Monday, June 14, 2010

What Spiders Taught Me About My Life

I had an experience yesterday, and I'd like to share in case it enlightens anyone's what happened.

We are currently staying in my grandmother's old house while we wait to sell our Florida home. It is my dad's mother's house. Much needs to be done to this old house to make it habitable for our family. Over the weekend, Paul noticed some electrical issues and suggested we call Gary, my mom's significant other, to come over and look at it since he is a professional electrician.

"NO, you can't do that," I said to Paul, feeling very agitated. "That will never work. My dad will never be OK with that."

I felt so stressed about this, because Gary is who I would want to do the work if it were my home. But it's not my home. It's under the care and supervision of my dad.

Then, I realized how hurt my mother would feel if I didn't ask Gary to do the work.

NICE. Here I am at 36 years old. My parents have been divorced since I was 10. And I'm still getting all hyped up emotionally over anything that has to do with the two of them together. Whenever these types of situations arise, I feel like no matter what decision I make, I will hurt one of them. And, the last thing I want to do is hurt either of my parents.

I had a talk with a friend, who reminded me of the work that I have already been doing to handle these situations better. I remembered that I can't control my parents or their feelings. But I can control me, and by doing that I have the power to make these experiences more peaceful for everyone.

I think this is really coming to light now as I move back "home" near my family. I am really excited about it, but if I don't work on how I handle these situations, it will be a difficult move, instead of a joyful one.

I have the choice for how I want my relationships with my parents to be. Instead of letting my emotions run wild and feeling like I need to defend myself when I make decisions that might hurt one of them, I can use a tool from my life coaching toolbox. I can simply put myself in their shoes. Think about how they are feeling, and give them my love. Of course, I love both of my parents, and I do not want either of them to feel hurt by decisions I make.

Interestingly enough -- the day after this experience happened, I had a few run-ins with spiders -- in real life and in my dreams. I looked up their spiritual meaning, and, among other things, one website said that spiders are the teacher of balance between past and future. Wow. That made me immediately think about this experience with my parents, my past with my parents and my future with them -- especially now that I am moving back. It's up to me for how I want this to be. Peaceful or chaotic. I'm aiming for peace, and I know it is experience at a time!

Written with love and respect for all of my parents...please notice I did not share any of my parents actual feelings -- only my perceptions for how they would be. Also note that my parents were not really a part of this experience -- it was all in my head based on assumptions. :)

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