Wednesday, April 17, 2013

The Secret to Great Relationships is ... in your Bathroom

Sometimes we feel like other people are making life difficult for us. Being mean to us. Judging us. Blaming us.

That makes us feel angry, hurt or sad inside and may cause us to react in an unkind way. Then, we realize we shouldn't have reacted unkindly and have to apologize for our mistake.

What if I told you there was a better way. An easier way. A more holistic way. One that will feel like magic when you try it. One that is the secret to having great relationships.

What I'm about to say may come as a shock. But when someone else is making you feel angry or hurt -- the best thing to do is stop and look in the mirror.

Why? Because everyone around you is simply reflecting you back to you.

Whew. Can you wrap your head around that? Everyone around you is reflecting you back to you.

When you understand that other people are only a reflection of yourself, you will find there is no room for blame, judgement or being the victim of another's words. The beauty in all of this is that this secret will help you grow into the person God wants you to be.

Let's look at an example: I had a client who felt like one of her friends was a very critical judge of everything she did, and it was making her really angry. Once she uttered that statement, I stopped her and had her ask herself, "Where am I being judgmental right now?" The first thing that came to her mind was that she was being judgmental of herself for where she was at in her career -- not as high up as she had imagined.

By being judgmental of herself, my client was attracting judgement from others -- especially this particular friend. But the truth is that she was hurting herself more than any other person was hurting her. Once she cleaned up the judgement within herself and started treating herself with more love, compassion and understanding, the perceived judgement from her friend ceased to exist.

If you need more proof that this secret is true, think about this. Have you ever noticed a pattern with problems in your relationships? Always the same problem? The same insecurities? Well, guess what? You are the common denominator. To get to the root of the cause, you have to be the change you wish to see.

I'm not saying this is easy, but you can do it! If you would like the help of a coach to guide you along, let me know!

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