Sunday, March 20, 2011

How Alyssa's Preschool Gave me a Helpful Life Experience With Alyssa

Just wanted to share an interesting experience I am going through with Alyssa. There seemed to be some issues going on in her preschool class that ended up with Alyssa having hurt feelings and crying quite often. One morning on the way to school, Alyssa said through tears, "I want move back to Florida so I can have my Florida friends back, because these friends are too hard."

Oh my goodness. That broke my heart.

The teacher and I talked about this issue and were working on it, when one day she suddenly put all of the puzzle pieces together. She said some of the the other children in class may be experiencing jealousy toward Alyssa, because her mom has been volunteering in the classroom.This created an interesting dynamic.

Here's one example of what was happening: When I arrived at school to volunteer, the whole class would come running over to hug me, nearly knocking me down. Alyssa used to be a part of that big hug. She seemed proud to have her mom at school.

But as the year went on, I noticed she would not come hug me -- she would go off by herself. I wondered why. It seemed like she looked sad, too...but why would that be? Her mom was at school -- wouldn't that make her happy?

The teacher suggested I take a break from volunteering in the classroom to see if it worked better for Alyssa.

At first, I felt bad and sad about it, but after I had time to process the situation and talk with my life coach, I realized this was definitely the best thing. My life coach helped me to see what was happening energetically.

She said if you take out of your mind who the people are and just describe the situation you will see what is happening more clearly. So, in our case, a source of love (a parent) walks into a classroom of four and five-year-olds who have been away from their parents all day. The children are thirsty for love, so they run to the source of the love for a hug. This makes the child of the source of love feel abandoned, because she think there is no room for her with the source of love, so she goes off by herself, feeling bad.

My life coach also reminded me of something I didn't think I'd see until Alyssa was a teenager -- there tends to be an inherent feeling of competition between mothers and daughters. Well, regardless what her age is, the feeling of competition with her mother is not something I wish for my daughter to experience at all. So, I knew it was time to talk to Alyssa immediately.

Here's how our conversation went:

Me: Alyssa, how does it make you feel when mommy gets to school and all of the other kids come running up to me and give me a hug?

Alyssa: Sad.

Me: Sad? Why?

Alyssa: Because I think they like you more than me.

Oh my gosh. How sad to think that she thought that. And how amazing that a five-year-old could put that into words so simply.

I am grateful I took the time to talk with her teacher and my life coach, because it prepared me for that conversation with her.

I explained to her that her friends love her very much, and that even though they run to her mom for a hug at school, it's only because they wish they were hugging their mom instead.

I told her how much I love her and that there will always be enough love in my heart for her and her freinds, too! We ended the conversation with a big hug and a giggle as she started to get emotional and instructed me that we could stop talking about it now. OMG!


  1. Tina, I love reading stories about your experiences parenting Tyler and Alyssa. You and Paul have amazing children and are an inspiration as parents. I love you so much!

  2. Tina, I love the way you share your experiences with Tyler and Alyssa. You and Paul have managed to raise some amazing kids, and you're an inspiration as parents. I love you!

  3. Tina,
    you are an amazing person, not to mention a great mother, reading this was very hard to complete, not that my eye were filled with water or something, must be an alergy, I'm not sure. I love reading your LOL, it makes me feel good. love you,your Uncle Mike Strope

  4. Thank you Kara and Uncle Mike!!! xoxoxo