The 5 Love Languages ... Which Animal Are You?

I'm reading this great book called The Noticer right now. The main character relates four of The Five Love Languages to animals. I found it to be a great depiction. See if you can relate:

Physical Touch -- A cat. Cats are creatures of physical contact. Cats don't pay attention to what you say. They don't come when you call them -- so no need for words of affirmation. Cats just want to be rubbed or scratched. And how they show love is by rubbing against you. "Touch me," the cat is saying!

Words of Affirmation -- A puppy. Puppies love to hear you speak to them about how wonderful they are. Their whole body wags when you speak kindly to them. And if you use an angry tone with them, puppies cower as if they are under attack. 

Quality Time -- A canary. A canary doesn't pay attention to who gives it food or water. It doesn't care what you say to it. It doesn't need to be touched. A canary is happiest when you sit and listen carefully to its song. A canary that is ignored will die.

Acts of Service -- A goldfish. Why? Because a goldfish can't hear you to listen for words of affirmation. You can't pet it and give it physical touch. It just loves for you to feed it and keep its water clean.

Gifts -- the author does not address this language in the book. If you had to pick an animal, what would you say?

If you want to know more about this philosophy about relationships, read The 5 Love Languages and join me for a book club this May. 

Click here to sign up! Also, take the Quiz to discover your love language here. Click here to order a copy of the book.

Tune Up Your Marriage with the 5 Love Languages

Your marriage is like a car. It needs to be tuned-up and maintained in order to run properly. 

That is why Dr. Gary Chapman wrote The 5 Love Languages, a bestselling book that helps couples identify, understand and speak their spouse's primary love language.

By learning the five love languages -- quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch -- you and your spouse will discover your unique love languages and learn practical steps in truly loving each other. 

I am an advocate of this well-written, easy-to-read book and have used it in my own marriage. Many of my clients have also raved about the impacts this book has had on their marriage.

Join me for a fun, uplifting discussion about how to keep your marriage running smoothly.

Sessions will be held at the St. James Parish offices at 820 N. Arlington Heights Road in Arlington Heights on the following dates:

Thursday, May 15, 7 – 9 p.m.
Wednesday, May 21, 7 - 9 p.m.

Click here to sign up. Also, take the Quiz to discover your love language here. Click here to order a copy of the book.

Be a Student of Your Children

While listening to a Focus on the Family interview with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages of Children, the host spoke these words that really struck me as true, "As a parent, it is our job to be a student of our children so we can know how God has wired them." This will allow us to parent them better.

Making Homework Time More Peaceful

This year the kids both have a sizable amount of homework -- Tyler's takes about an hour, and Alyssa's takes about half an hour.

For these first few weeks of school, we've been doing homework together -- both kids at the same time, but I was starting to notice that they each needed enough of me that there was not enough of me to go around.

It was starting to cause frustration for all of us, because we all just wanted this homework thing to be done so we could get to playing!

I came to my senses yesterday and presented this challenge and my feelings about it to the kids for their help in solving it.

We threw out some solutions, including 1) them being more patient with me and each other and we still do it together or 2) we have one child do their homework at a time.

They decided they would like to split it up so each child gets their own time with mom on homework.

For any of you who have read The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, both of my kids speak the love language of quality time, so, this choice was not a surprise.

Tyler piped up and said he would prefer to go first since it stresses him out to let his homework linger. Alyssa said it didn't matter if she went first or second. Wow! That was easy! Yippee!

So, today was our first day of splitting it up, and it went much better than previous days! So much more peaceful. Whew. I am not sure if this is exactly how we will continue, but at least for now while we are still adjusting to the new school year, this may help alleviate some after school stress for all of us.

So, here it is ... about 4:00, both kids are done with homework and playing independently and I have time to write this blog! Feels good!

I'm not sure how other moms handle this situation, but hopefully our solution is helpful information for some of you. Happy Thursday!

The 5 Love Languages Can Save Marriages!

So, there is this couple having trouble in their marriage. The wife says, "I cook for him. I clean for him. I bring his shirts to the cleaners. I take care of the kids all by myself morning, noon and night. He doesn't ever help me. I just don't think he loves me."

The husband says, "All she ever does is criticize me. She is always complaining. I don't know what I need to do to make her happy."

What's going on here? Is this couple doomed? According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, this couple may simply have a language barrier.

Dr. Chapman explains that after many years of counseling, he noticed that everyone has a “love language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own. (Of course!)

Based on his research, he discovered five primary love languages. They are:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

So, for the couple listed above. The wife's language is acts of service, and the husband's is words of affirmation. Instead of using words of affirmation to build her husband up, the wife is tearing him down by complaining about all of the help he is not giving her. Because to her, when you love someone, you help them.

Her complaining is her cry for help, but her spouse does not see it that way. He sees it as criticism, because words of affirmation are important to him. So, instead of answering her pleas for help, he is running the other way -- away from the criticism.

But, once this couple learned what their love languages were and how to speak the other's love language, their marriage started to heal and improve. Today they report their marriage is better than ever! How awesome is that?

Here's a link to the book if you're interested! You can also take an online quiz to help you discover your love language.

I would also like to mention that these languages apply to children, friends and family too! Can you imagine how much better our relationships could be if we knew the love languages of everyone around us?