How our family shifted out of survival mode into fun mode

As many can relate to, having children drastically changes one’s life. After my husband, Paul, and I had children, we unknowingly went into survival mode – a mode where we were just trying to keep our heads above water to keep up with all of our new responsibilities.

Survival mode is a very real thing, and unfortunately, too many of us get stuck there at some point in our lives. When you are stuck in survival mode, it’s difficult to have a positive attitude. You worry about things you can’t control. You spend too much time reliving the past and worrying about the future.

When you are in survival mode, it’s difficult to relax and live in your moments. It’s a state of living in constant stress, and you become burned out. That is most definitely where we were – burned out.

We were so overwhelmed by the job of parenting these two precious souls that we stopped living in other areas of our life. At times I felt as if I couldn’t even think to plan fun things to do, because my brain was so consumed with surviving each day. Thank goodness we had amazing friends and family who planned the fun and invited us along!

I’m not saying we didn’t have any fun at all – we most certainly did, but there was always this subtle, heavy heap of worry and stress that we unknowingly allowed to weigh us down. 

I started working with a life coach about two years ago, and that is what started our climb out of death valley and back into life. Paul also chose to work with a life coach, which really helped get us both on the same page. We learned a lot about living in the moment and being grateful for what we have.

It has been a lot of work, and a lot has happened in the past two years, but once again, we are finally living. In addition to the work Paul and I have done on ourselves and our marriage, our kids are getting older – they are not babies anymore – and they don’t rely on us for every sip of water or snack or even to get dressed. This feels like someone lifted a weight off our shoulders.

Before 2010 began, Paul and I committed to a year of adventure, and what an adventure it was. The biggest adventure was our move to Illinois, of course, but before we moved, we shared many new experiences in Florida, including, sleeping on the floor of a children’s museum with 50 Cub Scouts and their families, camping with the Cub Scouts, and discovering Disney theme parks for the first time!

Once in Illinois, we went to the horse races, started exploring the city of Chicago, visited a real pumpkin patch, raked leaves, shoveled snow, went sledding, cut down our very first real Christmas tree and more!

We are having so much fun and making many wonderful memories – even while we have been working on selling our Florida home. Let me tell you what a huge stress that is – it’s HUGE. But, we have not allowed that stress to stop us from living. We have learned to make the best out of every situation we encounter and to be grateful for what we have.

I am sharing this story to encourage anyone out there who may be experiencing challenging times. We all experience challenges, but it’s how you respond to them that really defines who you are. You know what they say, “Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it.” If you’d like help embracing this 90/10 principle, contact me!

New Year, New You

The changing of the year is a natural time of reflection to look back upon the successes and difficulties you experienced in 2010.

Let's approach 2011 with the attitude that the worst of our problems are now behind us. Take a big, cleansing deep breath. Let go of the problems. Watch them float away as you exhale. Wipe the slate clean and know the challenges you faced in 2010 have made you stronger and taught you valuable lessons.

Instead of becoming bitter as a result of your challenges, open your heart with compassion toward people in similar situations and let go of any blame or feelings of victim hood.

This type of a positive outlook will attract love and a peaceful, prosperous 2011.

Happy New Year!

--If you would like to work with someone on cultivating this positive attitude in 2011, contact me! I have programs in place to guide you on your journey.

Sledding!

Today I read the quote "When was the last time you did something for the first time?" by Kobi Yamada. It reminded me about our recent sledding adventures.

Moving back to Illinois has been such an adventure for us -- sharing new and old experiences with the kids.

Sledding has definitely been one of them. Although it's not a first for me, it's like a first, because it has been so long! It's exhilarating -- flying down those big hills, trying to steer with no steering wheel, letting out girly screams, snow flying up in your face!

We've got three different sleds right now, so we all take turns on the different sleds and try find as many different ways to go down as possible. I can't say I can pick a favorite, but one of my favorite ways to go down the hill is on my belly on our purple penguin blow-up sled. It seemed like such a crazy thing to do, at first -- to go head first -- but, wow, what fun! I think I'm addicted!

Part of what makes the experience so great, aside from the rush, is that everyone around us is having fun, too.

I was so moved by watching the adults -- they are having as much fun as the kids during this so-called "kids activity." I hear the joy in their laughter and recognize the exhilaration in their voice. And it's fun to watch them "help" their kids discover different ways to fly down the hill!

I was sure during this fun-filled time to also take a moment to look around at the beauty of the landscape -- the sun was shining, the sky was bright blue, the bare, brown trees surrounded the hill, the snow was crisp and white. The snow hill was peppered all around with people sledding down and walking up. The voices of everyone around us were cheerful, joyful and excited. How wonderful! Happy Winter! Enjoy this video clip Paul bravely took while sledding on the disc!

I could be saying, "WTF"

When I moved back to Illinois, I thought I was going to enjoy a lot of time with my family -- I had visions of family bar-b-que's, adventures to area attractions and lots of snuggle time with my new nephews. I am certainly doing that, but it's not turning out quite how I imagined at the moment.

I am sharing this story to teach what I am learning about how to deal with life and hopefully inspire others who might need to hear a positive message.

There are several things causing stress, but two that are pretty big. My sister is pregnant, and her baby has been diagnosed with the same disease that took her first-born child up to heaven less than two years ago. The doctors said it most likely wouldn't happen again and seem to be as shocked as the rest of us that it did. This time around Kara and baby are getting much better care -- unfortunately the specialists are in Philly, not Chicago, so she is experiencing stress surrounding the extra travel and time away from work.

The other biggie is that my dad is fighting lung cancer. He was diagnosed just before Thanksgiving. I know he will beat it, but I also know we have a battle ahead of us. 

So, when we are faced with stressful life experiences such as these, what are we to do? 

I choose to look to my faith. Although I very much feel the stress from these two events, I know what to do to help reduce it -- pray, meditate and live in the moment. I also need to have a positive attitude.

I have learned to never underestimate the power of prayer, that sometimes I need to stop talking and listen and that living in the moment is the only answer. If I were to crumble to the ground from the stress and not enjoy the time I spend with my family, I would be missing out on life -- my life.

As far as my attitude, it is tempting sometimes when the stress feels so overwhelming to wonder, "What in the world is going on?" I didn't anticipate any of this happening -- maybe my move from Florida brought it on, because ever since I've gotten here, "bad" things have been happening. 

But I know better, and the thought I most often have is, "Thank God I am here." Could you imagine if I was in Florida and all of this was going on up here? It's validation to me that God has a plan for everything, and he made sure I would be here right now. Thank you, God.

--Written with love and devotion for my family ... xoxoxo

Preparing for our First Snowy Day

Tyler's first snow experience at 2 yrs old.

We are so excited here at the Haisman household! Weather forecasters predict snow will begin falling tonight around midnight and will accumulate to 3-5 inches by the end of the day tomorrow.

Paul thinks this is perfectly scripted for our first snowfall -- it's a Friday night -- so the weekend is at hand! It's at night, so it won't interrupt any activities, and in the morning, we will all wake up to snowy white grounds -- this will be the first time ever for Tyler and Alyssa!

(For the record, Tyler will tell you he played in the snow when he was 2 years old. He did. But, of course, he does not remember it. He's only seen pictures!)

Paul and Tyler have a plan to wake up at 2 a.m. and sneak outside for some fun! Mommy and Alyssa are not invited!

Alyssa's snow pants aren't pink.

Alyssa, my 5-year-old, is having a fashion meltdown because her snow pants aren't pink! Seriously! She cried about it. What is a mom to do? Do they make pink snow pants? I'm sure they do, but these were a generous hand-me-downs, and we are using them!

As if the pink issue wasn't enough, she also protested that they were the overall type. She's no farm-girl?! Paul had to make up a story about how Tyler's snow pants were going to fall down and expose his bare bottom because he doesn't have overalls. That made her laugh and seemed to diffuse the situation. Oh my goodness. Too funny!

So, Paul got the kids all excited and had them get all of their snow clothes out and put them next to their beds! How cute!

Stay tuned and we'll share some of our first snowy adventures!