What to do When You are Overwhelmed

I was recently feeling so overwhelmed I turned to my life coaching tool box. In it I found a great way to help free my mind -- a life inventory.

I got out my journal (where I keep all of my thoughts). I grabbed my purple pen (a spiritual color for me). I put myself in a mind frame of asking for divine guidance. Then, I did a brain dump. I started writing down everything I want or need to get done this week.

I wrote down 37 things. Some things are simple tasks, some are more complicated -- things like playing with the kids, cleaning the house, working on marketing my business, finding a babysitter for the kids, exercising....and on and on.

It felt great to get it out of my head and onto paper where I could actually see it. Then I began to analyze my list. I asked myself, "What are the most important things?" I ranked playing with the kids way up there, but I realized I often let all of the other less important things get in the way of that.

Writing a life inventory really helped me see where I am spending my time versus where I want to be spending my time. It also empowered me to cross a few things off the list. It gave me permission to say "no" to less important tasks that don't fit in with my priorities.

It also allowed me to receive help. I was not expecting this! I shared my list with  my husband, and, wouldn't you know it, he took one of the things off the list for me -- getting the oil changed in my car. What a huge gift! Really! I'd been putting it off for many reasons.

I felt so much more at peace after this process. I think it's something I should do sooner, rather than later next time those feelings of overwhelm start creeping in!

Oops! I messed up!

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I had an experience last week that made me feel very grateful for my life coaching tool box. The life coaching tool box is where you go when you have a problem. It is filled with tools to help bring your mind from chaos to peace. The problem I had was that I needed to say, "I'm Sorry."

So, what happened, you are wondering. Well, I received a call from someone I am close with. That person asked me a question that sent a dagger straight through my heart and severed several nerves. Ouch! That hurt.

Instead of remaining calm, cool and collected, I answered the question sarcastically. I got terse and asked the reason for the question. My words and my tone let that person know I was annoyed.

I hung up the phone and complained to my husband about the nerve of this person. Then I went to bed and slept on it...knowing I had some work ahead of me. The next morning I got up and got out my trusty journal. This is where the life coaching tool box comes into play.

I first journaled my feelings about the situation -- the good, bad and ugly. Then, I put myself in that person's shoes and realized that call must have been difficult for them to make. Next, I looked at what I could be grateful for with the situation -- among other things, this person had the courage to ask the question. And, we can always be grateful for the opportunity to say we are sorry. Finally, I worked on my action plan. It was to write out my sincere apology and call that person back and give it.

Why write out an apology? It's really important to get clear on what you are going to say before you say it. In my case, I needed to take responsibility for my actions. Apologize for my words and my tone. Explain why I responded that way. That I was being selfish. That I would do my best not to respond that way in the future. That it is not my intention to lose my cool. That I don't want them to be afraid to call me, because they will get a crabby response.That I love them. Lucky for me, my apology was accepted, and it was a nice conversation.

Although it's difficult, saying you're sorry is actually a very beautiful process, because it allows the person who messed up to come down from their throne, clear the air, and show the person who got the brunt of the mistake that they are loved. It works to establish trust between the two people -- that they are both human, but that they are willing to admit mistakes and forgive one another. It allows both people to let that experience float away instead of having it drag them down with resentment. Isn't that a beautiful thing?

If you need help mastering the art of saying "I'm Sorry," contact me.

Written with love for everyone I've had to say I'm sorry to! :)

Rihanna's new song exposes a secret!

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Lately I can't get that new Rihanna song "Only Girl" out of my head ... "Want you to make me feel, like I'm the only girl in the world..." I love it! It's got a great beat, and it's fun!

But, besides that, while listening to some of the lyrics, I realized she let the whole world in on a big relationship secret. Are you ready for it?

One of the primary things a woman desires from her partner is to be made to feel like she is the only one in his world. The most important person in his life. That he notices her and that he thinks she is beautiful. That he is grateful for her.

What can a woman do to let her partner know she feels this way?

One surefire way is "to be who you want to be with." If you are a woman reading this article, and you would like your husband to treat you like you are the only girl in the world, start treating him like he is the only man in the world. Be consistent. Stick with it. Give it at least three weeks, then ask your spouse if he noticed anything different. Talk about your experience. See what happens. Keep me posted! I'd love to hear about your experience.

Anger Strikes at Starbucks

I witnessed an incident at Starbucks that inspired me to write. A girl and her friend were sitting outside enjoying some coffee, when the mother of one of them walked up and a fight ensued. The girls were probably right around 20 years old.

I tried not to listen, but it was difficult. The gist of what happened is that the daughter wouldn't tell her mother where she was going, who she was going with or when she was going. She refused to check-in with her mother. Her mother said she wanted to know where the girl was so she didn't have to worry. They were so angry with each other, I could feel the heat.

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I felt bad for them both and wished they knew a better way to deal with conflict.

While listening to them, some of the first thoughts that came to my mind were respect and control. Both parties need to have respect for each other -- the daughter, who is presumably living under her mother's roof, and the mother, because her daughter is an adult now.

Both are using control to irritate the other. The mother is being controlling with the way she is demanding to know many details about the daughter's where-a-bouts, and the daughter is being controlling, by purposefully withholding information. It's a power struggle.

I wondered what would happen if each of them put themselves in the other person's shoes. If the daughter could ponder what might be going through her mother's mind, and how her mother might feel with no idea where her daughter is or who she is with. What if the mother could reflect on her younger years when she wanted freedom and flexibility from her parents? Could this be how her daughter is feeling now? 

Even when there are years of resentment built up between people -- as was evident with this mother and daughter -- every one of us has the power to change the course for the better. One day at a time. One interaction at a time.

Let's imagine a new scenario. The mother comes up to the table and vents her frustration to her daughter. Instead of firing back, what if the daughter acknowledges her mother and says, "I love you, mom. I can see you're really upset by this. Can we talk about it later tonight?" No matter what the mother says -- even if she continues to fire back -- the daugher remains calm, loving and consistent in her request to continue the conversation later. Because, the truth is, no good will come out of a volatile conversation where one or both of the people involved are overly emotional and not thinking clearly.

Think it's impossible? It's not. Yes, it takes practice. Yes, it takes self-control. No, it is not easy. But, is the end-result worth it? YES! We can all start healing difficult relationships in our lives by handling difficult conversations like this one in a new manner.

-- Written with prayerful hope for this mother and daughter to heal their relationship.

Living Large! A Celebration for Tyler and Alyssa

We had parent-teacher conferences at Tyler and Alyssa's school yesterday. I left there feeling so fantastic that I knew we had to celebrate!

I keep tabs on the kids' school work, I volunteer in Alyssa's classroom, I try to attend the field trips, and I periodically set up playdates with the kids and their parents. So I feel like I'm aware of how they are doing academically and socially. I have my eye on them! :)

But to sit down face-to-face with the teachers and hear the amazing things they said about how Tyler and Alyssa are doing felt so wonderful!

Especially because of our move. Of course, Paul and I were worried about what would happen if we moved. How would the children adjust? I believe we are getting our answer! They are doing just fine!

It's not magic that they are adjusting well, though. It's because of the conscious efforts of their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends and teachers. Everyone has been so encouraging, welcoming and helpful.

So, yesterday at 3:00 we decided to hop on the train to meet Paul downtown for some Chicago-style fun! We toured the John Hancock Observatory and learned about some of the City's landmarks.

We stepped inside the American Girl store at Water Tower Place for Alyssa. You should have seen the smile on her face!

We grabbed dinner at a really cool-looking Cheesecake Factory at the bottom of the Hancock Building.

Then we walked down the Miracle Mile in awe of how the lights from the buildings twinkle in the clear night sky. The air was crisp ... our steps were light ... it was so much fun ... wow, what a gorgeous night!

--Written with love and gratitude for all of the people encouraging us and helping us adjust to our new home. Thank you!