a case of the Mondays

How did your Monday morning start off? I have to be honest, we usually start really smooth around here, but today wasn't quite that story.

I thought I started smoothly -- got up before the kids to get ready, and had already prepared their snacks and water the night before! Yeah, me!

But, Tyler was all upset about his hair not looking right. Then he put on the wrong school uniform for today and had to completely change. All of this caused him to be too late to ride the bus to school, which caused him to be quite whiny.

Alyssa sat at the kitchen table for nearly 20 minutes doing absolutely nothing except complaining that what she wanted for breakfast was not available. This caused her to have to rush for the rest of the morning. Then, as we were pulling out of the driveway I looked up into her bedroom and noticed her bedroom light was on. (That's a major offense in our house!)

Also, we couldn't find one of the library books that is due today. I looked for it Saturday, yesterday and this morning with no luck. Why is it always the library books that go missing?

Anyway, I talked to the kids on the way to school about them having to do better in the morning. We get up plenty early to get ready without rushing, but there is no time for wasting.

I very purposefully create a loving, peaceful atmosphere in the mornings. I want my children to start their day calm, not in a state of panic and frantic rushing around to get out the door. This morning I even had a candle lit before the crabbiness ensued.

I do feel somewhat responsible for the rough morning though, because we had a pretty busy weekend. I think when the kids don't get enough down-time, it's more difficult for them to pull everything together on Monday morning. Last night we got home with just enough time for them to brush teeth, get in their jammies, say prayers and get in bed. They had no time to relax. I think that would have been helpful.

So, now the kids are at school, and I am getting a few things done. I put dinner in the crock pot so I can assist with homework and keep things low key this afternoon. Oh, and I found the book, by the way, it was in Alyssa's closet inside a purse! :)

Here's to a more peaceful Monday afternoon!

A letter to my 5-year-old about riding the school bus for the first time

Here it comes!

Dear Alyssa,

Here we are at the beginning of your kindergarten year. That, in and of itself, is a big milestone, and we have both been so excited about it. You are growing up very fast, and I am so proud of you. This is going to be a great year!

Last week after much begging, I let Tyler ride the school bus for the first time. When I said, "yes" to his request, I knew you were going go want to ride it, too -- and that I'd probably have to say, "yes" to you, as well.

The facts are these my little angel: Tyler is eight. Tyler is a boy. You are five. You are a girl. Yes, you are a big girl, but you will always be my little girl. And you are my youngest child.

Getting on!

Some of the other kindergarten moms thought I was crazy to let you ride the bus. Others wondered why I wouldn't let you ride it.

Everyone -- friends and family -- cracked up when they heard I met the bus at school to see your bright, shining face as you got off of it. I laughed too! I guess it is kind of funny! But, why wouldn't I? I love to see you happy. And I love to see you so excited about getting to do big kid things!

When I finally gave in and said you could ride the bus, I was in the kitchen and you were standing at the top of the stairs looking over the railing at me with hopeful eyes. As I very quietly said, "yes," you started jumping up and down and screaming with glee. Then you ran right into your room to get your shoes and socks on. It made me feel soooo fulfilled to see you that excited! I think I will always remember that moment.

Speaking of moments, another doozie was that day in the car this week when you were talking to me about riding the bus, and I said, "I'm not ready for you to ride the bus." Then you so matter-of-factly replied, "But mom, I'm ready."

Arriving at school!

Well, Alyssa, I know. I know you are ready. You are so totally ready. But mommy will never be ready to let go of her little girl -- even for such a small thing as to take a 10-minute bus ride to school.

I just want you to know that I love you with every fiber of my being and that I like driving you to school. So if you ever decide you don't want to ride the bus, I'll gladly take you there.

Love,
Mommy

From the Mouths of 8th Graders

I have been blessed with the opportunity to bring my life coaching gig to the 8th grade students at Tyler and Alyssa's school.

I've been given four 40-minute classes -- one a week for four weeks. Truthfully, it's not much time, but I'm doing my best to impart some life skills on these kids.

The first week we talked about discovering their gifts (both God-given and learned). Last week we talked about the Law of Attraction (What you focus on, you receive). This week we talked about relationships -- mostly the dating kind (yes, they are dating in 8th grade).

I used the upcoming nuptials of Prince William and Catherine Middleton to start the conversation, and to capture their attention, I showed them the T-mobile spoof of the royal wedding.

Then, we got down to the serious business of talking about relationships and why they can be so difficult ... about how movies make it look like "happily ever after" is easy ... about what each of us can do to ensure we have healthy relationships ... and so much more in our 40 minutes. But what impressed me the most was the insight of these kids.

I asked them each to come up with one piece of advice for the royal couple. Seriously. Out of the mouths of 8th graders came these very basic, but sensible pieces of advice:

• Respect each other
• Allow each other space to be his/her own person and spend time with their friends
• Love each other
• Support each other
• Help each other
• Don't cheat
• Don't lie
• Be honest with each other
• Have fun
• Spend time together
• Find a hobby to do together
• Laugh together
• Communicate with each other
• Don't fight
• Appreciate each other

I thought these were all great reminders, and I was really impressed with these kids for having this knowledge so young. I also find it funny that I'm there to teach them, but somehow I always walk away feeling like I've learned something, too! Awesome!