Life Lessons from Cinderella

Photo credit: Disney

Couldn't help but put this one out there ... Have courage and be kind.

So simple, but true.

In life, we need courage to overcome fear.

I'm not talking about fears of heights, spiders, monsters or anything like that. I'm referring to fears that impact us on a daily basis.

Here are a few common ones:

• intimacy -- this fear keeps us from fully receiving love from others
• loneliness -- this fear causes us to never have healthy silence in our lives
• failure -- this fear causes us to not take risks and live fully
• rejection -- this fear causes us to not be ourselves
• commitment -- this fear keeps us separate from others
• abandonment -- this fear causes us to act in controlling ways to keep people near us

So, take some wisdom from Cinderella's mom -- have courage, take a risk to live and love fully, and always be kind!

The Battle for Your Marriage

Your marriage is under attack. Every minute of every day, via spiritual warfare. I want people to know about this, because so often we think our spouse is the enemy. But our spouse is not the enemy. The Devil is, and he is relentless.

He will stop at nothing to destroy your marriage, because it is something good that God has created. He will use things like petty little arguments, busy schedules, crying babies, selfishness and temptations to slowly drive a wedge right between you and your spouse. He will do such a good job you might even get to the point where you don't think you like your spouse anymore.

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I want to encourage you to fight for your marriage on a daily basis. Do it for yourself, your spouse and your children.

Practically speaking, here are a few simple ideas for cultivating a happy marriage:

• Set up a daily check-in time with your spouse and ask, "How was your day?" Allow 5-20 minutes for this task where each of you will talk about your day and listen to the other. Insist the children give you this time -- it is for their own good, and it shows them you value your relationship.

• Check in with your spouse periodically -- maybe once every few months -- and ask, "What can I do to be a better partner?"

• Read a marriage book together. I would recommend the For Women Only and For Men Only series by Shaunti Feldhahn. 

• Plan some dates that are different and interesting. Specifically plan something your spouse would like. Get out of your comfort zone. I've tried some things in the past like fishing and camping because my husband enjoys them.

• Always look for the best in your spouse. What you see is what you get, so if you are constantly nit-picking and noticing everything he does wrong, that is all you will see. Change your focus. Put on a new pair of glasses. Notice what he is doing right.

• Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Thank your spouse for all of the things he does for you and your family. Thank him for going to work. Thank him for taking out the trash. Thank him for driving the kids to soccer. These things may seem minor, but they will cultivate gratitude in your heart.

• Don't take your partner for granted. Just because you are married and promised to each other for as long as you both shall live does not mean you stop trying to be the best version of yourself for your partner. Give your best to your spouse, not the left-overs from your day. I know this is challenging, but I can't emphasize this enough -- don't take your partner for granted. Appreciate him and tell him so.

• This list could go on for eternity, but I'll leave off here saying you can always contact a life coach to guide you through a personalized marriage tune-up. We can create lasting change in just a few weeks.

The Prayer of St. Francis

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Just sharing a little motivation today. One of the best ways to gain happiness in life is to serve others.

Especially if you are feeling down in the dumps or depressed -- try to forget your own problems for a while and help others with theirs. It will feel like a magic formula.

I think the Prayer of St. Francis says it best.

Enjoy!

We Can Create What We Want In Life

"We create our lives with our thoughts, beliefs and expectations. We create by repeating the behavior patterns that feel comfortable and familiar, whether or not they are productive. We create by conscious choice -- focused activity that moves us toward exactly what we want. We create by unconscious choice -- activity without focus and intent." Iyanla Vanzant

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What is it you wish to create in your life? More love? More peace? More joy?

Take one action step today in that direction. 

Here's a little hint -- you get what you give. 

So, if you would like to receive more love, the key is to give more love. 

If you would like to feel more peaceful, you could try to bring peace into a stressful situation.

If you are seeking more joy, perhaps you could create a joyful moment for another today.

All of these things will bring the same quality back to you.

Is the First to Forgive Really the Strongest?

Recently I saw a quote on Facebook that I immediately replied "Amen!" to. But, since then I've been thinking about it more deeply, and I'm not so sure about it, based on the "true stories" I have experienced in my life.

I agree with the obvious gist -- forgive, forget and apologize. Yes! Of course! We should all be working on these things, but I emphasize "working," because forgiveness is a process, not something that can be flipped on by a switch.

There is nothing wrong with taking time to process hurt feelings before offering apologies or forgiveness, and taking this time does not make you any less strong than the person who apologized or forgave first. What is most important is that you are working on it. Forgiveness is one of the most important life lessons we have to learn.

I believe people who take time to get their inner emotional house in order before handling conflict are very strong people, because they are waiting to address the situation until they know they are in the right place to handle it. Sometimes handling things before you are ready only creates more chaos.

Having said that though, I do want to point out it is important we actually do work on any forgiveness issues we have, because carrying unforgiveness in our hearts is toxic to ourselves and those around us.

As far as "forgetting," that's only for the little things -- maybe pesky little arguments -- but the big things are never forgotten. They are left behind as battle wounds that influence how we view and handle almost everything in our lives. Those experiences are part of what make us who we are.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't think it should be a race to see who can be the first to apologize, forgive or forget so we can have the title of being the bravest, strongest or happiest. Yes, we should all be working toward forgiveness, but we don't need to pressure ourselves or allow others to pressure us to handle situations before we are ready.

Perhaps the best choice we can make when we find ourselves in a situation that requires apologies or forgiveness would be to apply the virtues of grace, kindness, mercy and compassion -- toward ourselves and the other person.

The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in mercy. Psalm 145:8