Dear Friends, Today I am posting a guest
blog from a friend who is experiencing the hurt caused by the disease of
alcoholism. I am honored to post this article in the hopes that it gives therapy
to the writer and hope to others affected by this disease. You are not alone.
Alcoholism...If
there is an alcoholic in your life, like mine, you know it is like a cancer to
that relationship. I live with the alcoholic in my life. I love the alcoholic
in my life.
The alcoholic
in my life knows her drinking habits aren't healthy, but she has not admitted
there is a dependency on alcohol – this is the key difference between alcohol
abuse and alcoholism.
The alcoholic
in my life is what experts call a “functional alcoholic” – she hasn't put
others in danger or caused any physical damage, but the emotional damage runs
deep.
Alcoholism is a
disease like no other – there is no cure, and there is nothing you can do to
start the recovery for someone else. What you can do is take care of yourself.
One way to start is to seek out help from organizations like Alcoholics
Anonymous, Al-Anon or Change my Relationships. They will get you on the right
path.
Personally, I
believe the Al-Anon organization is genius! The first few meetings are hard,
and you think the group is not for you. One of their sayings is, "After a
while, you'll discover that though you may not like all of us, you'll love us
in a very special way, the same way we already love you." This is true.
Also, the Serenity
Prayer is one of the best first steps I took. After saying it a couple of
times, and taking quiet moments to reflect on my day's actions, I have changed
how I live with the alcoholic in my life. I have started to live in better
harmony with the disease. Make no mistake, this is the toughest thing I've
done, and I am nowhere near good at it, but imperfect progress is the olive
branch, and it works.
Another hard
thing I'm learning is the 3 C's – and I do not mean color, clarity and carat! The
3 C's of addiction are cure, cause and control. This is difficult for me
because I am a control freak. But I have learned this disease is something I
can’t control.
I also can’t
control this person’s actions. In fact, trying to do so would be a very bad
idea. The only thing I can do is approach her when she is sober and say, "When
you do _____, it makes me feel hurt."
I am also
learning about the abstract idea of “detachment with love.” How do I detach my
emotions around the disease from the person and treat the person with the love
and respect every human being deserves? Especially one that I loved and
respected before this unfortunate disease took hold. If I can figure this one
out, I deserve a Ph.D. in something equally abstract.
I can't cure
the alcohol addiction in the person I love. It has to be her choice. I hope and
pray she will hit rock bottom and seek treatment, but there is no timetable for
this – months, years, or more years. Only imperfect progress can help one get
through this seemingly infinite time span.
I've babbled
enough for a blog that is usually short, sweat and profound. I do have more to
share, and this small part has been incredibly therapeutic. Thank you for
allowing me to be a guest on this site. If there is a person close to your
heart, or in your life, with an addiction, I hope you can find a piece of
serenity while dealing with the disease.
Sincerely, A Loving Husband and Father
We need people that shares. This will surely serve as an inspiration to everyone who has the same issue. Not everyone has the courage to share. Without understanding how you are, you will not be able to get to where you wish to be.
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