Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Looking Beneath The Surface With Kids

Yesterday I noticed Tyler treating me less than respectfully. A little eye roll here, a tough tone of voice there. I was alarmed by it. This is not normal behavior for Tyler. Although I felt agitated, instead of yelling at him in the heat of the moment, I waited until later and pulled him aside to talk about it.

I gently asked him if anything was wrong. Told him I noticed he wasn't being very respectful to me -- I cited examples. I asked him if there was anything I did to make him upset with me.

He said "no," then he got all serious. He looked down and started to cry. He said that a project at school was really overwhelming and that he was feeling very stressed out about it.

So, we talked about that for a while. Then, I told him how we treat other people is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. So, perhaps the reason why he was being hard on me was because he was being too hard on himself regarding this project at school.

You see, Tyler's real problem was not with me, even though he was taking it out on me. It was within himself with his own thought patterns.

I talked up his little self-esteem by telling him what a wonderful student he is. That I am totally confident he will do a great job on the project. That I know he will do his best work -- he always does. I also pointed out that what he is learning is valuable and will be needed in future grades.

This seemed to help my little guy quite a bit. It took him a little while to perk back up, but he surely did! By this morning he seemed his normal self. It was surprising that a third grade project would have him so worried, but to him, it's a really big deal.

The reason I am sharing this with all of you is to show you how you can get to the heart of matters with your children. When they act out, dig deeper. Be a good observer of their behavior and really listen when they tell you what is wrong. You'll be amazed at how much you can help them!

I am happy to teach all moms about how to utilize these valuable parenting tools! Contact me if you would like more information!

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