Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Oops! I messed up!
I had an experience last week that made me feel very grateful for my life coaching tool box. The life coaching tool box is where you go when you have a problem. It is filled with tools to help bring your mind from chaos to peace. The problem I had was that I needed to say, "I'm Sorry."

So, what happened, you are wondering. Well, I received a call from someone I am close with. That person asked me a question that sent a dagger straight through my heart and severed several nerves. Ouch! That hurt.

Instead of remaining calm, cool and collected, I answered the question sarcastically. I got terse and asked the reason for the question. My words and my tone let that person know I was annoyed.

I hung up the phone and complained to my husband about the nerve of this person. Then I went to bed and slept on it...knowing I had some work ahead of me. The next morning I got up and got out my trusty journal. This is where the life coaching tool box comes into play.

I first journaled my feelings about the situation -- the good, bad and ugly. Then, I put myself in that person's shoes and realized that call must have been difficult for them to make. Next, I looked at what I could be grateful for with the situation -- among other things, this person had the courage to ask the question. And, we can always be grateful for the opportunity to say we are sorry. Finally, I worked on my action plan. It was to write out my sincere apology and call that person back and give it.

Why write out an apology? It's really important to get clear on what you are going to say before you say it. In my case, I needed to take responsibility for my actions. Apologize for my words and my tone. Explain why I responded that way. That I was being selfish. That I would do my best not to respond that way in the future. That it is not my intention to lose my cool. That I don't want them to be afraid to call me, because they will get a crabby response.That I love them. Lucky for me, my apology was accepted, and it was a nice conversation.

Although it's difficult, saying you're sorry is actually a very beautiful process, because it allows the person who messed up to come down from their throne, clear the air, and show the person who got the brunt of the mistake that they are loved. It works to establish trust between the two people -- that they are both human, but that they are willing to admit mistakes and forgive one another. It allows both people to let that experience float away instead of having it drag them down with resentment. Isn't that a beautiful thing?

If you need help mastering the art of saying "I'm Sorry," contact me.

Written with love for everyone I've had to say I'm sorry to! :)

1 comment:

  1. True, true, true! Lovely post, Tina. And as the holiday season and end of the year draws near, it's a good time to re-think things we may have said and done this year and make amends.