The Prayer of St. Francis

© Can Stock Photo Inc. / tolokonov

Just sharing a little motivation today. One of the best ways to gain happiness in life is to serve others.

Especially if you are feeling down in the dumps or depressed -- try to forget your own problems for a while and help others with theirs. It will feel like a magic formula.

I think the Prayer of St. Francis says it best.

Enjoy!

We Can Create What We Want In Life

"We create our lives with our thoughts, beliefs and expectations. We create by repeating the behavior patterns that feel comfortable and familiar, whether or not they are productive. We create by conscious choice -- focused activity that moves us toward exactly what we want. We create by unconscious choice -- activity without focus and intent." Iyanla Vanzant

© Can Stock Photo Inc. / tolokonov

What is it you wish to create in your life? More love? More peace? More joy?

Take one action step today in that direction. 

Here's a little hint -- you get what you give. 

So, if you would like to receive more love, the key is to give more love. 

If you would like to feel more peaceful, you could try to bring peace into a stressful situation.

If you are seeking more joy, perhaps you could create a joyful moment for another today.

All of these things will bring the same quality back to you.

Is the First to Forgive Really the Strongest?

Recently I saw a quote on Facebook that I immediately replied "Amen!" to. But, since then I've been thinking about it more deeply, and I'm not so sure about it, based on the "true stories" I have experienced in my life.

I agree with the obvious gist -- forgive, forget and apologize. Yes! Of course! We should all be working on these things, but I emphasize "working," because forgiveness is a process, not something that can be flipped on by a switch.

There is nothing wrong with taking time to process hurt feelings before offering apologies or forgiveness, and taking this time does not make you any less strong than the person who apologized or forgave first. What is most important is that you are working on it. Forgiveness is one of the most important life lessons we have to learn.

I believe people who take time to get their inner emotional house in order before handling conflict are very strong people, because they are waiting to address the situation until they know they are in the right place to handle it. Sometimes handling things before you are ready only creates more chaos.

Having said that though, I do want to point out it is important we actually do work on any forgiveness issues we have, because carrying unforgiveness in our hearts is toxic to ourselves and those around us.

As far as "forgetting," that's only for the little things -- maybe pesky little arguments -- but the big things are never forgotten. They are left behind as battle wounds that influence how we view and handle almost everything in our lives. Those experiences are part of what make us who we are.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't think it should be a race to see who can be the first to apologize, forgive or forget so we can have the title of being the bravest, strongest or happiest. Yes, we should all be working toward forgiveness, but we don't need to pressure ourselves or allow others to pressure us to handle situations before we are ready.

Perhaps the best choice we can make when we find ourselves in a situation that requires apologies or forgiveness would be to apply the virtues of grace, kindness, mercy and compassion -- toward ourselves and the other person.

The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in mercy. Psalm 145:8

Warning: Showing Appreciation to Your Husband May Cause Surprising Creativity

A couple of years ago, my husband started making the bed in the morning. It think this came shortly after he learned one of my primary love languages is acts of service.

He was really funny about it in the beginning -- he wouldn't admit that he had done it. To show my appreciation, I would send him a text message to say thank you. He would respond with something like, "I don't know what you are talking about. Must have been the elves."

I thought it was pretty interesting that he would do something so nice for me, but not directly own up to it.

The story doesn't end there, though. Apparently, Paul has gotten bored of making the bed in the normal fashion, so he has started arranging the pillows in different patterns every day. Still blames the elves.

As a woman with a first-born, Type-A personality, do I care that the pillows are arranged in a different order every day? Surprisingly, not at all! It's fun! I look forward to seeing what he has done each morning, plus it's been a great conversation piece.

Why am I sharing this silly story with you? Of course, because it has a lesson! It demonstrates a vital and serious component of marriage -- appreciation.

In her book, For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn said, "Very few things are as powerful to a man as feeling that he has tried something, accomplished it, done it well, and someone noticed."

She continues to explain that hearing, "Thank you," "You did a great job" or "You are such a great dad" is far more emotionally powerful to a man than hearing "I love you."

So, when my husband did something nice for me, I showed him my love and appreciation by expressing sincere gratitude. Apparently I did that very well, because it encouraged him to take the task to a whole new level with surprising creativity!

But I've got a a little secret ... just between you and me. Sometimes I would like to "adjust" the bedspread a little after he makes the bed. You know, to make it perfect! As hard as it is, though, I usually do not touch it, because I don't want to tell him his job is not good enough.

When we thank our man, but tell him how he could have done it better, we dilute our "thank you" with criticism and make him feel like nothing he does is good enough. It's like saying, "You tried...and failed."

Simple appreciation is powerful! Just say, "Thank you!"

How to Nurture Yourself -- Mind, Body & Spirit

Many of us women do not do a good job of nurturing ourselves. We act from our hearts and give so much time and attention to those around us, but inadvertently neglect ourselves.

Part of getting over this hurdle is first becoming aware that it is important to nurture yourself. Nurturing yourself is good for your mind, body and spirit. You will feel happier, more peaceful and more spiritually connected.

I find it is sometimes difficult for my clients to connect with the idea of nurturing themselves, so I have them tell me what they would do for their child if their child were sick.

© Can Stock Photo Inc. / RossHelen

Usually I get answers like:

• Snuggle with them
• Make them some soup
• Bring them something to drink
• Make sure they are comfortable
• Take care of them so they can relax 

Now, imagine taking care of yourself this way every day. Maybe you need some time snuggling with your loved ones. Maybe you need some time relaxing with a good book. Maybe you might find it lovely to make a nice bowl of soup and have a candle lit dinner.

I advise my clients to first make a list of actions that would feel nurturing, then pick one idea to implement on a daily basis.

Here are a few suggestions in addition to the ones above to get you thinking:

• Buy yourself something nice
• Light a candle
• Call or meet up with a friend
• Spend time alone with God
• Journal your feelings out on paper to release them
• Do some yoga or any other exercise you enjoy
• Spend a few minutes in meditation
• Get a massage
• Paint, write, sing or dance

I can not stress the importance of this enough. The more you do for yourself, the better you will be for yourself and for those around you! You have my permission -- nurture away!