Thursday, April 30, 2015

Lessons from Spinning Class: How You can get to 42+ Years of Marriage

The other day in spinning class our instructor mentioned it was Senior Ditch Day for her daughter at school. That brought the memories flooding back for all of us -- including the married couple on my right.

I overheard the wife say, "We had senior ditch day, too!"

Her husband of 42 years said, "You did? No way!" He was genuinely surprised.

How cool is it that?! Right there in an everyday, ordinary spinning class this married couple learned something new about each other? I love that!

If we want to get to 42+ years of marriage it will be important for us to keep the conversations flowing and interesting, too. We all know good communication in marriage helps us stay connected, and we have to make an effort at it in this busy, busy world of ours.

You know me, I'm all about the tools -- so here is a handy little resource to help you get some conversations started if you are interested: 101 Conversation Starters for Couples by Gary Chapman and Ramon Presson. It is packed with fun conversation ideas for you and your spouse!

But there was something even more powerful than a conversation going on there in the spinning room -- it is how they got to the conversation -- by taking the spinning class together. Had one of them not been there, this cool conversation would never have happened.

This, my friends, is significant, according to Willard Harley, author of His Needs, Her Needs: Building and Affair Proof Marriage.

Harley says one of the top 10 needs of a man is to have a recreational partner in his wife – someone to do something with. He explains that men prefer to bond by interacting side-by-side with their spouse. That is different than how women prefer to interact -- we prefer face-to-face interactions.

For example, in my marriage I have sometimes found myself camping without indoor plumbing, fishing with yucky bait, or sporting some sexy eye and ear protection at the shooting range when I would really rather be curled up reading a good book or relaxing at the spa.

I have learned to do these things with my spouse because it makes him feel loved and it helps us bond through a shared activity. I can literally see the joy on his face when he is doing things that he loves! Sometimes we have to put our own comfort aside because it is in the best interest of the relationship.

If you need a little inspiration in your marriage, contact me at 239.292.2882 or I can guide you through a personalized marriage tune-up that will create lasting change in just a few weeks.

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