How to Teach Your Children to Think Before They Speak

I use this verse with my children to explain we must use our words to build each other up, not tear each other down. 

Words are very powerful. They are a reflection of what is in our hearts and minds. Once said, they can not be taken back. 

As part of their First Communion workshop at school this week, Alyssa and her classmates will be using tubes of toothpaste to illustrate this point. The students will squeeze toothpaste out from the tube and find that it does not go back in -- just like words once they are spoken. What a great visual!

Every time you have a thought -- and before the words come out of your mouth -- you have an opportunity to evaluate whether they will build up or tear down. 

Be a Student of Your Children

While listening to a Focus on the Family interview with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages of Children, the host spoke these words that really struck me as true, "As a parent, it is our job to be a student of our children so we can know how God has wired them." This will allow us to parent them better.

Misbehavior is a Request for Love

When your child misbehaves, he is really asking, through his behavior, "Do you love me?" If you respond, "Yes, I love you," with your words and actions, you will fill up his love tank, take the pressure off and make it unnecessary for him to continue testing your love. This will likely correct the behavior. Another great piece of wisdom from the 5 Love Languages of Children.

Help Create Peace in Relationships by Using Requests Instead of Commands

Another wise thought from the 5 Love Languages of Children ... The difference between a command and a request: "Say thank you to your father," or "Would you say thank you to your father?" A request is more soothing, wards off anger and keeps us more positive and pleasant.

Inspiration and Photos

I got a new camera for my birthday, so I've been taking lots of fun pictures! I have found I most love watching and capturing wildlife.

I've been having some fun lately pairing up my photography with inspirational quotes. I share them mostly on my Love of Life Coaching page on Facebook, but I thought I'd post a few here, too! Enjoy!

This little guy visits our back yard daily!

I love how beautiful these bright flowers look next to the rustic shed.

This is my son jumping into the pool at his Grandma and Grandpa's house.

The Way We Talk To Our Children

A friend of mine has this quote displayed in her kitchen.

"The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. Discipline with soft words."

I love this reminder. Words are so powerful. As are the tone they are spoken with.

As parents, we yield quite a bit of power to influence our children's inner thoughts. We can influence the first thoughts they think when they wake up in the morning, the last thoughts before they go to bed at night ... and many thoughts in between.

This motto is easy to keep when everything is sailing smoothly, but the challenge comes when things are tense or when we are disciplining our children -- those times when anger or frustration is present. 

I also love the verse she has written above it, "Encourage one another and build each other up." That is what Jesus commands us to do. We must use our words to build people up, rather than tear them down.

Some examples of negatively using our words with our children are phrases such as these: "I can't believe you did that." or "What is the matter with you?" or "How could you do that?" or "You're a bad boy." or "You're so stupid." If this is how we speak to our children, these are the messages they will replay over and over in their minds throughout their lives. I don't know about you, but that is not how I want my children thinking about themselves.

Here's a personal example. The other night, we were trying to decide if we were going to go out for dinner or stay home. Tyler had a meltdown in the middle of it, because he wanted to stay home, but he also wanted to go out. He just couldn't decide. 

My husband got very frustrated by Tyler's tears and indecision and used some of the phrases I mentioned above. Rightfully so, Paul was frustrated with the situation. He doesn't like to see Tyler get upset over something seemingly so small. But what good do those phrases do in building up a child? Don't they just make the child feel worse?

I took a different approach that night by gently asking Tyler questions about why he was so upset and why he wanted to stay home. Wouldn't you know it, within a minute or two he came to the decision that he would like to go out. (I'm so glad he did! We had the best time!)

I'm not saying I always perform this well as a parent. And I'm not throwing Paul under the bus by sharing this example! He's on board! But, I share the story, because little lessons like these can help us all use our words to build up our children, instead of tear them down.

Teaching Children about the Big Impact of Small Acts of Kindness

Recently, the kids and I were at Potbelly getting lunch. As I was standing in line to place our order, Tyler, my nine-year-old, walked out of the line to find a table. He happened to cross paths with a little girl his age who was carrying a tray of empty cups and wrappers to the garbage.

Unexpectedly, her tray tipped a little, and a cup fell off of it. In slow motion, I watched the look on her face, which said something like, "Oh no, what am I going to do now?" She looked around the restaurant for help.

Then I watched Tyler as he contemplated what to do. He looked at her and at the cup on the floor. Then he bent down, picked up the cup and put it back on her tray.

Even though the exchange was very brief, it seemed as though time stood still. I had enough time to appreciate the point of view of both children and feel immense joy as I watched my child do something nice for another child.

I even had enough time to wonder if there was more to this story than just one child helping another. Who knows, maybe Tyler and that girl will meet again some day, and she'll say, "Hey, you're the kid who picked up my cup for me at Potbelly."

Honestly, I was not planning on writing a blog about this, because it was such a minor, every day experience -- it's not like he saved her life. But then I remembered that that is what my blog is all about -- making memories out of every day.

And I realized that Tyler's small act of kindness could have made a big impact on that little girl, her parents and anyone else in the restaurant who saw it. It certainly made a big impact on me, and I made sure Tyler knew how sweet it was, too.

So, I am sharing this story because I believe it is vital to take the time to notice and appreciate the small, every day positive experiences in life. Otherwise, life may just pass us by.

The Summer Bucket List

For moms, summer can be a real test -- the kids are home from school all day, every day -- unless you send them to camp, of course. Our kids do attend a couple of weeks of summer camp, but the rest is up to mom!

Although we all look forward to the break from school, it takes a lot of endurance and planning to keep the summer happily humming along.

Tyler and Alyssa making the summer bucket list!

This year we decided to try something new -- a visual summer bucket list. We sat down together at the beginning of the summer and made a list of all of the fun things we wanted to do. Then, we wrote them on small sheets of construction paper, assembled them as a collage on a bulletin board and hung it up in the kitchen.

We checked things off our list as summer went along, and with only three weeks of summer vacation left, I can report that we will get to almost all of them. How exciting!

Anything we don't get to can certainly be carried over into fall! In fact, I like this idea so much, I think I may keep it going for a while -- I don't know about you, but I'm the kind of gal who needs visual, in your face reminders -- and lots of them! That's why this board, displayed so prominently in my kitchen, was so helpful.

The other thing that was great about it was that everyone got to have a say in what they wanted to do this summer, so it created a sense of equality. Plus, the act of making the board was a fun project. It also created the sense of living our summer with intention.

It's been such a wonderful summer, but I still think we will all be ready for the school year to start!

I'd love to hear from you about how you keep your summer fun and interesting!

A couple of people have asked me to share some of our ideas ... so here you go!

• Go out for ice cream
• Work on scrapbooks
• Grill out with the neighbors
• Purge from under the bathroom sinks (yes, we put a few work-related things on there, too!)
• Chicago Botanic Garden
• Menchies Frozen Yogurt
• Go to the library
• Catch fireflies
• Organize the craft closet
• D'Agostinos Pizza
• Field Museum
• Painting pottery
• Six Flags Great America
• Cooking fun in the kitchen -- trying new kid friendly recipes
• Visit a farm
• Ice skating
• Roller skating
• Try Marco's Pizza for the first time
• Swimming at the pool
• Downtown Chicago 
• Arlington Park Horse Races
• Bowling
• Try Smashburger for the first time
• Go berry picking